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  1. The Grass Is Not Greener By Rhonda Hansome

    Thursday, February 27, 2014


    His compelling scent played an olfactory rhapsody, a clarion on my lips, mouth, and tongue.


    He glistened and silently beckoned me to rapture.
    When we touch begins the dance blissful - at first -  but ends a pas de deux to death.
    Weak kneed and flush with the shame of my desire I managed to whisper, “No.”
    I turned and walked away from his seductive sweetness sure to betray.
    At the tender age of 5 I had to be vigilant, be strong, beware.
    We had a stormy history Chocolate and I.
     
    To be continued...
     
    Rhonda Hansome is lost in the digital wilderness and drinking tears because martinis fuck with her blood pressure meds. 
     













































     
     
     

     

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  2. Sometimes Life Writes Its Own Comedy

    Tuesday, February 25, 2014


     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Text Exchange

    "I hope you had a better Valentine's Day than my 1st after getting married.  I had a new baby, no available parents, and it was the first year the man who made the baby decided his wife wasn't worth a card or gift.  At first I wanted to wish you the same.  But my son will suffer, so I prefer his dad has a will to live.  I know you need one woman at home.  Then you are able to attract others better because you don't seem desperate.  So I hope you feel good with Katy.  It may mean my son has peace.  I'm grateful if he doesn't have to hear his mommy be referred to as a bitch.  I hope you had a very loving Valentine's Day."


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    "Thank you for the good wish."
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  3. My Facebook experience is getting more and more annoying.  I do not care what secret Ellen is keeping from me.  She's not my wife or husband.  She doesn't owe me her secrets.  Her hidden secret that shocked the world.  Oh puhleeze.   I also don't have any interest in what 3 things repel men.  I'm just sorry the same shit I grew up with is still filling the eyes and ears and minds of women.  Let's not repel men, oh God forbid.  Better advice:  be you, the best you you can be, and those who enter your life, and make you glad they did, are your peeps.  Let the others be repelled.  Boy, I learned how to get a man too well and I must've learned how to keep one because I couldn't get rid of the one I needed to get rid of for a long-ass time.  Those were the skills I lacked.  I was like a kidnap victim.  Still shaking it off.  His 'love' was an act of hatred.  I needed to learn how to slip out of a life-hold.
     



    I am actually proud that I've given myself a nice long penis-free period of time.  I needed it.  I think I needed it years ago, but like many things, I'll have to take it when I can make it happen.  I admit, there were times I thought I wanted to be with someone and then would be thanking God for not giving me what I had thought I wanted.  In retrospect, I'd see so clearly what I was spared of.  I shuddered at some of the ones I thought I wanted.  It showed me my lack of growth in some areas.  It also may have been a weaning off from a certain personality, so I kept attracting that type of person -- both genders -- but to lighter degrees (except for one who was crazier but, thankfully, many states away and not with money to spare and hop on planes).  I learned from some of my attractions that I was better off without involvements until I can trust my ability to back off.  I am okay with meeting and getting to know someone.  But when I sense that this will not be a good fit, I don't always back off.  I see the red flags, but I haven't always honored them.  And that's how I've ended up in bad situations.  I cannot control how many bad m-f's are out there or how they will behave.  I can only hope to control my behavior.  I realize that one of the results of my childhood is not to listen to my insides.  I have been staying very conscious and obeying my insides more.  The more I value my life, the easier it gets. 


    This past weekend was needed.  At first I was glad to not have plans with anyone because I wanted the freedom to do nothing.  Well I'm a little too good at doing nothing.  Then I feel like crap for doing nothing when there is plenty needing doing.  Then I sink further inside.  It can be rich if I'm using my finds for a poem or a story or a role I'm cast in or if I'm in a therapy session, but just sitting in my shit is not how I want to be.  The lower I sunk, the more scared I'd get of how low I can go.  Then I'd put my foot down and get up and do something.  I cleaned out part of my medicine cabinet which was so long overdue.  There were pieces of fallen ceiling in there from quite a while back, lots of expired stuff, prescription painkillers I hadn't remembered I had, besides that the wall inside the cabinet needs the many layers of peeling paint scraped.  I put together part of a playlist for an event we are planning at one of my jobs.  That got me up and dancing.  I tried to get rid of some of a ridiculously long back-up of email.  I managed to trim it a bit.  In there, I found a video from a doctor that demonstrated the stretch to help eliminate back pain.  I did the exercise twice.  He said it should be repeated 9 times.  I took out four bags of garbage.  I practiced not smoking cigarettes.  I got through more hours than I thought I would.  I responded to a casting notice for background work which I almost never apply for anymore unless I am desperate for money and it fits my schedule.  Well this one offered a waiver (if you get 3, I believe you can join the union which is one, but not the only, way to become a union member).  That was why I applied to play a 'parent type' in a zombie film.  The first response I received said he was all out of waivers for that day but offered me a small amount of deferred pay if I'd do it and the promise of first dibs at another day of work for a waiver.  No.  Deferred pay is not cash in my hand or a check in a week.  Background work for two days for the same waiver I would get in one day.  None of it sounded worth it to me.  I've done a lot more than fits on a one-page acting resume at this point and do not need it for experience.  Some hours later, he got a cancellation and told me that if I was still available for the next day, he had a waiver for me.  Bingo.


