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  1. Oy Vey

    Monday, September 21, 2020


    Losing John Lewis and Ruth Bader Ginsburg within a few months and shortly before the election is just horrendous.  When that special report interrupted a game show the other evening, I said “Uh-oh” and I hoped so much a certain devil’s time on Earth was over.  Then they announced that an angel died instead.


    My head dropped.  I know no one lives forever, and she was 87 and had survived cancer more than once, but of all the people to lose …


    The current presidency reminds me of a magnification of a damaging relationship I was in at one time.  Whenever I felt we needed to try to talk about and resolve the last shit that went on, another incident would take place, and another, and another.  Like with Trump, I hardly hear about the thousands of children’s lives he destroyed tearing them from their mothers and fathers and locking them up as if they were criminals.  Then losing many (I believe to trafficking), so there’s no chance for repair.  We watched him let citizens who reside in Puerto Rico suffer and die. He tossed them the cheap brand of paper towel.  He accused their president of being corrupt.  He didn’t even know he was their president. 


    I taught adults for over 30 years who needed to complete their basic education.  I can honestly say that unless Trump paid someone to take his high school equivalency test (like he did with his SATs), I don’t think he could pass the exam for a high school diploma.  He certainly couldn’t write a coherent essay.  Telling me how fantastic and huge and bigly something is doesn’t cut it.


    My grandfather served in the military for this country.  It hurts. 


    I am sickened by so much.  It’s not helping anyone and certainly not me. 


    In many ways, I have fallen into an isolating rut.  Yesterday I decided to try to do something that would help me break out of the rut.  I did something I haven’t done in way too long.  I called back a friend.




    Love to CGG-M ❤❤❤

    Mindy Matijasevic 9/21/2020





  2. Up, Down, Up

    Saturday, September 12, 2020


    If you need your spirits uplifted, this will do it (99% sure).  It's about 2 minutes.

    I watched it 4 times because it made me feel good.  I hope it does so for all of you as well.


    I’ve unfortunately known Trump-ish types in my life.  I think Trump should write a book he could write all on his own – The Art of the Lie.  The forward can be written by a number of candidates I know whose first language is lying.


    Most of you know, besides comedy material, I also write memoir and poetry.  I rarely write in rhyme, but occasionally I like to play with that.  Here’s a recent poem that does use rhyme.




    We can vote

    without getting sick

    No doctor’s note

    to mail our pick


    Risky though …

    could end in a dump

    if we don’t show

    it’s a vote for Trump


    He hates women, blacks

    immigrants and Jews

    More than that

    he hates to lose


    When hurt people lootin’ is worse than militia shootin’

    no one’s happier than Trump and Putin



    Mindy Matijasevic





    Daily love, thoughts, and concern for CGG-M ❤❤❤




    To My Brother and Sister Bronxites and to My Cousin Brooklynites


    While people are getting murdered by “peace” officers and white supremacists, our Bronx people are killing each other as are our Brooklyn people.  WTF??!!


    NYPD: Police respond to 3 different shootings in Brooklyn within 10 minutes of each other
    Woman says man spit on her, told her to go back to China
    Local leaders call for NYC to do more after weekend shooting of teen
    Police: 2 men attack 90-year-old woman, light her shirt on fire in Bensonhurst
    Police: Video shows suspect wanted in connection to slaying of Bronx transgender woman

     Police: 3 teens sought in assault, attempted robbery in the Bronx


    It takes a lot to change our reactions to situations, I know.  But, damn, there ARE other ways to respond to conflict besides hurting and shooting people.  Don't work for the enemy.  Trump is already doing that.  He works for Putin and allows our service men and women to be killed.


    Some years ago in my neighborhood, a delivery guy was attacked and had his ear cut off.  I remember talking with a neighborhood man about it.  We didn’t know each other.  He started speaking in Spanish.  I told him I don’t speak Spanish.  He immediately switched to English.  He didn’t give me a hard time like some folks do.  “Why don’t you speak Spanish?”  “I’m not Hispanic.”  “So? You look Spanish.”  “I don’t speak French or Chinese either.”  “You look Spanish. You should speak Spanish.”   He just switched to a language we both understood.  He accepted me the way I accepted him.  It felt very comfortable. 


    We talked about the horror that took place.  I couldn’t stand that someone was willing to cut an ear off of a person who wasn’t endangering them.  This man said to me, “When you don’t care about your own life, you don’t care about anyone else’s either.”


