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  1. Oh, the joy of road gigs

    Sunday, May 5, 2013

    Last night I did a show in Macungie, PA.  Wowers-wowsy-wow-wow.  There are some road gigs that just kick ass and some just blow herped dicks.  Last night blew dicks.

    Here are some tips on being a good audience member:

    1.  If you are sitting in the front row, please do not have your phone out and trolling facebook while I'm on stage.  I can see you.

    2.  If you are going to heckle, heckle with meaning.  Don't say, "show us your boobs".  That has no meaning in a comedy room.  Now, if I was a stripper or hooker, that would be appropriate.

    3.  You're not "helping me" by saying , "get to your jokes", when I'm taking a second to transition to another joke.  I'm getting there.  I just had to take a breath.

    4.  Try not to yell out to your friend who just walked into the show, after the show has been going on for 30 minutes.  I don't care if it is his birthday, or if your nickname for him is "General".  None of that matters to me.

    5.  I'm a girl and I swear.  Get the fuck over it.  When you tell me that I "make you not proud to be a woman", that doesn't discourage me.  That fuels my drive.  I respond better to abuse.

    6.  If you are being a dick during the show, you better own up to it if you are going to talk to me at the bar afterwards.  Don't say, "I was just having fun" because it's not true.  What you should have said is, "I have a very small penis and I compensate by sitting in the dark and yelling "jokes" at a professional comic".  Own up to your stupid bullshit, I do.

    7.  Don't go up to a comedian after a set and give them notes.  We don't care.  Don't say shit to me like, "you should keep your notes on a music stand and maybe put a candle upside down on the stand.  That would be funny".  This person obviously doesn't understand the science of a lit candle.

    8.  Don't carry on a conversation with  your friends while a comedian is on stage.  If you want to gossip, have a tea party at your home.  You can make little sandwiches and hate on other women from the comfort of  your own kitchen.

    9.  If you don't want to be at a comedy show.  Don't go to a comedy show.

    10.  SHUT THE FUCK UP!!  In general, just shut the fuck up.
    I  Googled images of "heckler" and above is what came up for the first 100 images.   Well, that and the old men in the balcony from the Muppets.

  2. 5 comments:

    1. Good to hear you. Your voice comes through the screen. lol I'm realizing that many people doing rude things do not realize how it is felt or that it is rude. People talking during the set feels awful when you are up there, each word mattering for the punchline to make sense. But many folks are so self-involved and don't realize and are truly sorry when made aware. Then of course there are others who just don't give a shit. I often have to remind myself that not everyone is in the second category. I handled it great at my debut and never handled it that well since.

      Anyway, sorry it was herped dick.

    2. She So Funny said...

      ShaZAM, GENERAL! xoxo, S

    3. Anonymous said...

      Hell-gigs. Been there, and unfortunately I will be there again! Pearls before swine, you know how the saying goes...

    4. RHC said...

      Who books this gig???

    5. RHC said...

      Who books this gig???

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