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  1. Doing Something

    Sunday, June 21, 2020

    It’s been a while, I know.  In so many ways I feel like I’m pushing through molasses.  There are so many things I’ve neglected.  In those ways, I depress myself.


    Day after day, it’s one horror after another.  Yet I still watch the news.  still read the news. 


    Some days ago, my buddy and I decided to try having breakfast together at an outdoor diner in Yonkers.  I actually sat in his car which I hadn’t in months.  The place in Yonkers did everything right.  The paper menus were one-use only and then tossed.  The tables were disinfected and more than 6 feet apart in their parking lot which they turned into a tent by having a tarp providing shade.  The wait staff was masked, gloved, and seemed glad to be working. 


    At some point, I walked to the curb to have a cigarette.  I was staring at the traffic.  Across the street, a white man sat in his double-parked car.  It seemed he was waiting for someone.  A black man entered his own parked vehicle, but was having difficulty getting his car out of the spot.  He got out, walked over to the double-parked car and said something.  The white man nodded, started his car and pulled up, giving the other man more room.  The black man was able to get his car out, and he drove off.  Nothing about this would have gotten my attention normally since this was an ordinary event, but it struck me because of the man who fell asleep in his car at a Wendy’s drive-thru.  Nobody, to my knowledge, knocked on his window to say, “You have to move your car” or “You’re holding up the line.”  Instead the police were called, and I don’t have to tell you what that led to.  Another death of an unarmed black man by the police. 


    What has chilled me most has been the hangings.  It really got to me when a noose was hanging from a tree in Van Cortland Park in my Bronx.  When I read the article, it got worse.  Bronx people reported it to the 50th precinct.  The police response was infuriating. 



    I was awake much of the night.  The image was haunting me.  I felt helpless until I didn’t.  I realized I could do something right from my living room.  I sent the link to my local, well-respected newspaper.  I asked them to please follow up on the police indifference.  This morning, I received an email from them thanking me and informing me they are investigating. 


    It felt better to know that even if I can’t risk being in crowds marching, I can still do something. 



    Much love and concern for CGG-M. 

  2. We Get What We Get

    Tuesday, May 26, 2020

    Hey everyone.  It seems my sense of smell has returned.  I do the armpit test.  Yep.  It’s working.  I will get an antibody test one of these days.  I am just so grateful I’m more okay than not.  So far, I’ve been very lucky.

    Governor Cuomo warms my heart.  I don’t think he’s easy or mellow or 
    perfect, but I love that he’s real, loves his mom and family, and knows that loving is part of “NY Tough.”  I love that he reminds us that our masking and distancing and staying inside brought the death numbers down.  He gives credit where it’s due.  I also love that he once said about the orange one, “How many times do I have to thank him for doing his job?”

    Cuomo has guts.  Plus he’s going to talk with the orange one tomorrow (Wednesday) in D.C.  I think the orange one must feel somewhat jealous of the self-assuredness and leadership qualities of Cuomo.  Talking facts, admitting when he doesn’t know something, considering mistakes a chance to learn something, loving his children and mother, ya know, all that scary shit.

    When I go outside and see the vast majority in masks, I feel Cuomo’s 
    attitude has something to do with that.  Today he said that masks are “cool” and that we can coordinate them with our outfits and be creative.  He must’ve been a good dad.  I love his pride when he speaks of his daughters.  If I’d had a father like him, my life would have gone so differently.  Oh well.  We get what we get.  I never got to meet my father.  My grandmother told me he held me and said, “The baby looks like me.”  He ate an apple and called her “Mom.”  My aunt Gilda (the 4th born; my mother was the 5th born) once told me, “Your mother liked class.  Your father was a classy man.”  There’s a lot more to that story.  Not now.

    I don’t have a webcam or mic in my computer.  That was fine with me until 
    now when it is a real limitation.  I can only witness a zoom happening.  I can write in the chat, but I can’t be heard or seen.  So, on-line auditions are no auditions for me.

    I’ve been watching Debbie Bazza’s Mon.-Fri. 4pm Facebook Live show 
    pretty regularly.  I realized that one of the things I enjoy is seeing her whole face, smiles included.  Aside from that, I like Debbie, and I think she’s pretty hilarious.  She’s a Bronx girl as I am.  She’s also someone with a good heart as I am.  We don’t see eye-to-eye on everything, but when it is safe to hug again, I want to hug her.  If you don’t know Debbie Bazza, here’s a clip of her doing her thing on the comedy stage.  Enjoy.

