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  1. Facebook Translation Nation Station

    Friday, September 14, 2012

    Look, I'm not stupid. Putting up a Facebook status that says one thing and means another is not something that goes over my head. I PICK UP ON THAT SHIT! In this week’s Friday blog post, I try to demystify what people are typing, in hopes to reveal what’s really going on in their hearts. These are statuses taken verbatim from my Facebook feed.

    “Getting a good workout in first thing in the morning feels GOOD son!”
    What that means:  You’re making up for lack of size where it really matters. 

    “I need a haircut!!!!”
    What that means: You can’t afford a haircut!!!! (it’s ok, neither can I)

    “Monday. Night. Football.”
    What that means: The women you date probably have a lot of girl’s nights

    “I’ll be rooting for my boys at Penn State!! WE ARE!!! <3”
    What that means: Your favorite thing about football is the beer and attention you get from those booty shorts.

    “Breaking Bad is an awesome show”
    What that means: You have fabulous taste in television.

    “Why do dogs love rolling in their own poop!!!!!???? #gross”
    What that means:  You don’t use big words often

    “Girls suck”
    What that means: No, no. I'm pretty sure it's you.

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