    That’s it in a nutshell.  He knew what he was talking about.  In one sentence, he expressed so much.  Police cadets and high school students need to hear and understand that.  As bad as I felt about what happened, I felt so good about our conversation.

    (I urge middle school and high school teachers to consider this independent film, PRESSURE, to show to your students. It takes place during the hip-hop/crack epidemic in Brooklyn, NY )  

    This summer (2020), I sometimes wondered if the Bronx and Brooklyn were in a killing competition.  I can’t stand all that’s been going on.  That energy could be put into helping and not harming.  We have enough people in this country wanting to end us.  Don’t be part of the problem.  Do something that would make your mother proud, dammit!


    Well, it looks like Mother Nature stepped in.  Hurricane Isaias did most of its NYC damage in the Bronx and Brooklyn.  Yes, it was time for her to kick some ass and try to whip us into shape. 


    Isaias tears through the Bronx and Brooklyn, downing trees and causing power outages
    Falling branches strike woman in head in Brooklyn
    City Island restaurants shut down as borough feels impact of Isaias
    Tracking Isaias: Trees down in the Bronx
    Strong winds, choppy waves hit Clason Point; ferries suspended at Soundview location


    And now, another issue that’s been on my mind for quite a while.  To my white/light beige sisters and brothers who don’t understand certain things, please be open to realizing that there is more to know. 





    Major love to and concern for CGG-M 💕❤💕



  4. Not to Ruin a Beautiful Day

    Tuesday, August 25, 2020


    I had a different and much needed day yesterday (Monday).  My buddy/best friend/unofficially adopted brother decided to get me out of my apartment and get me moving.  We’ve begun to ride in his car together recently after lots of isolating.  He removed any financial obstacles – treated me to brunch and dinner and brought other treats.  We went up to a park in Tarrytown where there was a stream.  We enjoyed being outdoors, in nature, and with our feet in the stream.  The sound of the water running over the rocks was so peaceful.


    We talked, which is one of our favorite sports.  We’ve been friends for over 40 years.  It is such a pleasure to be together and talk as freely as we do.  We understand each other deeply.  It is wonderful. 


    A friend shared this with me, and I know you will LOVE this.  It is just a couple of minutes, and it will have you smiling for sure.  𑠇☺


    I tried to watch the Republican National Convention, but the dishonesty was ruining my mood after such a nice day.  I switched to game shows and later to Mannix.  He was one of my many crushes when I was a teen.


    I’ll watch MSNBC and see the clips they air of the RNC, but it is hard to watch RNC lying filth. 





    So much love to CGG-M  ❤💛


    Hesitation, Hope, & Holes


    I’ve been enjoying the Democratic National Convention.  So full of humans, the kind that come with intelligence, compassion, a conscience, love for their families, etc.  The kind that doesn’t lick the likes of Putin.  Though I’m afraid to get too excited, I am feeling hopeful.  But I painfully remember last presidential election.  I thought there was no way the orange one could get in.  I then learned I was living in a NYC bubble.  Now I am conscious of the fact that many people who share the country I do actually believe the orange one is their hero, even as their family members die and babies are caged.


    This Bronx artist, Shellyne Rodriguez, has done a series of work honoring the front line workers.  I think her work is riveting.


    The writer/director/producer of PRESSURE, Abdu Dandridge, was interviewed on a radio station in South Carolina.  I am sharing it here to share with you what a lovely disposition this talented man has.  I hope I get to work with him again.  His vibes make me feel good.  I do best when working with humans like him.  I played a substitute teacher in PRESSURE.


    I put earrings in my pierced ears today for the first time in months.  I was afraid that if I didn’t, the holes might close up.


    Stop laughing.




    Huge love to and concern for CGG-M  ❤💛💚❤


  6. Bubbling

    Friday, August 14, 2020


    I am bubbling with appreciation.  After my last blog entry, a former colleague (who works in a partner program from where I worked) told me he enjoyed the blogs and wanted to send me some money as a “subscription fee.”  He seemed to be concerned about my feelings about being offered money.  I felt bad that he was concerned I might be insulted.  I’m not.  He has always been kind to me, and there’s no reason for me to have mixed feelings about his generosity.  I know the difference.  I’ve received monetary gifts from those who want my silence and from those who just want to feel good about themselves.  There’s a huge difference when someone just wants to help me out.  It’s pure.


