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  1. A COKE & A...LESSON?

    Saturday, December 1, 2012

    By Lisa Harmon

    Word pad, is this what it has come to?!? For some strange reason (time) I can't install MSWorks 2000 on this 2012 laptop! Can you believe it! A mere thirteen years later and microsoft expects me to pay for software again! Isn't he the richest guy in the world? Brotha can you spare some software for a struggling artist? (Artist, ha ha, so you're an artist, not just a plain old garden-variety wise-ass? Definitely not! I am totally such an artist! I feel things more deeply! Trying to keep a straight face.)

    I just spent two grand on this laptop could ya throw in a spell check? Hello, Mr. Gates???? No such luck! I have to type my blog in Wordpad! Does this qualify as "white people problems"?

    I guess I have to bite the bullet and spend some more money. Why do I hate spending money so much?

    I imagine the main reason is my upbringing. My grandparents were always around when I got home from school. One day I was in the kitchen with my best friend, Christine. I poured us each a glass of coke. My Pop comes in and YELLS (in an extremely George Costanza's father type of way including the high pitch and breathlessness) HEY THAT SODA'S FOR YOU AND YOUR BROTHER. WE DON'T BUY SODA FOR THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD!

    Well, due to the fact that at that time I had a brain and working nervous system, I just wanted to crawl under a rug and die! Right at that moment! To say I was embarrassed is an understatement.

    But here's the thing - I used to eat dinner at Christine's house all the time! And I ate what they ate - I didn't have to drink tap water or share scraps with the cat. And nobody got yelled at!

    That is just one example of the many "money-saving tips" that were yelled at me over the years! It was constant. And even though I do spend my money more than my grandparents ever seemed to spend theirs, there is still a little voice in my head that tries to stop me each and every time I open my wallet!

    Oh COME ON FOR CHRISSAKES! Apparently wordpad doesn't have edit, undo. I need that in my word processor! Keeping up with technology is a pain in the butt!

    I just had the thought that an undo button for real life seems like a good idea. That lasted for a split second, till I realized all of us would have been undone by our parents, except they would have been undone by their parents, and so on, and the human race would have ended right then and there after Adam and Eve and Steve.

    Another reason its hard to spend money is because then you have to WORK and get that money back. I know. What a bummer. I'd rather just do without! Unfortunately there are some things I just can't do without. Like tampons, rolling paper and weed. However, there are many, many other things I can do without. I can do without all those decorative pillows that you're supposed to put on and take off the bed every night! Who came up with that idea? Another plot to separate me from my money. And also to keep me in the dark about what our government is doing! While I'm busy making and un-making the bed, who knows what nefarious plots are hatching right under my large Armenian nose?

    It is a conspiracy, I tell you! So don't drink the Kool Aid. Spending some money is ok.  But make sure you live within your means. Forget trying to impress people. Hold on to your hard-earned shekels. When the ca-ca hits the fan, you'll be so glad you did. Oh and if you come to visit me, please bring your own damn soda!

  2. 4 comments:

    1. She So Funny said...

      I never take the fancy pillows off the bed... and my neck always hurts in the morning. My parents' mantra was, "Shut the refrigerator door!" and "TURN THE LIGHTS OFF!" I am now a fiend about turning lights off in the house and can grab milk, butter, and eggs out of the refrig in under .0001 seconds.

      My suggestion is to try Google Docs or Zoho... free alternatives with spell check but you have to be online to work.


    2. Anonymous said...

      Yes the refrigerator and the lights! They loved to yell about those two as well! Thanks for the alternatives to word/works. The blog program thankfully has a spell check too!

    3. Unknown said...

      Why not try a program called Open Office? It is completely free, and almost the exact same as Office. It is from a open source community. H

    4. Anonymous said...

      Thanks Johny Mac, I dowloaded it and it works great! I hope you see this comment!

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