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  1. Sequels: The Stabbing; The Laptop

    Monday, October 19, 2020

    My faithful readers, you might be interested in a follow-up to the last two blog entries.  If you didn’t have a chance to read them:


    The woman who stabbed her boyfriend to death in my neighborhood:  I was told it was an abusive relationship, and I wrote that I didn’t know who the abuser was.  Well, here’s the update.  He had been the abuser.  The woman dragged his body out of the building and screamed for people to call the police.  She screamed that she killed him.  She was totally traumatized.  She still had her kitchen knife in her bloody hands.  She handed the knife to the police.  Guilty people don’t act like that; traumatized people do.


    Her neighbors stepped up and spoke to Daily News reporters.  They said she tried to get rid of him, but he wouldn’t go.  He’d humiliate her in public and declared she was going to be with him or no one.  I hope so much that the neighbors step up in court.  When someone decides you are their property, you are living in danger.  They heard her screaming, “Leave me alone!”  To me, it sounds like one of them was going to die.  I lost no sleep that it was the abuser who died.  She handed the knife to the police.  She was not hiding.  She was horrified that she killed him.  My feeling is that she just needed to save her own life and grabbed a kitchen knife.  It’s not like she was armed with a switchblade in advance or anything.  I pray she doesn’t get imprisoned for saving her own life. 🙇


    As a former co-worker (a traditional older man from Puerto Rico) once told me, when I shared what my situation was at that time, “When a woman wants you to leave, you have to leave. Otherwise that is no good. That is going to get very bad.” 


    So true.



    Now about my secret angel and the laptop:  Yesterday, I remembered that many months ago (maybe before the pandemic) a friend from the writing community told me that a friend of his was getting rid of a laptop with a webcam in it and asked if I’d want it.  I had said YES!  Then he said it would be a while since the hard drive needed to be wiped clean.  I kind of forgot about it until yesterday.  I wrote him and asked if he was the secret angel.  He wrote back, “Guilty as charged.”  He said when he read my blogs that still said I had no webcam, he assumed someone took the package since that goes on where he lives too.  He said he didn’t want to ask me if I received it because he didn’t want me to feel bad if it had been stolen. 💙  He never imagined the box was sitting in my foyer for a few months.  Most people would not imagine what a procrastinator I can be.  It’s not a great way to live.  My secret angel requested to stay anonymous.  So I’m not naming him.  I just hope the goodness he puts out into the world comes back to him.  He deserves it.  💜


    As a kid, I used to love the Nancy Drew books.  This would’ve been called, “The Mystery of the Laptop.”  And this mystery is solved.  My buddy/best friend/unofficially adopted brother is going to try to get it all set up for me this week sometime. 💚 This means I will be able to be part of zoom open comedy mics, the poetry workshop folks will see and hear me like I see and hear them, and maybe I can do auditions again (if I know how to do it on a webcam).  I’m entering this century little by little.


    Thanks, all of you, for your interest.  I appreciate you. 😊

    Much love always to CGG-M ❤❤❤

    Mindy Matijasevic   Oct. 2020

  2. Will the Secret Angel Please Stand Up

    Friday, October 16, 2020


    I feel there are angels on Earth.  They usually don’t make front page news as the devils do.  I would love for a particular angel to reveal her/himself to me.



    Several months ago, when I returned home from the store, a big box was in front of my door.  I hadn’t bought anything, so I thought it might be meant for a neighbor.  I checked and it had my name on it.  No return address.  It was delivered by Amazon Prime.  On the outside of the box, it said, “lithium batteries.”  I was puzzled because the box was so large.


    I then thought that maybe the landlord sent lithium batteries for the smoke alarm or something.  I let the box sit in my foyer for a few months.  Usually my buddy helps me with things like this, but I hadn’t had him or anyone in my house since the pandemic took over.  Since I thought it was batteries, it didn’t take a high priority for me.  Life went on with more immediate problems and issues, so I tended to forget about the box.