    Joe Biden selected Kamala Harris as VP.  She wasn’t my first choice, but I think  they are a good balance.  A friend once described her as an ass-kicker.  She is.  They won’t be calling her “Sleepy Kamala.”  And she must scare the SHIT out of the orange one.  Biden and Harris have my support.  People, please put aside your specific preferences and vote for Biden.  Puh-leese.  Neither Biden nor Harris would have ruined thousands of children’s lives by separating them from their parents and losing them to be trafficked to a Jeffrey Epstein-type island. 


    I’m sorry if many of you feel like you have to choose the lesser evil, but please do.  PLEASE.  I don’t think I can bear any more torment by a malignant narcissist.  I’ve painfully learned how dangerous they can be even when not in charge of a country.  It’s no joke.  They have no bottom in terms of how low they are willing to go.  They are willing to F up their own children.  I’ve seen it up close and personal.  My heart is torn over personal narcissistic damage, not just to me but to my dearest loved ones.


    Narcissists proudly leave a path of destruction.  I’ve learned that the terribly hard way.

    Regarding the pandemic, I’m not in the position of having a school-aged child at this time.  I consider myself lucky not to have to handle parenthood in a pandemic.  I’m sure it would be a very challenging time for all.  But I doubt I would risk his life by sending him to school next month.  My son was always more important to me than money.  I wish Trump felt the same.


    I’m gratefully attending a poetry workshop on line.  It’s one I’d been attending in person for some years on and off when I was able to.  They took it to Zoom during this pandemic.  My computer has no webcam or mic, but the workshop leader, David Elsasser (Happy birthday, David), makes it work for me anyway.  I am truly grateful.  I send him my poem and he screen-shares it.  After all the feedback, we speak on the phone and he puts me on speaker.  He makes it all work out.  It is truly one of the highlights of my week. 


    I’d been working on a poem addressing the women who act like I’m after their husbands.  It was nuts at one of my previous jobs regarding that.  And even up the block where a woman whose man is a drug dealer seemed to think that.  I was like are you fucking kidding me?  I wanted none of them.  So it was long due for a poem.


    I was concerned if the poetry workshop folks would get what I’m saying, but they didn’t let me down. ❤💗❤


    I look forward to returning to comedy again.  I hope I’m still funny.

    I just learned a film I acted in several years back is now released and going world-wide!!!  I hope I get discovered by someone in a position to change my financial situation.  I played a substitute teacher.  The director was a lovely man to work with -- Abdu Dandridge.  The film, PRESSURE, is available for rent or purchase.


    Big love to CGG-M every day.  💕💕💕💕







  7. Just Being Grateful

    Sunday, August 9, 2020


    I went to the store earlier.  On my way back home, there had been a collision on the Grand Concourse.  Both were SUVs, and one had Virginia plates.  It was where I’d have been crossing the street.  These are the moments I feel God/dess is cloaking me.  👼


    I had looked for my feline friend, Mustache, who lives in the discount store, twice today.  Didn’t see her.  When she does see me, she seems to be exclaiming, “Where you been?”  I tell her I’ve been by looking for her, but she doesn’t understand all that.  😻


    Later, I went to a store that only allows one customer at a time.  The man in front of me tied his dog to a pole outside.  The dog seemed so cool with everything.  When the human went inside, I said hello to the dog.  S/he wagged and came right over.  I petted her/him.  S/he was so loving.  When the dog’s human returned, I said, “I hope you don’t mind.”  He said, “It’s fine.” 


    Getting some dog love on 198th Street was so wonderful.  Dogs might just be the best people on Earth. 


    In decluttering news:  Just threw out a written phone message (remember when people wrote down who called, when, and what about?) from 2002.  I think at some point I felt my life stopped when I felt very stuck in a situation I needed out of.  Now decluttering is truly an adventure back in time, and it is both emotionally disturbing and satisfying. 


    In a bit of poetry news, Highland Park Poetry selected a poem of mine.  


    In comedy news: 




    Much love to CGG-M   💕

    Healthy birthday to Brenda W.   🎂



  8. How I'm Doin'

    Monday, July 27, 2020

    I enjoy the sensation of running my fingers through my just washed and dried hair.  So soft and smooth and clean.

    I’ve been pushing through molasses.  My big accomplishments today were taking out garbage, buying food, washing my hair, buying dental floss, walking up the stairs instead of taking the elevator, and returning one phone call.  If you saw/knew my situation, you’d agree that much more needs to happen.

