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    I came home from work one night not in the greatest of moods, and when I checked my email, this awaited me:


    Hi there!

    I wanted to let you know that a drawing of you is featured in the Spring 2014 issue of Drawing Magazine.  You can see larger scans of the magazine on my blog here.



    Thank you again for being such a wonderful model!

    Sometimes, I really just have to sit back and recognize how wonderful life can feel at moments.  I know it is Leah's success as an artist, but it still feels good to be a part of it.  I actually would like some of her focus to rub off on me.  She's going places.
    Then there are the women who don't want us to go anywhere.

    ​This was posted on Facebook and many comments followed.  As you can imagine, many people responded angrily and insultingly.  I get it, believe me.  But I tend to really want to get beyond that, so we can attempt to reach across and communicate at some point in some way.  So after comments like "Idiots" and "Stupid is as stupid does," I offered the following:

    "They have accepted the old ways of a woman being 'marriageable' as the most important thing, and that means putting us in a position of need (less money), so we will be a bit more desperate and the man can be the hero. Their goal would be to keep that way as the status quo, so from their view, we attack the status quo and they may feel it is a war on them. I really try to understand how women come to believe such bad stuff. They drank the kool-aid. It is very sad. When I was 9 years old, I won a male classmate at a game of checkers. When I happily and proudly skipped to my grandmother and told her, she was upset with me. I couldn't imagine why. I was heartbroken at her face. Then she scolded me that I was supposed to always let the man win. I couldn't get past a nine-year-old boy being called a man.  I'm sure I must've gotten teary-eyed because I so often felt that even when I did good, it was bad. This was just one more thing like that. I remember feeling so shocked that she was already treating me like I was
    supposed to be laying  down the groundwork for getting a husband. I was in 4th grade."

    And now for some fun!  Someone reading this can win a pair of tickets to see THE ANTHEM.

    THE ANTHEM is a rollicking sci-fi musical about a revolt of the young against an evil state lovingly inspired by the classic novella “Anthem.” Hunger Games meets Ayn Rand in a world where individuality is illegal. Prometheus abandons everything to confront the State -- controlled by the overlord of evil efficiency, Tiberius. With a forbidden copy of Ayn Rand's ancient tome in hand, can Prometheus overthrow the system?
    The Lynn Redgrave Theater at 45 Bleecker
    45 Bleecker Street 
    New York NY 10012
    CONTEST RESTRICTIONS: Winner will receive a ticket voucher redeemable for two tickets to
     a performance of his/her choice. Blackout dates and other restrictions may apply.


    If you don’t win tickets, you can still see the show at a great deal!
    $39 from May 20 to May 28 (regularly $60)
    $45 from May 30 to July 6 (regularly $64)
    IN PERSON: Bring this offer to The Lynn Redgrave Theater at 45 Bleecker
    PHONE: Call 866.811.4111 and mention code ANTRRM
    45 Bleecker Street (box office opens daily 2 hours before performances)
    RESTRICTIONS: Subject to availability. Maximum of 12 tickets per order. Not valid on prior purchase. Offer cannot be combined with other discounts or promotions. Additional blackout dates and restrictions may apply. No refunds or exchanges. Offer may be revoked at any time. Standard service fees apply to all phone and internet orders.

    To enter, all you need to do (in the spirit of keeping individuality legal) is create a word (that does not exist) that you find humorous and send it to me.  You might want to rename a part of the body, for instance.  Just by doing that, you are entered.  Your name will go in a bucket on a folded piece of paper.  The winner will be selected by her/his name being drawn from the bucket.  Though I'm asking for a word, winning is not based on what that word is.  You may enter your word by leaving it in a comment below, by leaving it on my Facebook wall, or by emailing me at  I love being able to do this from time to time.  Good luck!