    It would take place on a pier in Greenpoint, Brooklyn the next afternoon.  I was told to dress warmly with many layers.  The forecast said the high would be 30 degrees.  My arm hairs stood at the thought of being on a pier, but I would wear many things.  At least I wasn't told we would be playing it like it is August or anything like that.  I wouldn't even put myself through that, waiver or no waiver.  I'm not 20.  I don't recover as fast. 

    To give myself stress, I was running late for the call time.  The good part was that even though I had to take 3 trains, 2 of the rides were very short.  When I got out in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, I was grateful that it was not windy.  We were in holding (that sounds like a holding cell, but it isn't) for a couple of hours, so I was not perceived as late at all.  The people, director, crew were all pleasant and respectful.  We were supposed to be horrified at the sight of Manhattan bursting into flames as we watched from the pier in Brooklyn.  That was the role.  We did several takes, took direction well, and got the fuck out of the cold.  Back at holding (a nice warm studio), we filled out our paperwork for a waiver. 

    It was early evening, and I didn't feel like going directly home.  I went to the Olive Tree in the Village for a drink and some food.  Then I surprised Su Polo at her Saturn Series poetry reading on East 15th Street.  I enjoyed the open mic readers and the two featured poets.  I read a poem that I read there about a year ago, but I've since edited it.  I like it more now.  It is clearer and tidier.  It's about a young woman who lived across the street from me and I didn't know but learned about her life after she was killed by a car.  Though it is very tragic, it feels therapeutic to read it aloud.
     
    So on the third day of the three-day weekend, I was in motion. 

    If not for my Luigi  who needs his walks, I might not see outside for days. 
    ................................................................................................................................................

    The winner of the two tickets to see "My Mother Has 4 Noses" will be announced tomorrow on the She So Funny Facebook page.  I am torn between two contenders.



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  4. Snowplow Dreams By Rhonda Hansome

    Thursday, February 13, 2014

    Wow, time flies when you're holding on by your fingertips.





    There's slow going in the streets.

    It's slow navigating the blizzard of documentation that dominates my (to date - 6 month) attempt to acquire an apartment.
     
    There's lots of snow outside and lots of snow & in my mind.


    Where is the snow plow for clearing your emotional landscape?

    Rhonda Hansome posts this blog on Thursdays. She accepts responsibility for the contents of this blog and all her really stupid life choices that make her cry daily. No sympathy needed, just a 1 bedroom apartment for under $1000 a month with no request for financial documentation. Yeah, right. In her snowplow dreams!



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  5. Winning

    Tuesday, February 11, 2014

     
    In terms of money and things, I barely get by. In other ways, I sometimes consider myself rich. Lately, the universe seems to be saying you are being noticed. I like the feeling. I have been trying very consciously not to step in my own way of goodness. 
      In January, I took a class at a discounted price because I was a runner-up in a raffle run by acting teacher Jagger Kaye. After that, I won two tickets to a play that I look forward to seeing with a friend. She and I are planning to see it on a Sunday in March. 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Then just this past Saturday night, I was at a 10-year anniversary celebration of the Starving Artist Café on City Island in the Bronx. 
      
    There was live music by Elliot Glick and others, champagne, a packed house, and they gave out free raffle tickets. Mine won a free dinner for two to be used any evening except Valentine's and New Year's. I like being there very much, so a free dinner for two removes an obstacle from going on some low-fund night. 
     

    I want to keep on attracting goodness in 2014.  I do believe we have the power to keep the positive energy flowing. 

    I have now been given the opportunity to offer my readers a chance at winning a pair of tickets to a play where the tickets normally cost 70 bucks each.  It is a one-woman show by singer-songwriter Jonatha Brooke.  When discussing the show, Jonatha says "My Mother Has 4 Noses is my story, but it's everyone's story. I don't know anyone who isn't living some part of it themselves. It's a love story too, with all the attendant comedy and tragedy. And Mom would have insisted that I tell it.”

