She So Funny

The Karol Sanchez kidnapping hoax has me all in my feels. "In my feels." Is that how today's 16 year olds say it? I'm not sure because public transportation is the only place I hear teens talk. 

But, once upon a time I WAS 16 years old.

It was a time (in the previous century) when I clearly saw the error of every life choice my mother made. Why choose to be a poverty stricken domestic worker instead of a rich lawyer or doctor?  Duh! Major mother blunder! 
At 16 I hated washing dishes and laundry duty at home. I knew the world outside was an exciting arena without mind numbing chores. That's where I was destined to be recognized and acclaimed. Yeah right. 😂



I know NONE of the intimate circumstances of the Sanchez household. All I know is Karol Sanchez confessed to a malicious deception that echoed far beyond the Bronx street where she was literally ripped from her mother's arms.

Karol's imagination and ability can't be denied. I'm way past my teens and doubt I could successfully coordinate 4(!) accomplices in a faux abduction. I'm still trying to get 4 people to share this blog. 

State and private video cameras record our EVERY movement. Our EVERY phone call, text and email is under  scrutiny AND subject to monetization by 3rd parties known and unknown. In spite of ubiquitous surveillance we are subject to DAILY active shooter alerts. Announcements of disease causing elements, in our air, water, food, frying pans and CVS receipts, are eclipsed by Big Pharma's cornucopia of  "medications" causing after effects to challenge the best health insurance. An emotional seatbelt is a necessity when modern technology moves everyday life at the speed of High Frequency Trading.


Barack Obama's presidency instigated a false sense of change and hope for America's future. Donald Trump's unending war on the United States' intelligence agencies, armed forces, diplomats and co-equal branches of government, combined with his disdain for the poor and systemically oppressed; have made his dank and dystopian vision of American Carnage manifest.
 Daily, hourly, minute by minute and tweet by tweet, Trump's obsesssive need for attention and the "appearance" of  winning, drains the oxygen from the world. Yes the world!

                                                 World Leaders Mock Trump - Again!


                                                 
Trump's compulsion to dominate social media, the news cycle and public opinion is exhausting.
His corrupt administration, self-dealing family and obstruction shenanigans have obliterated any end of decade excitement. I am too tired to look back and fear a future that needs at least 25 years to reverse the effects of Trump's American Carnage; IF in fact reversal is possible.


Follow Rhonda Hansome on Twitter, Facebook & IG
It's #HansomeMonday weekly on SiriusXMProgress Ch 127 when Rhonda visits John Fugelsang's Tell Me Everything @ 10:30 PM. Look for Rhonda's latest one-woman show, Lie Baby, Lie! Her TRUE tales of sex, murder & gentrification. Rhonda Hansome is a comedian, cabaret singer, storyteller & award winning director. She directs Roetta-Lee Smith's short film, Couples Therapy, to premiere in 2020.

Hey You,
Yes, I'm talking to YOU!

This Is America 2019, dysfunction on steroids. I am living in a cartoon yet terrifying alternate universe. 

A United States of intolerance, elitism and white supremacy to rival our volatile 1960's.











with blatant disregard for Everyman. The TrumpShutDown has left 800,000 Americans without pay. Furloughed Federal workers are stretched to the limit. Did I mention the multitude of support businesses suffering from lack of customers? Government tasks for our safety and well being are now left undone because of Trump's wall stand off.

"The wall came about as a “mnemonic device” thought up by political consultants to remind Donald Trump to talk about illegal immigration."... Forbes 1/4/2019

All while daily the chaos and lies escalate. Is this for real?

Steve Bannon's mantra is the mission of the Trump administration: 


8 PM Sat. Feb. 2nd - 
Bayport Fire House Comedy Night
251 Snedecor Ave. Bayport NY

3 PM Sun. Feb. 17th - Free!
10 Penny Comedy @ Coney Island Baby Bar
169 Ave. A @ 10 & 11th St. NYC 10009

6:30 Fri. Feb. 22nd -
The Griot Show @ Caveat NYC
21 A Clinton St. NYC NY

6 PM Sat. Feb. 23rd -
Sistah Celebration @ Wow Cafe Theater
59 E. 4th St. NYC 10003

4 PM Sun. Feb. 24th - $10 Cover * 2 Drink Min.
Groovin on A Sunday @ 53 Above Broadway
318 W. 53rd St. NYC 10019 



8 PM Thur. Feb. 28th - 
Cosmic Comedy @ Tilly's
1223 Bedford Ave. Brooklyn NY 11216

7:30 Fri. Mar. 1st -
Icons of Comedy @ Brooklyn House of Comedy
1165 Bedford Ave. Brooklyn NY 11216

9:30 Fri. Mar. 1st -
Black Don't Crack @ Joloff Restaurant
1617/1618 Bedford Ave. Brooklyn NY 11216

7 PM Sat. Mar. 2nd -
Griot Story Telling @ Joloff Restaurant
1617/1618 Bedford Ave. Brooklyn NY 11216

9 PM Sat. Mar. 2nd -
Solo Showcase @ Joloff Restaurant
1617/1618 Bedford Ave. Brooklyn NY 11216



I get paid in Follows & Likes. Hit me up on Face Book, Twitter & Instagram! 

