By Lisa Harmon
We made it! Another year in the books! I can' t wait for 2013! 2013 is going to be my year! This is the year I will lose weight, get a television credit and, with any luck at all, get to party with Charlie Sheen! No limits! 2013! Yeah!
I tell you what, most likely, none of that will happen. It hasn't happened before, and I don't want to be the VERY DEFINITION of insanity! (Doing the same thing and expecting a different result - some brainiac said that).
So let me tell you what! I don't even CARE! That's right, you heard me! It takes so long to get what you want in this life, by the time you get it, you don't even want it anymore! For instance, I got a Light Bright last year! A Light Bright! That was on my Christmas list in 1977! OK? I think I've made my point!
It is true! A shit, I give not! I really don't! Everything with me is going as good as can possibly be expected! My Mom is happily situated in Florida (far enough but not too far). My husband is the best husband humanly possible to get. I mean what can I say? He was a happy-go-lucky single guy who for some reason thought that having me and my three rude and insane cats move in with him would make him happier! Oh well, his temporary insanity is my gain! No backs, no penny-tax! Yep, we're in it, till one of us kicks! No way out!
I also have great nieces that I love spending time with whenever I can get down to the Sunshine state. It is incredible what just hanging out with young people can do for my mood. I love them to death. Of course this Christmas the seventeen year old said to me "You guys (meaning my husband and me) are so cute!" Remind me to cut her out of my will...
And my cats. Yes I hate them. Sure I can't stand their stupid faces. Yes, I've had it with their constant demands and kitty litter that's too heavy and how they keep ordering Ratatouille on the pay-per-view. But those feline fuckers got my back. OK? When the ca-ca hits the fan, and no one wants to be your friend, who's right there, shedding on your last clean pair of jeans? The cat. Who's there, when you've cried yourself to sleep and woken up again? The cat is there, that's who, and she's puking on your expensive new shoes. Forget your silly problems, you've got puke to clean up! Chop chop!
Plus I get to do a lot of fun stuff - like riding a motorcycle and stand-up comedy! The bike gets all the stress right out of you. Plus it is exhilarating, especially when a guy in a Lexus does this hilarious thing where they almost hit you...you know, just to test your mettle a little!
And stand-up comedy - what could be better than having a stage to vent from and a mic to make sure everybody can hear me?! Oh my god, my "inner" egomaniac loves that!
Onward to 2013! Let's go in with a good attitude and do some hard work and see if we can't at least get one goal accomplished! I'd personally like to party with Charlie Sheen. This could be my year! Come on! How many young beautiful supermodels can he go with till he wants something real? Real wrinkled, real old and real fat! Oh well. Even if I do get to the party, I probably won't remember any of it! But I bet it be the best party ever! It is OK if I don't remember it. At some point I won't even be able to remember the stuff I used to remember! Ya know? So on your mark, set...go! 2013!
I'd rather party with your kitty than with Charle Sheen. :-)