    Yesterday (Thursday), my buddy was going to come over to help me with something else more pressing, and then I was going to go to his house to help him with something I had more patience with than he.  I remembered the box and asked him for his help with that also since he was in my apartment anyway.  He, too, wondered why a big box said “lithium batteries.”  He opened it, and surprise surprise, it was a brand new laptop including lithium batteries.  He said it might be a rebuilt laptop but it looked brand new.  There was no indication of who sent it.


    I know in my blogs I have mentioned how acting gigs have been asking for videos in place of in-person auditions, and how that meant no auditions for me since I don’t have all that fancy technology.  Some might call me a dinosaur.  It has more to do with lack of finances than with being a dinosaur.  I’ve also mentioned that when I attend a zoom event, I can see and hear everyone, but since I don’t have a webcam or mic, I can only use the chat box.  So I am thinking it may have been sent from someone who reads my blog.


    My buddy and I were wearing masks in the apartment which was uncomfortable, and we still had to get to his house to do what he needed done, so we put everything back in the box.  He will set it up for me in the near future.  He told me it has a webcam.  This is exciting.  However, it does mean I will have to be dressed and looking somewhat decent when I attend a zoom event.


    This is no small gift.  I really want to know who sent it to me.  Several angels came to mind.  But it is very puzzling that the person didn’t ask me if I received it.  It was left by my door.  I am lucky my immediate neighbors on my floor are honest people.  But anyone else could have taken it, and I’d never know since I wasn’t expecting a package.


    I’m so moved by so many who have helped me out since I lost my job and have been scraping by.  But this feels enormous.  Let me know who you are.  Please.  And THANK YOU!



    Love to CGG-M always.  ❤❤❤



    Mindy Matijasevic  



  3. In and Out of Funkville

    Sunday, October 11, 2020


    I thank God/dess for the people in my life who, from time to time, pull me out of my funk.  A writer friend hired me to proofread a grant application for her.  When I finally did the work, I actually felt productive and useful.  It’s been a while since I felt that way.


    Over a week ago, I spilled some wine and fucked up my keyboard.  I couldn’t even type in my password to get on the computer, never mind get on-line.  My buddy loaned me a keyboard and told me how to connect it to my computer.  So I’m back in business.  However, when it all happened, I couldn’t participate in the weekly poetry workshop that is often a highlight of my week.  I was able to return the following week.  It makes such a difference for me.  The interaction with the others has become so necessary, even if it is only on-line.  Even without a webcam or mic, I can see and hear the others, plus I can write in the chat box.


    A friend from high school sent me a monetary gift.  The generosity and love – wow.  I can keep my utilities going (including internet, cable, and phone).  Thank you, Susy. 💛


    My friend Mindy Levokove and I are going to meet this week so she can record me reading 15 – 20 minutes of my poetry.  She is going to have two more poets as well and present it as a poetry reading on line.  I am glad to be part of that.  We will do this outdoors, so we are not breathing at each other.  This will be my first train ride in many months.  I hope no craziness breaks out.  Since birth, I have had way too much craziness in my life.


    As I continue to declutter my apartment, I find so many more piles.  It is so overwhelming.  I live in a one-bedroom apartment, and I don’t know how I ever fit so much shit in here.  Goodness!  It is such a mirror image of the heavy piles inside me.


    Tonight I went to the store.  The corner was blocked by police tape.  There was a patrol car on the sidewalk, lights flashing.  I asked the store worker what happened.  Apparently a woman stabbed her boyfriend to death.  Someone else told me it had been an abusive relationship.  Without more info, I don’t know which one was the abuser.  I do know many people have a worse situation than I.  Again, I felt grateful that I (with the help of Divine intervention) have stayed away from romantic involvements.  It doesn’t feel worth it to me.  Plus I watch a lot of “Dateline.” I feel horrified at people without a conscience and a great sense of relief that I don’t date anymore. 