    So much love to and concern for CGG-M.  💕

  3. I’m still not 100% back to normal.  But I remain grateful that if what I have is the virus, I am being spared of what so many have gone through and are going through.  I have a long-lasting cold, cough, and a recurring head ache (I was never much of a head ache person) and still can’t fully smell things.  When it began, I also had pain in my lower abdomen.  That didn’t last long, and I am extremely grateful.  Though I’m cold, I am not shivering like I did in the beginning.  It’s been three weeks so far.  Some of the time, I really feel okay.  I actually look forward to getting a test at some point for the antibodies.

    A doctor who spoke on television said that the lost sense of smell usually 
    returns at the pace that a fingernail grows.  I was glad to hear that, so I know what to expect.  I burned incense and was able to smell it to some degree.

    So one of Trump’s personal valets tested positive for COVID-19, and 
    Trump got very angry that it got that close to him.  This particular valet served Trump his meals.  Now Trump gets tested daily.  Doctors, nurses, EMTs, delivery people, MTA workers are still waiting for a test.  But someone who is a last responder gets a daily test.  He should go work in the meat plant to save the economy.  He can bring his bleach for lunch. 


    We need a human being in the prez seat, not a humanoid. 

    When he said that his heart goes out to the family of the jogger who was 
    shot and killed in Georgia, I blurted, “What heart?”

    Yet another benefit of being penis-free:

    Gotta love this woman:

    Much 💕 to CGG-M.

  4. People, let's survive this.  I can't bear what's going on and how many lives 
    are being taken.  I can't bear the inhumanity of the orange one and his lemmings.

    A week and a half ago, my friend Judy was coming to the Bronx and told
    me she also wanted to stop by the front of my building to give me a care 
    package.  I was sure I needed everything she put in there.  It was the 
    first time in years that we didn’t hug.  L  She handed me two heavy shopping bags and a mask her sister made.  The mask is cloth and flowery.  It is my dressed-up mask.  In the bags:  juice, towel paper, wine, toilet paper, tuna fish, candy, pastas, tissues, witch hazel wipes, vitamins, Clorox, apples, bananas, soaps, oatmeal, etc.  I couldn’t believe it.  I texted her:  You spent a fortune!  Later, she told me she filled the bags from extra items she had in the house.  Wow.  It is such a boost to feel cared about.  Judy has an exceptionally big heart generally.  She was once on the path to be a nun.  I'm so glad she changed route.  She's much more fun as a civilian.  It was something about those who feel lust and those who murder going to the same fate that didn't sit well with her.  Thank God/dess.

    For the past seven days, I have not been feeling well.  I go from freaking 
    out about it to thinking I’m just sick (which is possible without having the virus).  The symptoms have changed every two days.  I looked up the symptoms to see if they are symptoms of the virus.  Some are and some aren’t.  And even the ones that are can also be symptoms of other things.  My breathing is (my) normal.  That’s the main thing, I believe.  But for the past two days, I don’t smell anything – including strong coffee, good weed, my armpits.  I know better than to believe my armpits smelled the same before and after a shower.  Loss of taste and smell are symptoms of the virus.  But then again, when we have a cold, the sense of smell is affected.  Driving myself nuts is not unique to the virus.  I can do that on most any day.

    I do feel hunger, and I eat.  Grandma would consider that a “very good 
    sign.”  In this case, I agree. 

    I miss doing comedy shows.  I know all my brother and sister comics do 
    too.  If I am a survivor of this pandemic, and if I get on a comedy stage again, will I still be funny?  I miss paid acting gigs (even if it’s sometimes background work).  I need the money.  But I wouldn't go to a crowd scene now even if it were permitted.

    My buddy Bob (my unofficially adopted brother) did me a big favor yesterday.  It was the last day of April, and I had to get April’s rent check to the management office.  The buses are free, but I was feeling lousy, so he offered to take it there for me.  I brought the check downstairs to him, came back up, and went back to sleep.  Bob is a gift in my life.  I always felt God/dess and Grandpa had something to do with such a gift.  🌈 🌈 🌈 🌈 🌈 🌈 🌈 

    In this time of the pandemic, my tendency to be a bit hermit-like goes 
    unnoticed.  I don’t have to analyze why I’m like this. 