    There are folks who don’t think they are doing much, but they ARE, in my opinion.

    My friend Leighann Lord, who normally does stuff like this:  

    is now doing things like this:  

    People are zooming shows and open mics, and I’m just trying to de-clutter, clean, eat, not lose another tooth, return phone calls and emails (I’ve been awful about that), write a poem once a week, come up with comedy material every now and then, live in spite of too much heartache and way too little money.

    I was asked if I wanted to participate in a socially distant dating show.  said, “Nah. I don’t want to date. It’s more dangerous than COVID-19.”

    One day, I fell in and out of sleep all day and had intense dreams -- the kind I was relieved to wake up from and realize they were dreams. 

    Last night, I had pasta at 3:50AM.  That’s how I’m doing.

    Love to CGG-M always. 💕  

  9. I am proud to say I de-cluttered for over an hour yesterday.  Without getting caught up in reading them, I tore up letters from a relationship from 1979.  Amongst the letters were a few interesting items.  One was a photo of me at a Halloween party on Heath Avenue in the Bronx where I was dressed as a mermaid.  I had made the costume.  I was probably a size 5 at that time.  Back then, I wanted to get to a size 9.  Now I’d like to be anywhere in that zone.

    Yesterday, I was waiting to enter a store that lets in one customer at a time.  I appreciate that they do that.  A man, unmasked, was near me outside the store and not keeping distance.  He was speaking on the phone and, I’m sure, generating droplets.  He stood right near me.  I don’t assume it is not caring.  I got the feeling he was clueless and simply unaware of himself.  I had a jacket on due to the drizzling.  I lifted up my jacket and hid my face from his breath.  I used my jacket as a curtain.  He was so engrossed in his conversation, I don’t think he noticed.  I didn’t say anything to him.  But all this shit worries me.  There are only a few stores in my immediate neighborhood that take such precautions.  They both catch hell from idiots.  My pharmacist told me those people’s brains are turned upside down. 

    “Like the country and the president,” I said.  She nodded but was careful not to say anything.  The places that actually care to keep us safe catch all the hell.

    I hope I didn’t make myself sick when I decluttered.  My throat feels a bit sore.  I gargled with Listerine when I first felt it.

    I saw my feline friend, Mustache, twice today at the discount store.  We had two love sessions.  It feels like therapy for both of us.  Goddess knows, I need it.  And judging from Mustache’s reaction to me, she needs it too.

    Sprinkled into my lethargy have been some bright moments.  The publisher of Home Planet News accepted all four short poems I sent him for their November publication.  The director of City Lore requested one of my poems about living through the pandemic to be included in their archives. 

    I do look forward to being able to earn money.  I had some ease from a tax refund, but that has ended.  I’m f’d again.  I could really use another relief check from the government.  I’m sure most people need it.  I can’t wait to have the orange one voted out.  He’s even killing off some of his own base with his insanity.  That’s what happens when image is more important than reality.

    I was part of a poetry event on July 9th that was done through zoom.  don’t have a webcam or mic in my desktop computer.  So I didn’t think I could be part of it.  The woman organizing the event, Lucy Aponte (Director of the Poe Park Visitors’ Center), knows me and wanted me in it.  She was so accommodating.  Lucy told me I could call in.  So while I can see and hear everyone else, they couldn’t see me.  They heard me on the phone.  The event was great.  The line-up, so talented.  Lucy has good taste.  Aside from poetry, there was a piano performance of two Beatles’ songs and a Tango for two men dance performance.  After the presentations, there was time for getting to know each other.  One of the very talented writers, Maria Aponte, spoke on all the accents she heard and how the “woman on the phone” sounded like New York.  I was the “woman on the phone.”  I was so thrilled.  There are too many people out there (who consider themselves progressive) who think I should lose my Bronx accent.  At a past teaching job, the administrative staff wouldn’t say it directly, but they considered it acceptable to mimic and mock my Bronx accent.  We worked in the Bronx, and they didn’t even have any awareness of how much they disrespected Bronx people/students.  Fuck that.  I am able to sound less Bronx and would do it for an acting role, but as a real person, I like sounding like where I come from.  A poet I know, Rosette Capotorto, a Bronx Italian who moved to New Jersey, said she vowed to never lose her Bronx accent.  I loved her more after I read that.

    Love to CGG-M ❤❤❤