She So Funny

I live in Jersey City, NJ.  Most people think that Jersey City is some exotic far away land (I say that because none of my friends from NYC come into Jersey City to visit).  But, the truth is that I have a quicker commute to Midtown Manhattan than I did when I lived on the Upper East Side.  My beloved neighborhood is the Jersey City Heights.

How can I describe The Heights?  Well, it is a gang ridden, 3^rd world country run by a drunken Irishman.  Our mayor, Jeremiah Healy, has been photographed on his stoop wearing a towel, drunk and reading the newspaper.  He was also indicted for punching someone in a bar fight (yes, recently…in his adulthood).  It’s fantastic.  Nothing matters to him - especially not Jersey City.

I live at the top of Crip Hill (that’s right – I said Crip).  A few years back, there was a drive by shooting in my neighborhood.  A week later, there was retaliation in the form of yet another drive by.  I am a 4’11” lady honky who walks “with a purpose”.  But, I still get harassed by the shitbag teenagers who live in the hood.  When walking down Crip Hill, the stupid, fucking teenagers will throw bottles at you from the top of the hill.  It is their fun after school program.  I hate teenagers.  Period.  I once stumbled upon a “girl fight” (do you remember that “craze”?  When 2 teenage girls would beat the shit out of each other while being videotaped by a bunch of onlookers - for shits and giggles, of course).  I called the cops – from afar.

The Heights reminds me of a 3^rd world country.  Not because of the faces that you see.  Because of the condition the city/neighborhood is in.   There is discarded food, dog shit and trash all over the sidewalks.  I’ve actually watched someone just drop a to go container on the ground when he was finished with his lunch.  Classy.  One Friday afternoon, I was approached by a “gentleman” who asked me if I was “working”.  I guess the best time to get hooker love in Jersey City is Friday afternoons at 2pm.

Misty the hooker asks,  "That money handsome?".  Dr. Dre replies, "is that a penny anthem? Ha!  I kill me.  Just like you from the back, you'll see!"

Haiku for Jersey City:

Sweet Jersey City,

My love for you ebbs and flows.

I hate teenagers.