    I had some time off from my day job.  That was really good timing.  I needed it.  The last thing that happened there was a clash with a "church-going woman" as she defined herself.  Oh Lord.  For such a cool and progressive man, certain of Jesus' followers are quite uptight.  Something fundamental got twisted in the translation.  Suffice it to say, I was glad to be saying good bye for a week.  'Cause I'm a "'fuck'-saying woman."
    fuck  fuck fuck  FUCK  fuck!!!
    Vulgarity and sarcasm are my other languages.  God knows, I need them.

    And in case there was a chance of getting bored, I received a text from a wrong number on Easter Sunday that continued into Monday. 
    • "Get ready baby for what I'm going to send you that's waiting for you when you come over tonight."
    • Not recognizing the number, I wrote back that I didn't know him and it must be a mistake.  But before that could happen, his next text came and, yes, it was a dick pic.  Even before my penis-free era, this was not something I'd find appealing.  I wouldn't want a picture of any isolated part of the body, and certainly not a stranger's.  So it strikes me as disgusting.  It's very different when you are into somebody and it is part of them.  But this is just the dick, like having one makes anyone special.  So I was angry at receiving it, and I wanted to strongly discourage this.  I told him to get that ugly thing out of here and that maybe some dude would like it.
    • "I am so so so so sorry.  It was a mistake.  I meant to send that to my girlfriend."
    • I thought that could be true.  I wrote back "Ok" and deleted everything.
    • later, another text:  "I'm really sorry about that mistake."
    • I thought that was suspicious that he would continue contact.  I deleted it and didn't respond.
    • later, another:  "Who are you?"
    • deleted and didn't respond.
    • "I accidentally sent you a picture of my penis earlier.  Could you delete it?"
    • "Deleted it after seeing it."
    • "Okay. Thank you."
    • okay, what the fuck is this shit.  a new way to meet someone?  dick first?  smothered with lies?  dick and lies -- aaahh, makes me remember why I'm penis-free.
    • "You said my penis was ugly.  Now I feel like I shouldn't send it to my GF."
    • This is when I am unsure what is crazier -- his texts or that I actually would feel not okay about lowering someone's self-esteem, especially if it is so fragile and dependent on his penis.
    • "The whole idea of anyone sending someone a dick pic is distasteful to me."
    • many hours later: "Yeah but my dick don't look ugly."
    • deleted and didn't respond.
    • and another:  "I apologize for that tho.  Gd bye."
    • deleted and didn't respond.

    I hope this lovely conversation is over.  I wonder how the "church-going woman" would have handled it.  Goodness.  The man sounded hurt by the end.  Let this be a warning.  You want your dick to be admired?  Don't land it on my phone/in my living room uninvited.  It's really not a  difficult concept.  Thank you for your cooperation.

    Mindy Matijasevic

    In the neighborhood donut shop, I had a chance to speak briefly with a woman I was once close friends with.  I think in a very few sentences, we were basically caught up on the big picture without the details.
         "I like your hairstyle.  It looks glamorous."
         "Even though the beautician ignored my instructions and I didn't like it, when Tommy saw it, he said it was marvelous."
         "Who's Tommy?"
         "Tommy's been around for about thirty years."
         "Well, we haven't really spoken at length in about that long or more.  I've been married and divorced.  My son is twenty-two."
         "Your son is twenty-two.  Wow.  You look good."
         "Now.  Even when I'm not all fixed up, I at least look like I want to live.  In a bad marriage, death doesn't seem so bad.  It would all be over."



  4. I submitted to a comedy festival.  Those accepted will be announced by September 1, 2014.  There's an entry fee and I got the early bird special entry fee, so I feel reasonable about it.  I accept that the prize money has to come from somewhere.  I don't have a real sense if submitting is premature, or if I'm a contender.  I go back and forth on that.  But I had the money and chose to take a shot.  It can really boost things along if I'm among those selected to participate.  Paid work, exposure to some who can impact my road, and all that jazz.


    I know some who have won in the past.  They are definitely further along.  They may have been further along before entering as well.