    So how can you win this pair of tickets, you might be wondering.  It's simple.  You just have to post something on some social media (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) that invites and encourages a new reader to visit my blog regularly on Tuesdays at www.SheSoFunny.org.  You might want to say how it is what you look forward to on Tuesdays or something that is true for you.  Keep it real since the best writing comes from that place.  I don't want it to read like an ad as much as I want it to read as the truth.  Once you do that, copy and paste it (showing where you posted it) as a comment below this blog entry, or, since some folks have trouble leaving comments here, send it to me at mindyinthebronx@gmail.com.  I will post the winning entry.  If there is a situation where I can't pick one because several are fantastic, I will call in a guest judge who does not want to see a play (yeah, I do know such people who have trouble sitting still).

     
    WIN TWO TICKETS TO MY MOTHER HAS 4 NOSES!
    The Duke on 42nd Street- 229 West 42nd
    4Noses.org
    Dukeon42.org
    How many people do you know who can say they have 4 noses? Jonatha's mom did have 4 noses, at least as
    many names, and an indomitable sense of humor. She was a published poet, a clown, a Christian Scientist, and
    she had Alzheimer's. In their final two years together, Jonatha and her mother would mine the daily goings-
    on for theatre. "Boolie (Jonatha's nickname), are you getting this down? We should make a play out of it!" My
    Mother Has 4 Noses is the result. In this powerful musical, acclaimed singer-songwriter Jonatha Brooke tells a
    very unusual mother-daughter love story. When discussing the show, Jonatha’s says "My Mother Has 4 Noses
    is my story, but it's everyone's story. I don't know anyone who isn't living some part of it themselves. It's a love
    story too, with all the attendant comedy and tragedy. And Mom would have insisted that I tell it.”
    CONTEST RESTRICTIONS: Winner will receive a ticket voucher redeemable for two tickets to
     a performance of his/her choice. Blackout dates and other restrictions may apply.
    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
    MY MOTHER HAS 4 NOSES- SPECIAL OFFER
    If you don’t win tickets, you can still see the show at a great deal!
    $49 tickets, Performances Feb 14th
    SPECIAL OFFER:
     thru Feb 19th – Use code MMH4NRRM30
    $56 tickets, Post-Opening through March 30 – Use code MMH4NRRM20
    TO REDEEM:
     
    PHONE: Call 646-223-3010 and mention codes from above
    IN PERSON: The Duke on 42nd Street Box Office at 229 West 42nd
    Tues-Friday, 4pm-7pm; Saturday, 12pm-6pm; Extended hours on performances days
    RESTRICTIONS: (Regularly $70) Subject to availability. Not valid on prior purchase. Offer cannot be combined with other discounts or promotions.
    Additional blackout dates and restrictions may apply. No refunds or exchanges. Offer may be revoked at any time. Standard service fees apply to all phone and internet orders.
     
     
    Let's keep the winning going on.  You get me more readers; I get you a pair of tickets to a play you might not otherwise have the opportunity to attend.  Everyone wins. 
     
     

     
     
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  6. Throw Back Thursday by Rhonda Hansome

    Thursday, February 6, 2014

    I am cautiously announcing that this week I took a tiny, but pivotal, incremental step toward possible forward movement in my Sisyphean odyssey for a new place to live. Sound chary? Chary and weary of the task begun August 1st.

    In fact I am so wary of speed bumps and blind alleys, I've chosen from this point on, to eschew the use of exclamation points (written, verbal, or otherwise) when discussing this subject.
    It helps me not burst into a torrent of tears...

    What else is new? Well, I've started a new series based on my character Betty NoAbode. I love her and hope you will too. Follow and share Betty NoAbode on Tumblr or Instagram.



    BTW, a facebook friend sent me a picture which inspired this week's title. This picture took me back to a time when I lived in a fabulous apartment in Tribeca, had great health insurance and visions of stardom.

    That was then. This is now.
    That's why it's called #TBT
     
    Rhonda Hansome is a director and sometimes writes. She does stand up HERE. See her as Mrs. Ray in The Bottom by Cinti Laird tonight (Thursday 2/6) 7PM at NYU FREE.
    
     
    
     
    




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  7. You Got a Mouth...

    Tuesday, February 4, 2014


     
    Oh it all looks so pretty from home.  Most of you are somewhere warm and dry now, home or at your job.

    This beautiful shot is by Nishanth Gopinathan.





    Now here's some Moms Mabley for ya...

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