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  1. The Good, the Bad, the Wrinkled, and the Ugly

    by Mindy Matijasevic

    There is no hiding from the lens of a camera.  Every infected pore and mustache hair is right there.  I know there is photoshop, and the photographer will probably do some wart removal and skin tone evening for my face.  However, the photos included in this blog are raw, the real deal, the good, the bad, the wrinkled, and the ugly.

    When I’m not smiling or talking, I tend to have a face that


    looks terribly unfriendly.  I think that became a defense in life in general.  I also think that may be my default position because my face reflects my thoughts, and though I’m learning to change the channel, I’m not in the advanced class with that.

     
     


    I’d hesitate to approach me, so I think it is important that I see these images.  Sometimes I feel and look like I can barely hold this heavy head of mine.  However, no matter how I may look, there is that person who will take it as a challenge.  I was once told by a male in my neighborhood who I didn’t know, “You look like you’re ready for a fight.”  I couldn’t believe that he could see it and hit on me anyway.  More commonly, I’ve been told to smile and how things can’t be that bad.  I’ve never known a frowning man to be told to smile and that things can’t be that bad.  In those moments, it feels so belittling of my existence.  None of these three are shots I will use for anything where I want to look good. 

    I feel lucky that this photographer gives me a sense of it being perfectly understandable that it can be a process to get into it.  We were in a little park in Herald Square.  It was a full house.  I had just come off the subway.  I had to do some serious attitude shaking. 

    I tried to pretend that I was in the country and no chance of anyone around to bother me.  I tried mentally reliving moments with my best friend – the person with whom I feel so free to be.  I reminded myself that I want good shots and I have a free photo shoot here with a photographer who normally charges, and I better pull myself together and make this happen.  (In my younger years, I now realize, I screwed up many opportunities in many different ways.)  I needed to loosen up.  My lips and jaw and mouth area looked and felt so tight.  There were some where I was smiling but then my eyes were squinty and it looked like my teeth might go flying out of my mouth.




    These are the temporaries, so hopefully it won’t feel that way when I get the permanent ones.  (Still paying that out.)  So while this is nice to have and see I had fun moments that made me laugh, it isn’t a shot that could be used to send for work where they need to see what I look like.  My original smile was never so gummy. 


    Then I remembered that physical movement helps.  I didn’t want to dance in the park to no music, but I did decide to dry wash my hair.  I think all the different things helped. 

     
     
     
     
     

     

     
     
    We did get some good ones.  I have to make a selection for him to touch up.  I like many for different reasons and dislike many for different reasons.  The hint of arm cellulite is not a look I’m going for.  The difference in color from where the sun hits and where it doesn’t reminds me of those two-flavor ice cream cups.

    These are some that I do like and he will make them look even better.

     
     
     
     
    I told my best friend that many pictures were looking mean or all teeth-and-gum smiling and that I had trouble finding middle ground, grey area.  He said, “I’m not surprised.  You’re not a grey area kind of gal.”


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  2. 7 comments:

    1. Canada Anne said...

      You have a great smile! Damn those mustache hairs. I hate those too lol. You look great and you are a character.

    2. Thank you so much. Normally, no one would have seen those first few. But I am really revealing myself here. :-)

    3. A poem or essay of pictures! Loved your honesty. Had many a chuckle too. As one who is incapable of appearing natural in a photograph, or even in walking down the street, I sympathize with trying to be who you are - on the outside. Ah, for a regal disinterestedness - I mean, really, who gives a damn - everyone's so into their own appearance.

    4. Mary said...

      I have grown used to seeing my lines, shadows and chins. I just am not comfortable with promoting it. I only see your beauty, and your bravery. I read the humor and felt that guarded pain. I, too, have been told to smile and then hear "Isn't that better?" followed by such a pretty girl should smile. Fuckers.

    5. Oh what beautiful pic's of you. I loved them! Your such a colorful person with many shades of happiness:) As for my own wrinkles..Going into my 40's wasnt easy to accept. But now I like the idea of getting older and watching my body change. It means more life lessons and harder work outs at the gym..lol . "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter". Be well. see you soon:)

      Rachel I.

    6. Richard, Mary, Rachel, thanks. Mary, I am still wondering if we know each other from anywhere else. Richard, thanks for getting how difficult it can be to just be yourself for the camera. Rachel, I don't even get to a gym. Whatever I do is at home and sporadic.

      All the comments are a real pick-me-up, so thanks. :-)

    7. Rhonda said...

      You are definitely not a grey area kind of gal! Congrats on the shoot!

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