    Another of my pandemic poems has been published on line by Highland Park Poetry.   It is the October 10th daily poem.


    Regarding the VP debate:





    Much love to CGG-M 💕💕

    Mindy Matijasevic







  4. Pretenders To Blackness by Rhonda Hansome

    Wednesday, September 30, 2020


    I'm Back & Black!

    I'll admit it was a rough week. I'd never heard of iritis but after a minor laser procedure; I had it! 3 different antihistimines in 1 day, debilitating hay fever symptoms, I had it! 

     Kentucky AG Daniel Cameron's absurd, white supremacist white washed summary of the

     Grand Jury investigation of cops who murdered Breonna Taylor, I got it! 

    I won't call Daniel Cameron a Coon, Tom, Butter Biscuit, Bootlick, Buck Broken Self-Hating House Negro. However, I do recognize in his public life he's an obvious and too convenient

    Pretender to Blackness

    But a gaggle of imposters, Jessica Krug, Satchuel Cole and CV Vitolo Haddad, admitting to their duplicitous lives and activism, left me ranting, I can't even! Not today satan! WTF!!???

    Former Spokane Washington NAACP President 

    Rachel Dolezal
    may be the most infamous of a lying breed of white women whose "Black status" lead them to social esteem and career advancement. 
                                                                                                         Jessica Krug  
    Satchuel Cole                                                       CV Vitolo Haddad

    Threatened with their lives of subterfuge being revealed, these white women admitted they're long time

               Pretenders to Blackness

    I have always been fascinated by Blacks who can/do pass into whitness. Their ability to leave anti-Black racism in the rear view mirror and the prospect of a life devoid of overt bias and racial discrimination in exchange for denying culture and DNA has always intrigued me.

    But what makes a woman born into entitlement deny her white skin to live a racial lie? I have no idea. 

    If you know, please tell me in the comments, if not tell me what you think about Pretenders To Blackness

    Rhonda Hansome is a comedian, director, actress, cartoon writer & a contributor to Politipod podcast. Follow, Like & Comment On Rhonda's Twitter, IG & FB


    Some of my African-American friends use the phrase “Not all my skin folk are my kin folk.”  That rings so true for me as well.  Not only about skin folk; sometimes it’s about vagina folk.  Trump selecting a vagina-owner, who would roll back so much that women have fought to achieve, to replace Ruth Bader Ginsburg is NOT okay.  That is NO replacement.


    What country can we move to where people are evolved enough to know that women are adult people who taught most of you to wipe your azz?  I ask that out of desperation.  I really want to stay here if it will return to a democracy and improve from there.


    It takes so long to build something good and so little to destroy it. 


     I know a man who did this to his son.  That's the legacy he chooses to leave.


    Recently, I was contacted by a woman who believed I was her teacher in the 1980s in an adult education program in Manhattan.  She sent a photo of me and two students.  It was a very skinny me and two very happy looking young women.  Part of what she wrote was: 

    You were very kind and helped us all a great deal. … Mindy it was really nice to have the opportunity to say thank you for all your help.

    For me, the timing was good.  I needed a pick-me-up, and that did it.  I so appreciated her sentiments.  I don’t even know if I was that good in the 80s; I got better with time, experience, professional development, and self-knowledge.  Nothing beats self-knowledge.