Women with beautiful salt and pepper hair are glorious.
 Unapologetically jubuliant grey follicles declare confidence.
 




"Traditionally black and Latina subcultures have been proudly rocking their baby hairs since birth. Baby hairs are those small, very fine, wispy hairs located around the edges of your hair. They can be long, short, or even curly, depending on your hair type and texture. Typically found on children (hence the word "baby"), they can also follow you into adulthood."


Which brings me to my trauma. Reader beware. This does not end well.

Folks know my regrets about my move from Bed-Stuy to South Bronx, include having NO preferred amenities nearby, like my bank, shoe repair, a good restaurant, or a clean reliable beauty salon.

There's a grimy salon around the corner, that gives cold water pedicures. Need I say, I speak the 1st language of no one in the room? Want nuanced communication concerning your intimate beauty treatments? 
Forget About It! 
Unless it's an emergency- and it was. 
I had to calm my eye brows down to Freda Khalo level stat. 
Yes, I'm stuck on stupid. I asked for the full face wax. 

I knew I was in trouble when I had to convince her to do me (so to speak) on a bed in a private room, not on a chair in the salon front window. It was much more painful than I remembered but my eye brows actually looked good. My face was on fire but my brows looked good though. 

At home upon closer inspection of my stinging face, little bumpy patches roamed free range. To use an ancient term, "My brows were on fleek!" But where the fuck were my Lustrous Black Baby Hairs????!!!

My forehead and entire right temple was waxed into oblivion. I'd reveled in newly grown baby hairs for all of 1day. I now had a black mangy crescent framing my thin white roots. Not a pretty picture. That's why I'm not posting it.

What made me think she'd heed my 6 caveats to "Don't touch my hairline."? 
Did I mention I'm stuck on stupid? 

Warning: When I have a different hairstyle EVERY time you see me, don't ask me, "Is that your hair?" Yes it is & I have the receipts!

I figured I'd missed the volunteer firehouse where I was hired to perform at a fundraiser.
I pulled into a yard to maneuver.
While poised in the driveway to make a left turn I was hit and projected parallel to the lawn.

Yes, pretty scary and I was really shaken up.

No one saw the impact, but everyone who heard it appeared and sprang into concerned action.

Though roughed up and shaking, thank goodness, I walked away.

Oddly enough, I performed at the firehouse fundraiser and KILLED!


Could it be that because I'd been blocked in by a Taco Truck, at my parking lot and unable to drive to my late night spot at Broadway Comedy Club...
I didn't have to pay $200.00 parking this month?
Sad, true and funny in a WTF kind of way.

But what continues to make me smile, shake my head and chuckle?
My involuntary reaction to the state trooper who asked for my license, insurance and registration.
Arousal. That's right. Arousal. 

One minute I thought I'd breathed my last breath.
Then a young state trooper looked at me.

Flesh shouts what mouth won't speak
Perfume rushing in a dry river bed
Antique glistening unseen
In moonlight
Concedes
To body betrayed

I rode in a fire truck for the 1st time that night, grateful to be alive.


Rhonda Hansome is a actress, director, comedian and story teller.

Rhonda can be heard every Monday 2-5 PM on John Fugelsan's
Tell Me Everything on Sirius XM ch 121.

Hear her true life story and celebrate reproductive rights Nov. 6th:

Half-baked, newly formed social media goals filled my head when I started writing here. Numerous sources said Blogging could be a quick route to Klout perks, career renewal, internet fame and possible fortune. Four years later I don't know the last time I got a decent Klout perk. Is Klout even still a thing?

I remember the 1st time I unintentionally circulated a fake story, I felt duped, bamboozled and awsomely naive.  After I fall for the number 1 quality of fake news, just enough plausible crap to confirm my biases, I become a re-posting machine. Believe me, it's not fun trying to remember on which social media platform (Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn or Periscope) I plastered a blatant falsehood, about cucumbers no less!



This week when I heard fake news bloggers generate $10,000 per month, blogging bullsh!t, I paused to examine my life choices.
The impact fake news had on this month's election, exposed the frightful state of my power of discernment; on life-support with poor prospects for survival.

I doubt I will Snopes fact-check everyone of the gazillion articles slithering the screens of my multiple devices.

I bought into the social media dream. Now I'm living the click-bait nightmare.

Comments under blogs like this signal interest to advertising $$$. However I've chosen to write on this site with a multiple step comment process confounding to my most ardent fan. Hail the efficiency and convenience of the digital age!

Enjoy our national myth of Thanksgiving as we assault Native American water protectors and their allies at Standing Rock. If that's not enough irony for you, our president-elect is Donald Trump. Need a laugh?

