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  1. Amy Loves The Olympics

    Sunday, August 12, 2012


    Everyone dreams of participating in the Olympics at some point in their life, right?  Or maybe that’s just me.   Every Olympic year, during the 3 weeks that the games are televised, my personal workouts get a little harder…because I still dream of competing.  Gina Davis competed when she was 72…why can’t I?

    I was a gymnast for 14 years…I wasn’t good.  I was fat.  But, fuck me, I gave it my fat ass all…kind of.  There was one meet where I blew chalk in a judges face, then proceeded to act like a monkey on the uneven bars.  I almost broke my neck doing a back tuck in my floor exercise (which was to the Ghostbusters theme song and I danced like Janet Jackson during most of the routine).  I was actually decent on vault and beam…I took those events semi seriously (which meant I actually got on those apparatuses during practice.  Typically during practices, I would join the wrestlers during their mat time). 

    What it really comes down to is…I hate the whole “practice makes perfect” bullshit.  I’d much rather compete and fuck the preparation.  I am still that way when it comes to comedy.  I would rather run head first into a brick wall, than go to an open mic to practice.  Open mics have been some of the worst experiences I have ever had.  Imagine a room full of people who hate themselves hating you as well.  It’s some of the most toxic energy ever.  Open mics are the Chernobyl s of the soul(s).   I digress.

    What I've been trying to say is that I hope to one day make it to the big stage.  If I start running now, I might make it to Rio by 2016 (assuming that the world doesn’t end 12-21-12….that’s an entire blog post in itself).

    Tick Tock Motherfuckers!

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