    I asked around some to hear views about entering.  Of course, in any competition, the majority do not win.  So some of those folks felt ripped off.  Having to pay someone to watch their tape didn't sit well.  I understand that too. 
    Speaking of competitions, I'm also in the running in the poetry category of the annual competition from the Bronx Council on the Arts.  They select people for B.R.I.O. (Bronx Recognizes Its Own) awards which comes with a grant.  There are many categories.  I won in 1999 for nonfiction literature and in 2001 for poetry.  There is no entry fee for this as the money comes from grants.  The monetary prize would help me a lot now.

    On a totally different note, I have had a twisted back for over a week now.  I was in so much pain.  Took a hot shower, had Ben-Gay on, but my sleeping surface isn't helpful and may be partly responsible.  It had been getting better last week, but then maybe I re-injured it in my sleep.  I couldn't do much this past weekend.  Took me over eight hours to get one small wash done at the Laundromat.  Ugh. 
    Then there's all the emotional stuff which is what I consider the real life.  There are many people I want to be able to make contact with while we are all still on this Earth.  Many are cousins who were kept in the dark about what my life was all about growing up.  The problem is how risky it all is.  Some prefer the dark.  They paint their own pictures.  Some could never believe things I experienced by people they had very different experiences with.  Some feel abandoned by me but have no idea how painful it all is for me.  Some can't process my reality.  There's a lot of blaming the victim that goes on.  Then there are people who were friends, and for whatever reasons, some still unclear to myself, I didn't continue the friendship.  One has weighed on my heart much of my adult life.  Billy Groginsky.  A very good human.  I often want to contact him but am not sure what to say that would mean anything to another person.  He didn't deserve to be made to feel bad by me.  He was always good to me.  I've cried much over this.
    There are aunts and uncles who I wish could understand what weighs on my heart.  I had hoped my autobiography would've been written before now.  I had hoped everyone would've understood more of the picture.  But it isn't written.  Truthfully it wouldn't have been as good as when I do write it because I have reached deeper understanding now.  But my grandparents, parents, and my mother's oldest three siblings have all passed.  I hope they are still alive in whatever form and aware of me.  Sometimes I feel sure they are.  I talk to them often.  Some cousins and friends have passed too.  It all hurts a lot.  The estrangement with those alive hurts too. 
    When my body isn't up to par, I can really delve into unhappy places.  I guess it boils down to missing my mommy which was often my grandma as well.  While I miss everyone, these were also very troubled relationships (not so much with my mother as I never had to doubt her love, but that's a whole other tragedy).  Anyway, I remembered a once best friend telling me about the wonders of Alleve.  I bought some, and it helped my back (and mood) a lot. 
    Some relationships at work are great while others are challenging in very different ways.  Sometimes for breakfast, I watch this to help me get ready.

    Then, due to the era in which we are living, there are moments that are such wonderful surprise gifts.  A woman on Facebook from Australia saw my video and wrote:

    Hi Mindy loved your standup video-I would love to see more youre really good!

    ...And that was so uplifting and made me glad once again that I applied for the festival.  So we'll see what happens.  You know I'll share with my readers, fans, friends.  While I'm thinking of it, let me ask you once again if you know folks who'd be curious about the off-stage life of a N.Y.C. woman trying to make it in comedy, please share this link with them.  I thank you.


    Did ya ever want to just call your job and say:
    • I can't come in today.  My ass is broken.
    • I can't come in today.  My spirit is crushed.
    • I can't come in today.  I was doing yoga, and my big toe is stuck up my ass.
    • I can't make it in today.  The weight of modern society has dragged me down.
    • I won't be in.  I'm way too orgasmic to go to work today.
    • Turrets kicking in, ya phony bastard.  So I am calling in sick, condescending bigoted asshole.  You disgust me on so many levels.  Have a good day.  Shit fuck.  See you tomorrow, God willing.