By Lisa Harmon
Getting
a haircut from a new hairdresser is always such a magical experience. As they look at my hair and cut it,
they always say enthusiastic things like “You have such straight hair!” and “It
is so shiny!” I usually leave with
a haircut that garners compliments for up to two weeks!
A
great first haircut creates some kind of small hope for the future. Hope that I have found THE ONE; the
hairdresser that will always be there, for now and forever, to make me look
terrific, even on short notice!
Sadly,
I’ve been hurt before. So many
fantastic first haircuts, only to be followed by haircuts of decreasing quality,
until finally I wind up with a hack job similar to Mom putting a bowl on baby’s
head and cutting away while in a hysterical panic, or so the results seem to
indicate.
What
causes this decline in coiffure quality?
Why does it appear to be inevitable? Is there a way to keep a relationship with one stylist and
still look my best? Is there
really a THE ONE in my hair’s future?
Tune in next week…just kidding.
As
spa services go, I’d say a first haircut is a nine on a scale of one to
ten. (Ten is the best, as if you
couldn’t figure it out, ya nitpickers!)
A tenth haircut is a four on the scale. And by haircut number fifteen, I’ve got to bail. End the relationship. It is time to move on. By the way, on my spa services scale, a
Brazilian is a negative six. Not
that I’ve ever had one. I’m not
even exactly sure what it is. But
would you do something you thought was a negative six? Me neither! Maybe if I was drunk.
So
what, exactly, happened to my haircut?
Mainly I believe it is that hairdressers lose interest in my hair. Yes. Quicker than a single guy can lose interest in my…ahem.
Rejection
based on my hair only. Is that
harder or easier to take than a guy breaking up with me? I can’t decide. At least the guy breaking up has ammo, something
to work with – he’s seen me without makeup, naked, and he knows what I’m like
in the morning. But my hair? Reject me out of boredom for my
beautiful silky hair? That’s just
cruel.
What
if other professions besides hairdressers rejected me out of boredom? My gynecologist would be rolling her
eyes, and saying “Ok, I get it,
it’s a vagina. I’ve seen it ten
times already! At least get a
yeast infection once in a while or something! Boring! So predictable!”
My
accountant: “Listen I can’t do
your taxes anymore. W2s, 1099’s,
I’d like to do your taxes but I keep falling asleep! Could you open up a shell corporation or make some investments
in derivatives? That would be
great for me because it is totally out of my area of expertise and I love a
challenge! The only thing I love
more than a challenge is screwing with the IRS!”
My
supermarket cashier: No she’d
never get bored with me. I’m
always on a diet or a binge.
That’s one person that I keep on her toes.
My
mechanic: “Ug, Lisa don’t bring
your car here anymore. It’s
dullsville, baby! You never drive,
you don’t even have normal wear and tear!
You could use new brakes but frankly I feel it is beneath me to install
them on this vehicle. Please take
your business elsewhere!”
lol for the sake of the poor little follicles. lol. what isn't funny is the doctor i had during my pregnancy actually did sound bored after the results of my sonogram. she, with her back to me while reading my chart, said in a tone that almost sounded let down, "Looks like you are having a healthy baby." i didn't pick doctors any better than husbands at the time.
by the way, i like your new pic up there and your hair!
Thank you Mindy! Thanks for getting me involved with shesofunny.org too!
The decline in quality of everything is bad enough but when doctors act like that it is just plain scary!