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    My friend Mindy Levokove, a woman of many talents, shared her Roof Dance with me.  Like her poetry and her singing, it feels meditative.  Enjoy.



    I heard from a former student on Facebook.  I had wished her a happy birthday and she responded:

    Student:  Thank you ❤️ how are you?  i miss you

    Me:  You know Brian and the new boss tossed me and other loved staff. They like the one you hated. Isn't that something? 

    Student:  Uhhhhh i know they need to get there shit together over there lol



    I heard the orange one on TV saying if he loses, politics will be very boring.  I sure welcome boring if it means sanity.  I don’t need caged children/ruined lives for excitement.  Life provides enough uncertainty and excitement.


    I did my early voting.  I was concerned about many things, but it was so well organized and well-staffed, I was delighted.  I received a pen, a bracelet, and the sticker.  Now I pray we get a president.  I am proud of how New York is handling voting.  I am super proud of New Yorkers for voting.





    White supremacists aside, gay men have declared they are the Proud Boys, so to make things clear:






    Love to CGG-M ❤❤❤

    Mindy Matijasevic   10/30/2020

  2. Sequels: The Stabbing; The Laptop

    Monday, October 19, 2020

    My faithful readers, you might be interested in a follow-up to the last two blog entries.  If you didn’t have a chance to read them:


    The woman who stabbed her boyfriend to death in my neighborhood:  I was told it was an abusive relationship, and I wrote that I didn’t know who the abuser was.  Well, here’s the update.  He had been the abuser.  The woman dragged his body out of the building and screamed for people to call the police.  She screamed that she killed him.  She was totally traumatized.  She still had her kitchen knife in her bloody hands.  She handed the knife to the police.  Guilty people don’t act like that; traumatized people do.


    Her neighbors stepped up and spoke to Daily News reporters.  They said she tried to get rid of him, but he wouldn’t go.  He’d humiliate her in public and declared she was going to be with him or no one.  I hope so much that the neighbors step up in court.  When someone decides you are their property, you are living in danger.  They heard her screaming, “Leave me alone!”  To me, it sounds like one of them was going to die.  I lost no sleep that it was the abuser who died.  She handed the knife to the police.  She was not hiding.  She was horrified that she killed him.  My feeling is that she just needed to save her own life and grabbed a kitchen knife.  It’s not like she was armed with a switchblade in advance or anything.  I pray she doesn’t get imprisoned for saving her own life. 🙇


    As a former co-worker (a traditional older man from Puerto Rico) once told me, when I shared what my situation was at that time, “When a woman wants you to leave, you have to leave. Otherwise that is no good. That is going to get very bad.” 


    So true.



    Now about my secret angel and the laptop:  Yesterday, I remembered that many months ago (maybe before the pandemic) a friend from the writing community told me that a friend of his was getting rid of a laptop with a webcam in it and asked if I’d want it.  I had said YES!  Then he said it would be a while since the hard drive needed to be wiped clean.  I kind of forgot about it until yesterday.  I wrote him and asked if he was the secret angel.  He wrote back, “Guilty as charged.”  He said when he read my blogs that still said I had no webcam, he assumed someone took the package since that goes on where he lives too.  He said he didn’t want to ask me if I received it because he didn’t want me to feel bad if it had been stolen. 💙  He never imagined the box was sitting in my foyer for a few months.  Most people would not imagine what a procrastinator I can be.  It’s not a great way to live.  My secret angel requested to stay anonymous.  So I’m not naming him.  I just hope the goodness he puts out into the world comes back to him.  He deserves it.  💜


    As a kid, I used to love the Nancy Drew books.  This would’ve been called, “The Mystery of the Laptop.”  And this mystery is solved.  My buddy/best friend/unofficially adopted brother is going to try to get it all set up for me this week sometime. 💚 This means I will be able to be part of zoom open comedy mics, the poetry workshop folks will see and hear me like I see and hear them, and maybe I can do auditions again (if I know how to do it on a webcam).  I’m entering this century little by little.


    Thanks, all of you, for your interest.  I appreciate you. 😊

    Much love always to CGG-M ❤❤❤

    Mindy Matijasevic   Oct. 2020

  3. Will the Secret Angel Please Stand Up

    Friday, October 16, 2020


    I feel there are angels on Earth.  They usually don’t make front page news as the devils do.  I would love for a particular angel to reveal her/himself to me.



    Several months ago, when I returned home from the store, a big box was in front of my door.  I hadn’t bought anything, so I thought it might be meant for a neighbor.  I checked and it had my name on it.  No return address.  It was delivered by Amazon Prime.  On the outside of the box, it said, “lithium batteries.”  I was puzzled because the box was so large.


