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  1. How I'm Doin'

    Monday, July 27, 2020

    I enjoy the sensation of running my fingers through my just washed and dried hair.  So soft and smooth and clean.

    I’ve been pushing through molasses.  My big accomplishments today were taking out garbage, buying food, washing my hair, buying dental floss, walking up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, and returning one phone call.  If you saw/knew my situation, you’d agree that much more needs to happen.

    There are folks who don’t think they are doing much, but they ARE, in my opinion.

    My friend Leighann Lord, who normally does stuff like this:  

    is now doing things like this:  

    People are zooming shows and open mics, and I’m just trying to de-clutter, clean, eat, not lose another tooth, return phone calls and emails (I’ve been awful about that), write a poem once a week, come up with comedy material every now and then, live in spite of too much heartache and way too little money.

    I was asked if I wanted to participate in a socially distant dating show.  said, “Nah. I don’t want to date. It’s more dangerous than COVID-19.”

    One day, I fell in and out of sleep all day and had intense dreams -- the kind I was relieved to wake up from and realize they were dreams. 

    Last night, I had pasta at 3:50AM.  That’s how I’m doing.

    Love to CGG-M always. 💕  

  2. I am proud to say I de-cluttered for over an hour yesterday.  Without getting caught up in reading them, I tore up letters from a relationship from 1979.  Amongst the letters were a few interesting items.  One was a photo of me at a Halloween party on Heath Avenue in the Bronx where I was dressed as a mermaid.  I had made the costume.  I was probably a size 5 at that time.  Back then, I wanted to get to a size 9.  Now I’d like to be anywhere in that zone.

    Yesterday, I was waiting to enter a store that lets in one customer at a time.  I appreciate that they do that.  A man, unmasked, was near me outside the store and not keeping distance.  He was speaking on the phone and, I’m sure, generating droplets.  He stood right near me.  I don’t assume it is not caring.  I got the feeling he was clueless and simply unaware of himself.  I had a jacket on due to the drizzling.  I lifted up my jacket and hid my face from his breath.  I used my jacket as a curtain.  He was so engrossed in his conversation, I don’t think he noticed.  I didn’t say anything to him.  But all this shit worries me.  There are only a few stores in my immediate neighborhood that take such precautions.  They both catch hell from idiots.  My pharmacist told me those people’s brains are turned upside down. 

    “Like the country and the president,” I said.  She nodded but was careful not to say anything.  The places that actually care to keep us safe catch all the hell.

    I hope I didn’t make myself sick when I decluttered.  My throat feels a bit sore.  I gargled with Listerine when I first felt it.

    I saw my feline friend, Mustache, twice today at the discount store.  We had two love sessions.  It feels like therapy for both of us.  Goddess knows, I need it.  And judging from Mustache’s reaction to me, she needs it too.

    Sprinkled into my lethargy have been some bright moments.  The publisher of Home Planet News accepted all four short poems I sent him for their November publication.  The director of City Lore requested one of my poems about living through the pandemic to be included in their archives. 

    I do look forward to being able to earn money.  I had some ease from a tax refund, but that has ended.  I’m f’d again.  I could really use another relief check from the government.  I’m sure most people need it.  I can’t wait to have the orange one voted out.  He’s even killing off some of his own base with his insanity.  That’s what happens when image is more important than reality.

    I was part of a poetry event on July 9th that was done through zoom.  don’t have a webcam or mic in my desktop computer.  So I didn’t think I could be part of it.  The woman organizing the event, Lucy Aponte (Director of the Poe Park Visitors’ Center), knows me and wanted me in it.  She was so accommodating.  Lucy told me I could call in.  So while I can see and hear everyone else, they couldn’t see me.  They heard me on the phone.  The event was great.  The line-up, so talented.  Lucy has good taste.  Aside from poetry, there was a piano performance of two Beatles’ songs and a Tango for two men dance performance.  After the presentations, there was time for getting to know each other.  One of the very talented writers, Maria Aponte, spoke on all the accents she heard and how the “woman on the phone” sounded like New York.  I was the “woman on the phone.”  I was so thrilled.  There are too many people out there (who consider themselves progressive) who think I should lose my Bronx accent.  At a past teaching job, the administrative staff wouldn’t say it directly, but they considered it acceptable to mimic and mock my Bronx accent.  We worked in the Bronx, and they didn’t even have any awareness of how much they disrespected Bronx people/students.  Fuck that.  I am able to sound less Bronx and would do it for an acting role, but as a real person, I like sounding like where I come from.  A poet I know, Rosette Capotorto, a Bronx Italian who moved to New Jersey, said she vowed to never lose her Bronx accent.  I loved her more after I read that.

    Love to CGG-M ❤❤❤