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  1. Sh*t Old Folks Say

    Monday, April 29, 2013

    by Samantha DeRose

    Well, well, well.  If it isn't Monday already.  And what a start.

    Last week, my sister and I decided that it would be a great idea to get up early every morning and walk our dogs.  By early, I mean in the 5:00-6:00 a.m. range.  Now, I'm an early riser, but that does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination that I'm functional.  Neverthenonetheless, we walked all week long (and on Saturday).

    After Monday's walk, I noticed that my left wrist was killing me.  Of course, I WebMD's my symptoms and diagnosed myself with Lyme's disease, Osteoarthritis, and Fibromyalgia.  Despite my dire diagnosis, I forged ahead on Tuesday and realized that the source of my left wrist pain was, indeed, the fact that my dog is an asshole on a leash and was yanking my left hand nearly off of my arm.

    By the end of Tuesday, my knees, ankles, and calves felt as if Tony Soprano and his crew put them through the sausage grinder at Satriale's.

    When the hell did I get so old that WALKING makes me sore?  Probably around the time that I went from a 36C to a 36Long.  It's as if I woke up one morning and my upper arms were replaced with my upper thighs.  Sensodyne toothpaste and prunes are now on the top of my grocery list.   I'm a child in a middle aged person's body.  I used to ski.  I used to run.  I used to work out at the gym.  Those things make a person sore.  NOT WALKING!  What's next?  Uncontrollable flatulence?  Oh.  Wait.

    At least I'm not alone.  I'd be a liar if I said misery doesn't love company.  I read my best friend, Marygrace's facebook status where she was contemplating purchasing an outfit that looked like something Bea Arthur would wear (a.k.a. Maud / Dorothy) for her son's first communion.  While everyone else posted that she "resist" buying Maud-wear, I say, "Embrace it!"  

    I wore heels one day three weeks ago and my knees are still buckling. I give up. Bring on the orthopedic shoes!

    Yesterday, my sister and I decided that it would be an even better idea to get up even earlier so that we could get a longer walk in.  I rose today the unholy hour of  4 something a.m., went outside at 5 something a.m. and it was raining.  There's one rule to walk club.  Nobody walks when it's raining.  Thank GOD!  My bursitis was acting up.

    P.S.  To add insult to injury, I purchased a chain for my reading glasses at CVS today.  

  2. 2 comments:

    1. Anonymous said...

      Not the dreaded chain for the glasses! You hit it on the head! I'm so happy a skinny person said this! Have a great day, taking a motrin as we speak!

    2. lol. I enjoyed this blog. I relate to too much of it. And to the woman in the video, not only do I not need birth control pills, I also have had my legs crossed for 8 years now. Funny that it is happening at the same time. If we really want young girls to cross their legs and not have sex with males, we should give them vibrators for sweet sixteen or fifteen or fourteen or... In learning about youngsters' behavior and managing discipline, etc., it is said that for every NO we say, there should be a YES, so they can have options of what they ARE allowed to do and not just what they are NOT allowed to do.

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