    I then thought that maybe the landlord sent lithium batteries for the smoke alarm or something.  I let the box sit in my foyer for a few months.  Usually my buddy helps me with things like this, but I hadn’t had him or anyone in my house since the pandemic took over.  Since I thought it was batteries, it didn’t take a high priority for me.  Life went on with more immediate problems and issues, so I tended to forget about the box.


    Yesterday (Thursday), my buddy was going to come over to help me with something else more pressing, and then I was going to go to his house to help him with something I had more patience with than he.  I remembered the box and asked him for his help with that also since he was in my apartment anyway.  He, too, wondered why a big box said “lithium batteries.”  He opened it, and surprise surprise, it was a brand new laptop including lithium batteries.  He said it might be a rebuilt laptop but it looked brand new.  There was no indication of who sent it.


    I know in my blogs I have mentioned how acting gigs have been asking for videos in place of in-person auditions, and how that meant no auditions for me since I don’t have all that fancy technology.  Some might call me a dinosaur.  It has more to do with lack of finances than with being a dinosaur.  I’ve also mentioned that when I attend a zoom event, I can see and hear everyone, but since I don’t have a webcam or mic, I can only use the chat box.  So I am thinking it may have been sent from someone who reads my blog.


    My buddy and I were wearing masks in the apartment which was uncomfortable, and we still had to get to his house to do what he needed done, so we put everything back in the box.  He will set it up for me in the near future.  He told me it has a webcam.  This is exciting.  However, it does mean I will have to be dressed and looking somewhat decent when I attend a zoom event.


    This is no small gift.  I really want to know who sent it to me.  Several angels came to mind.  But it is very puzzling that the person didn’t ask me if I received it.  It was left by my door.  I am lucky my immediate neighbors on my floor are honest people.  But anyone else could have taken it, and I’d never know since I wasn’t expecting a package.


    I’m so moved by so many who have helped me out since I lost my job and have been scraping by.  But this feels enormous.  Let me know who you are.  Please.  And THANK YOU!



    Love to CGG-M always.  ❤❤❤



    Mindy Matijasevic  



  4. In and Out of Funkville

    Sunday, October 11, 2020


    I thank God/dess for the people in my life who, from time to time, pull me out of my funk.  A writer friend hired me to proofread a grant application for her.  When I finally did the work, I actually felt productive and useful.  It’s been a while since I felt that way.


    Over a week ago, I spilled some wine and fucked up my keyboard.  I couldn’t even type in my password to get on the computer, never mind get on-line.  My buddy loaned me a keyboard and told me how to connect it to my computer.  So I’m back in business.  However, when it all happened, I couldn’t participate in the weekly poetry workshop that is often a highlight of my week.  I was able to return the following week.  It makes such a difference for me.  The interaction with the others has become so necessary, even if it is only on-line.  Even without a webcam or mic, I can see and hear the others, plus I can write in the chat box.


    A friend from high school sent me a monetary gift.  The generosity and love – wow.  I can keep my utilities going (including internet, cable, and phone).  Thank you, Susy. 💛


    My friend Mindy Levokove and I are going to meet this week so she can record me reading 15 – 20 minutes of my poetry.  She is going to have two more poets as well and present it as a poetry reading on line.  I am glad to be part of that.  We will do this outdoors, so we are not breathing at each other.  This will be my first train ride in many months.  I hope no craziness breaks out.  Since birth, I have had way too much craziness in my life.


    As I continue to declutter my apartment, I find so many more piles.  It is so overwhelming.  I live in a one-bedroom apartment, and I don’t know how I ever fit so much shit in here.  Goodness!  It is such a mirror image of the heavy piles inside me.


    Tonight I went to the store.  The corner was blocked by police tape.  There was a patrol car on the sidewalk, lights flashing.  I asked the store worker what happened.  Apparently a woman stabbed her boyfriend to death.  Someone else told me it had been an abusive relationship.  Without more info, I don’t know which one was the abuser.  I do know many people have a worse situation than I.  Again, I felt grateful that I (with the help of Divine intervention) have stayed away from romantic involvements.  It doesn’t feel worth it to me.  Plus I watch a lot of “Dateline.” I feel horrified at people without a conscience and a great sense of relief that I don’t date anymore. 


    Another of my pandemic poems has been published on line by Highland Park Poetry.   It is the October 10th daily poem.


    Regarding the VP debate:





    Much love to CGG-M 💕💕

    Mindy Matijasevic