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  1. Double Jeopardy By Rhonda Hansome

    Thursday, April 18, 2013


    When we left off last time:  Twinkie Byrd’s question put a halt to my stroll down memory lane.  She had spent the first four minutes of our five minute session making numerous notations on my newly revamped resume like a proctor grading an error ridden test paper.  Twinkie spoke and silenced the seven voices (I acknowledge) in my head.  Their yammering quieted quickly as they sensed my humiliation in the offing, much like sharks sense blood in the water. 



    The stealth of the casting director’s question was in its simplicity: “Where do you see yourself?”   I’m not quite sure if I spluttered, laughed or farted as I stalled for time with a goofy look on my face. 



    Did the multiplication table just challenge my math anxiety ass to a Calculus Olympiad?  Cheeze ‘n crackers!  Who knew there would be a quiz at this five minute interview?  “Where do I see myself?”  I should know the answer to this question!  Out of the blue in my mind and heretofore unknown, a shy acne scarred pre-teen bespectacled voice, from behind a volume of the collected works of Guy de Maupassant, whispered “Ask Twinkie what she means.”  I coaxed the goofy look off my face and feigned an air of normalcy

    “What do you mean where do I see myself?” 

    Twinkie regarded me with a glance reserved for those recognized with Asperger syndrome

    “In what television shows do you see yourself cast?”

    Okay, I got this now! 

    “I see myself as a comedy sketch player, a second banana to a comedy star…”

    She interrupted me

    “Like Vicki Laurence on the Carol Burnett Show?”        


    I sighed with relief. She got me! My head nodded as a smile approach my lips

    “Yes!”

    Twinkie hid exasperation well…

    “That show hasn’t been on the air in twenty years.” 

    My approaching smile slid downward as the truth of her statement sunk in.  She continued

    “What shows do you watch?”

    Totally misunderstanding the question I answered truthfully with an animated litany, literally 

    “Family Guy, Archer, American Dad, Bob’s Burgers … and the Daily Show.”

    “Do you have cable?”

    “Not any premium channels.”

    With a barely perceptible note of dismissal she said

    “Don’t worry about the cost, get those premium channels now and watch to see what roles you’d be cast in. Make these changes in your resume. And follow @CarleaseBurke on twitter.”

    Don’t worry about the cost?  I don’t even DVR because of the extra cost.  I have to buy premium cable channels to tell you what roles I should be cast in?

    Carlease Burke 




                                                                                            Carla Renata

         

                                                                 

    Yvette Nicole Brown


    and a bunch of other working black actresses, I don’t even know about because I can’t afford Starz, are doing the roles in which I’d be cast AND why the fuck should I follow Carlease??? – I silently fulminated.
      
    "Thank you."

    I said aloud as I clutched my freshly disfigured resume, choked back a tear, my ego and somehow found the door to exit the tiny studio where I thought my life might change.  

     Uber Casting Director 



    Twinkie Byrd 
    really did change my life because I now have to: 
    • Think about myself in this century because nobody cares or remembers that I killed on Arsenio Hall’s FIRST talk show and toured opening for divas Ross and Baker. 
    • I have to search beneath the surface of my stock answers twenty years old.  
    • I have to wake up from dreams of an uninterrupted flow of film and TV residual checks flooding my mailbox 
    • Look at my industry as the vastly changed landscape it is. 
    • I have to ring in on the Double Jeopardy answer revealed to me in the past five minutes.

     For $8.00 @ minute Alex, what is…

    Starting All Over Again From The Middle?






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  2. 6 comments:

    1. Lisa Harmon said...

      Oh Rhonda how frustrating! This whole business is like that! Well at least we like the same tv shows!

    2. I love the "goofy" look on your face. I really do like that shot. You look like you are about to say something funny. As far as Twinkie goes, well they are going to get discontinued I believe. But you don't hear rumors about Rhondas or Mindys getting discontinued. Soooooooooo, fuck 'em. You got a bunch of blog entries out of the five expensive minutes.

    3. Curtis Moore said...

      I see you as who that lady and the many faces of that so fuuny lady. I know some time ago tt looked like your world stopped you had other things to do. One day you got throw back in the real world and have been swimming up stream to get back to the place where you can be happy again. You will make it you got the hart and soul to make it. You are one funny lady and you tell the world about it one day at a time.

    4. thomassaxon said...

      Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing. I love it! I love to chuckle with you. A breathe of fresh air.

    5. Sharon Renay said...

      I agree with all of the above. Really blows. Please keep on keeping on. Your goofy look is I'm gonna let you have it smart, scrutinizing, and beautiful.

    6. She So Funny said...

      I love those pics!!!! I used to play pretend with my friends and I'd be "Mama" and my friend would be "Eunice" and our guy friend would be "Ed". xoxo ~S

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