    Those of you who know me know that, in general, I try to mind my business and not look for trouble, but there’s always some drama happening making me have to look over my shoulder. The internet just told me that single Asian girls are looking for me.  Why?  I didn’t do anything to them.  Geez. 


    to CGG-M.

  5. Life in Spite of the Big Orange Cloud

    Sunday, April 19, 2020

    I am so happy to share that I heard on the news there’s an animal shelter somewhere in Florida where there were so many animal adoptions that, for the first time in its history, the shelter cages are all empty!  That made my heart feel so good.  


    I made the mistake of having the orange one on the TV earlier this evening.  Then it hit me – I can change the channel.  Now I’ve been listening to Law & Order for a while.  I say listening because I’m not really watching.  I’m heating food, drinking wine, writing, and occasionally looking up at the TV.  A crime drama is less disturbing than listening to the liar-in-chief.  

    Every day that I feel pretty normal (healthwise), I am so grateful.  I do continue to go outside an average of once a day.  Masked and gloved.  I love getting rid of the garbage.  It’s a meaningful theme in my personal development.  It also means I’m de-cluttering to some degree.  And as my Grandma used to say, “Where there’s garbage, it means people are eating.”  On the same outing, I buy what I need from the nearby stores.  I take pleasure in seeing the dogs in the neighborhood.  Most are so happy and in the moment no matter what the humans are dealing with.  I miss four-legged furry sincere love.  The only thing stopping me from adopting a shelter animal is money for upkeep (food, vet bills, etc.).

    When I go through my lock-down inconveniences, I remind myself that it 
    beats having the virus, needing medical care, etc., etc. 

    Governor Cuomo said we need leadership that acts quickly and smartly.  
    Too bad the orange one only cares about bigly.  You know who cares that much about bigly?  Someone with a smally.

    Stay okay, people.  I pray my son is taking care of himself.

    Love to CGG-M

  6. One evening, after several glasses of wine and feeling it, I went to pee.  pulled my pants down like they were sweatpants.  When I was pulling them back up, I realized I had on jeans, not sweatpants.  I had to laugh at myself.  But what is really amazing was that my pants were able to go down and up without unzipping or unbuttoning them.  It means I’ve kept off the seven pounds it took so long to lose.  I’ve got more to try to lose, but just not gaining those pounds back is an accomplishment.

    The other night, I went to my 24-hour Arab bodega.  The man behind the 
    counter is my favorite of all the people who work there.  He asked, “Where’s your mask?”  I said I didn’t have one, and I held my scarf across my face.  He reached down under the counter and offered me a mask.  It was a gift, not a sale.  I put it on but not as well as it needs to be on, so he reached over with his gloved hands and arranged it for me.  He’s young and married; this is not flirting.  He’s a warm, loving, sensitive, decent person, and it felt so good.  In terms of kindness, I was melting. 

    My friend Judy texted me that the Department of Education has 
    extended their free meals to adults (whether they have children in school or not).  Monday through Friday 11:30 to 1:30, we can get three free meals to go.  I checked the Dept. of Ed. website, and there are several schools near me doing it.  Guess where I’ll be on Monday.  My friend Jaye emailed me about Chefs for America.  They are also giving free meals.  I have to check their schedule again.  There’s one of their locations in my area.  I have to check that out.

    I miss everyone.  My best friend and I speak on the phone, but I’m not 
    much of a phone person.  The last time we saw each other in person was for less than five minutes in front of my building.  Before that, we met on Mosholu Parkway and sat at opposite ends of a bench to talk. 

    When I went to meet him and entered the park area, several men on two 
    benches greeted me by offering me to share their blunt.  I had no interest in sharing germs, so they may have assumed I disapproved of smoking weed.  One said, “It’s natural.”  I loved the smell and turned to him and said, “It’s beautiful.”  He thanked me for saying that.  LOL  I overheard one saying that some woman had told them they were ruining the quality of life.  They were not near any children or playground.  They were not harassing people or littering.  They were four grown men sharing a blunt.  I don’t think smoking in a park is ruining the quality of life.  I think letting people die from COVID-19 and getting angry at governors for asking for help is ruining the quality of life and the chance of living.

