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    Wednesday, August 22, 2012

    by Helene Helene the Belle of the Bike

    Let's see, what's new in the life of a wacky fun comic-lady? Oh yeah, I almost forgot:

    My state wants me to review my taxes starting from 2005 until last year. And it was supposed to have been done by this week. It is not done.

    I owe six months back rent. Which is like $9,000.

    I owe three friends $9500 from the last time I owed back rent.

    I am supposed to pay back half of that money by September 1st.

    I just had a real estate deal fall through after five months work so that cost me $12,000 in commission.

    I fell madly in love with the greatest guy in the entire world, ever, who rocked my world, who cheered me on and lifted my spirits from the dark abyss, and talked to me every day eagerly, unlike any man I have ever loved, and is the most amazing loverman I have ever known. But we had to end it last week due to distance and timing and complicated, grown-up things that break my heart once again, each day, upon waking. A million little pieces. So there's THAT.

    Yesterday I received notice I am overdrawn in my bank account. I refuse to check it to see how much.

    Monday I worked a six hour shift at my second job for 25 bucks because I spent most of my tips buying drinks for the buyer whose deal fell through (see above.)

    My Adderall costs 250 bucks and I don't have health insurance. And I need Adderall.

    Oh yeah, I don't have health insurance. Did I say that already? I don't.

    I found a cool shelving unit on the street but can't carry it up the stairs by myself, because I do not have a boyfriend to help me carry shit up my goddamn stairs to my fucking apartment.

    Thank God for Xanax, which I have stockpiled. Like a BOSS. And I need Xanax. Like a BOSS.

    As my dear shrink says, " It's only money." And I'll probably fall in love again. And again. And again. And I'll likely have more deals in the future, so maybe I'll get health insurance and pay off my debt and take vacations again. I may not have my sanity, or an ability to sleep at night, or a lack of acid reflux, but I do have my health for the most part. And friends. And hell, I live in NEW YORK FUCKING CITY. How could I possibly want for anything more? I have my 24-hour deli and my thrift store finds and street furniture and 250 square feet of dark apartment on MADISON FUCKING AVENUE BITCHES. I saw Tommy Lee Jones walking down the street just the other day. Tommy Lee Fucking Jones, man. Because: New York City is a place where all interesting and cultural and fabulous things occur and there is no other place to live, ever. It is AWESOMETOWN.

    I have a comedy set tonight. I feel HILARIOUS. Wonder what I will talk about?

    --- Love and junk,

  2. 3 comments:

    1. the videos are hilarious -- especially that tax time one. i do enjoy your blog.

    2. RHC said...

      Hey Helene, let me hold $5.00?

    3. Amy said...

      Awesomely hilarious!

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