                    

                       I made this tape to enter the MoveOn.Org contest 
                                        Love Trumps Hate

I remember the lingering segregated public water fountains that startled me in the midst of southern vacations as a youth.


Growing up and living in NYC, I've enjoyed free water from fountains in every park and most public buildings forever. That is, until when (what seemed) overnight, bottled "designer" water became a ubiquitous, de rigueur accessory; challenging the in-hand prominence of over-priced coffee and expensive cell phones.



According to the NYT, the Environmental Protection Agency breached a store of toxic chemical-laced water, from an abandonded Colorado mine. Arsenic, lead and "other" heavy metals are spilling into the Animas River, at a rate of 500-700 gallons A MINUTE!!!

 I felt the love watching the extraordinary documentary, of a civil rights activist and musical genius, What Happened Miss Simone? 



I was transported, enthralled, deeply touched and made grateful for my own moments of creativity and contentment.

Being an artist is not always fun, but as the film clearly shows, it can be a powerful and often rewarding way to live a life touching others through creative expression.

This week directing rehearsals of the play Ugly Is A Hard Pill I had a delightful experience. When I complimented some of my actors on progress with their roles, without hesitation, each attributed the breakthrough to my direction. 



Directing is a collaboration I do with actors, designers and technical operators; all to the words crafted by the playwright,in this case, Andrea Fulton 


The result of our collective work is in the 2015 Thespis Theater Festival.

Catch this hilarious tale of gay, straight, bi and down-low friends seeking sex and love while often hiding from themselves. Only 3 performances!

This week I've had great comedy sets at benefits for good causes. Thank you George Bettinger and Bill Drewes

The school year is over in two weeks. Also in that time my adventure as a theater arts "specialist", in Mayor Bill de Blasio's (pilot) after-school arts education program for middle-school students, ends.

I'm directing* the play, Ugly Is A Hard Pill, running July 16th, 18th & 19th; in the NYC Thespis Festival at the Hudson Guild Theater.

I've been educating myself in preparation for a run for my co-op board.

I'm still coloring my hair.

Rhonda Hansome is alive! See her do comedy and you will be too!

*www.DirectedByPassion.com

When  I started in comedy folks (not in the biz) complimented me with, "All you need is a shot on the Johnny Carson Show."  

After a year of feeling damn near powerless, I'm OK!

Water damage to my home has been repaired. I can now focus on making it more comfortable and aesthetically pleasing.

This year I started teaching 11 and 12 year-olds in an after-school arts program. As an experienced Director and Teaching Artist, I'm use to people listening to me, doing as I instruct and showing me respect. My current middle-school students do not. 

In fact they move about, in and out of the room on impulse. They randomly throw pencils, or juice cups across the room. They laugh in my face when they're not ignoring me entirely. They chatter non-stop or shout at each other, when they're
I have decided to not take myself seriously when in the company of these children. It's a mindfulness practice that should considerably reduce my stress and blood pressure. 

I got a response from my local assemblyman's office regarding the filth on the highway overpass to access my neighborhood park:



I am OK! 

May 17th I'm singing & slinging jokes at Don't Tell Mama.
May 21st I'm directing a piece in the New Federal Theater Writers' Showcase.
Check out my comedy calendar here.

See you soon enjoying the laughter!

I was She So Funny - MIA last week. Truth be told, at times, I've been away for months.

But I woke up feeling good about blogging this morning. That is until I read a FB post disparaging bloggers. Yes, I'm a super sensitive "Moon Child" aka Cancer zodiac sign, not that I believe in that ish!
Because I wasn't clear exactly what set comic Subhah Agarwal off, I hope she  responds to my FaceBook inquiry so I can solve the mystery and keep my mind right.

Subhah Agarwal is funny, gorgeous, edgy, young and works a lot. Maybe she can hip me to which social media platform's just not worth the time.

Or maybe she'll just tell me to stop using words like hip to to sound kool and to stop spelling cool, k-o-o-l, to sound hip.

I could also use a tutorial on which body parts I should mention multiple times on stage to get maximum shock and/or laugh value.

Note to all, this is NOT a rant about finally getting off this site and to someplace where I actually get comments which = the father love and attention I never got. *

BTW, Shout out to my beautiful sister blogger, producer & comic

Mindy Matijasevic 
who is frequently the only comment on my posts here!

As some previous posts have plainly stated, I'm ambivalent about blogging, which I guess by now should be vlogging or a top rated podcast or Meerkat or Poopdeck or whatever platform rolled out this morning while I was writing this post.

I may be swimming in the social media sea, trying to stay afloat but...

Today I'm giving myself points for treading water!

I'm (still) here without a clue.

Yours in the spirit of laughter, I remain,


Tell your friends to go see Rhonda Hansome performing HERE. Like, follow, friend, RT & re-post @RhondaHansome and use her hashtag, she needs validation.

*I know, "Let go of the abandonment issues." Easier said than done!