    Please consider virtually attending this event of a variety of talent where I am included:

    The producers of A Sketch of New York are trying to help us performers out during this time.  It’s Wednesday, April 8th, 6-7pm livestream.  Thank you.

    Much love to CGG-M

  7. Tell Me How You're Doin'

    Monday, March 30, 2020

    Hi people.  I’m so far, so good.  I hope you are too.  Hope you'll let me know.

    In the last couple of weeks, three people in my life decided to send me 
    gifts.  I think my jaw is still hanging.  A friend who lives in the next building from me gave me an apple, a package of raspberries, herbal tea, and twenty dollars.  Most importantly, she shared precious memories of when she used to babysit my son sometimes.  I had a smile the whole time she spoke.

    A poetry pal sent me fifty dollars and asked not to be identified because 
    he didn’t want to ruin his “bad” reputation.  Lol

    My longtime friend Judy sent me a card with a hundred dollars scotch-
    taped inside the card.  Oh my God.

    All of that really helped.  I was able to pay people to whom I owed money.  
    I was also able to buy necessities.

    I need to get used to being treated well.  At this time, it makes me cry – 
    not with sadness, rather just because I’m so moved.

    A former student messaged me on Facebook.  She asked how I’m doing.  
    That was so caring.  Well so far I’m okay.  I am grateful.  She and her immediate family are okay too, but she has relatives stricken with the virus.  This is so sad.  I have to remember that most people survive.

    Aside from all that, when I didn’t know when I’d get my daily inhaler 
    because it was on back-order, two people offered to give me their refills.  I am very moved by the kindness.  Neither of them used the inhaler I do, 
    but their offers felt amazing.  People can be so great while others can suck so badly.

    I do usually go out once a day.  I use the opportunity to take out garbage, 
    go to the store, and try to see my feline friend Mustache who lives in a store but is sometimes outside looking for trouble.  She can be rough stuff, but she and I have a loving relationship.  I think the need is mutual.  In the store, she isn’t treated like a furry child.  So I must feel so different to her.  As a child, I was given many challenges as well, so her pure love feels wonderful.  She is mostly black and some white.  Her snout is white with what looks like a black mustache above her top lip.  Hence, her name.  She’s my girl.

    I actually came up with a few bits of comedy during this homebound time.  
    And the bits were inspired by the horror we are living in.  But it’s not about the illness or the victims of it.  It stems from things I hear on TV, the lesser known symptoms, the lifestyle changes, etc.

    As a comic, I believe I’m supposed to stay current.  Most of my stuff is 
    kind of timeless.  But I try to write funny shit about current events.  I admire those who do it well.  I find it challenging.  But I generally enjoy challenges.

    Feel welcome to let me know you are okay or not okay.  I'd like to know.  

    Thanks for reading.

    love to CGG-M  💕

  8. Getting Thru...

    Tuesday, March 24, 2020

    One of the good things that happened on the night of my cancelled comedy show was being featured in Bold Magazine (an on-line publication).  The timing felt special.

    Yeah, they accidentally added an extra letter to my last name, but it has 
    since been fixed in the magazine.

    With all this having to stay home now, I should be using the opportunity to do a LOT of work in my apartment.  I’ve done some.  I need to do so much more.  When I do go through a pile, it feels good.  But in some ways, I’m in a rut, so just getting started is the hardest part.

    I can’t even hug my best friend.  However, it would be much worse if we 
    had the virus.  So I’m trying to remain grateful.  I’m trying to think positively.  It’s fuckin’ hard.  I pray my son is taking this seriously and doing all the precautionary stuff.

    Luckily, I have an internet connection from home, and though I’m behind 
    on my bill, I haven’t been shut down.  I’m part of an on-line poetry group, Brevitas, that normally shares short poems at the beginning and middle of the month.  They made an exception and added another cycle to send a poem having to do with the coronavirus crisis.  I must’ve felt the need because I was the first person to send something.  You can see it here.

    It’s gotten to the point where I look forward to taking out the garbage.  
    That’s essential, so I’m allowed.  We (the tenants in my building) have to go outside to get rid of it, so I get to go out! 

    love to CGG-M