    I recently received two helpful monetary gifts.  One was from a woman I only know on-line.  I tried to talk her out of it, but she refused to hear no.  The other was from a woman who I have had a warm and cold relationship with at a former job, so it was rather shocking to me.  I was always puzzled by what went on.  The boss at that time had set a bad tone, used words like “nice” and “sincere” as bad words, and maybe I should have left years before my employment there ended.  Then he could’ve hired an insincere bitch, and the intermediate level adult students would fade away which would confirm the administration’s prejudice that those students don’t learn and have poor attendance and blah blah blah.  But if I had left, then I would not have had the next boss who really appreciated me and my work including my relationships with my students.  That person once told me, “You really care, and it shows in everything you do.”   She warmed my heart.  However, when that person left, I was f’d.  A teacher who told his students that he “doesn’t give a shit” got a really nice gift and a big party from the staff and administrators at the end of his time there.  I loved my students in general, and most loved me.  The students were a huge part of why I stayed.  There were other perks too.  Over time, some former co-workers took me out for dinner, sent me gift cards, money, and a full gift bag from Fresh Foods.  Given my needs, this most recent gift definitely beat a job party.  And it came from someone who demonstrated such mixed feelings toward me.  I’m still puzzled.  I’m also grateful.  Nothing is simple.



    On another note --- my friend, Mindy Levokove, who is also a former co-worker (a wonderful one) has a new poetry book out called Mount Eden Avenue.


    They have arrived and are available for purchase! Only ten bucks.



    Mindy Levokove can be found on Facebook.  If you aren’t on Facebook, you can let me know how she can contact you.  I will certainly pass that along.



    Much love to CGG-M ❤❤❤



    Mindy Matijasevic, September 27, 2020 

  6. Oy Vey

    Monday, September 21, 2020


    Losing John Lewis and Ruth Bader Ginsburg within a few months and shortly before the election is just horrendous.  When that special report interrupted a game show the other evening, I said “Uh-oh” and I hoped so much a certain devil’s time on Earth was over.  Then they announced that an angel died instead.


    My head dropped.  I know no one lives forever, and she was 87 and had survived cancer more than once, but of all the people to lose …


    The current presidency reminds me of a magnification of a damaging relationship I was in at one time.  Whenever I felt we needed to try to talk about and resolve the last shit that went on, another incident would take place, and another, and another.  Like with Trump, I hardly hear about the thousands of children’s lives he destroyed tearing them from their mothers and fathers and locking them up as if they were criminals.  Then losing many (I believe to trafficking), so there’s no chance for repair.  We watched him let citizens who reside in Puerto Rico suffer and die. He tossed them the cheap brand of paper towel.  He accused their president of being corrupt.  He didn’t even know he was their president. 


    I taught adults for over 30 years who needed to complete their basic education.  I can honestly say that unless Trump paid someone to take his high school equivalency test (like he did with his SATs), I don’t think he could pass the exam for a high school diploma.  He certainly couldn’t write a coherent essay.  Telling me how fantastic and huge and bigly something is doesn’t cut it.


    My grandfather served in the military for this country.  It hurts. 


    I am sickened by so much.  It’s not helping anyone and certainly not me. 


    In many ways, I have fallen into an isolating rut.  Yesterday I decided to try to do something that would help me break out of the rut.  I did something I haven’t done in way too long.  I called back a friend.




    Love to CGG-M ❤❤❤

    Mindy Matijasevic 9/21/2020





  7. Up, Down, Up

    Saturday, September 12, 2020


    If you need your spirits uplifted, this will do it (99% sure).  It's about 2 minutes.

    I watched it 4 times because it made me feel good.  I hope it does so for all of you as well.


    I’ve unfortunately known Trump-ish types in my life.  I think Trump should write a book he could write all on his own – The Art of the Lie.  The forward can be written by a number of candidates I know whose first language is lying.


    Most of you know, besides comedy material, I also write memoir and poetry.  I rarely write in rhyme, but occasionally I like to play with that.  Here’s a recent poem that does use rhyme.




    We can vote

    without getting sick

    No doctor’s note

    to mail our pick


    Risky though …

    could end in a dump

    if we don’t show

    it’s a vote for Trump


    He hates women, blacks

    immigrants and Jews

    More than that

    he hates to lose


    When hurt people lootin’ is worse than militia shootin’

    no one’s happier than Trump and Putin



    Mindy Matijasevic





    Daily love, thoughts, and concern for CGG-M ❤❤❤