She So Funny

By Samantha DeRose

Well, it’s Monday, it’s the first day of winter break, and it’s my blog day and I’ve got nothin’.  Nuthin, I tell ya.

I started to write a “To Don’t List” but ditched it after too many double negatives.  I didn’t want it to not be funny.

I started to write a short story, but started watching Enlightened and got distracted.

What I really need is some type of cognitive organization.  Not only am I a huge procrastinator, but I’m also one of those people who can’t seem to produce anything unless I’m under complete duress.  Why does that happen?

I honestly don’t know how I function as a human being.  I’m the person who shops, cooks, and cleans two hours before throwing a party.   Do NOT EVER open a closet or look under the beds if you attend a function at our house.  My mother used to have us preparing 2 weeks before a party.  We referred to that timeframe as PHS.  Pre-Holiday Syndrome.

I didn’t even plan having my children when they came along.  That’s not saying that I wasn’t happy with the results, but you get the point.

Do you really want to know how many calendars, alarms, reminder systems I have in my life to help me to be better at planning ahead?

You see?  I just typed all of that and then I googled, “Creativity under pressure” and read about 17 articles instead of writing my blog.  (I refrained from googling, “Do Cats Burp”… a real exercise in restraint).

This one http://janemckaycomms.wordpress.com/2012/09/18/being-creative-under-pressure/ was of no help.  You know what it said?  Sometimes deadlines can be good and sometimes they can be hamper creativity.  The author also said that he likes to HAND WRITE his projects first.  The only thing I hand write are passes to the clinic and I usually have the kid fill it out and I sign it.  Thanks for nothing, author.

This one http://www.premiumbeat.com/blog/project-estimation/ says to sharpen your estimation skills.  You want to know how good I am at estimating?  I estimated the qualities of a good husband.  A rough estimate.  Nuf said.

This one http://daredreamermag.com/2010/02/17/creativity-under-pressure-will-often-yield-a-diamond/ says that Creativity under pressure will often end with great results.  If you read my blog from last week, you will know that the song I wrote and performed on stage that very night flopped.  Hardly a diamond yielded.

I completely understand that working well under pressure is sometimes good, however, it’s become a lifestyle for me.  A lifestyle that doesn’t build in margins of error such as traffic, hard drives crashing, dinner burning, washing machines breaking, cars that need to be shoveled out before work, concussions, you name it.

For once, I just want an orderly brain.

Am I alone?

Working titles for my short story:  Creatures of Habit, Broken Habits