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  1. Warrior, Lump, or Both?

    Friday, June 4, 2021


    I have been drinking so much water since cutting down on cigarettes that I think I may have also lost a little weight.  I’d be glad if I did.  I received good advice from a former smoker.  She knew from experience not to aim for zero from smoking 20-30 cigarettes a day.  It did make me feel calmer than I expected to feel.  I stopped being upset with myself for smoking and instead felt proud of my progress. 


    I’m still only buying them loose.  So far, I’ve gone from 20-30 a day to 5-15 a day.  I feel that if I had a pack in the house, I’d likely smoke the whole pack.  Still desire it.  I don’t feel sure I can maintain what I’ve achieved so far, but I’m still trying.  It’s been 17 days.


    A few nights ago, I returned a phone call to one of the many people to whom I owe a phone call.  We spoke about a number of sad things, yet I felt good talking with her.  Her view of me is so much better than my view of myself these days.  We knew each other from a former job where she was a very caring counselor who really helped people.  I was a popular teacher who appreciated my students and was appreciated by them.  She told me I was an ass-kicker and a warrior.  Though I love that vision, I told her I felt like a depressed lump.  Her reaction was, “Oh NO. Not in my eyes.”  I am trying to borrow her eyes.



    She shared how much she loved my writing and wanted me to continue.  That night, I wrote.  I hadn’t realized, until later, her impact on me.


    One of the things I have been working on is a collection of my experiences in adult education where I taught people who were returning to try to get their high school diploma.  That night I wrote a first draft of the time I had to co-teach with someone who was very different than I am.


    Several nights later, I presented it to a writing workshop which mainly focuses on poetry but allows the occasional short prose.  Since the pandemic, we’ve been doing it on-line.  They had so many ideas and questions and suggestions.  So though I thought my piece was done, I have things to think about.  The workshop folks are so helpful.  Their feedback helps me try to make the piece as good and as clear as I can.


    I hope to get back into comedy.  I’ll let you know when there are shows I’m doing.  I hope it is soon even if we are masked.  I need money and laughter.

    Love to CGG-M ❤❤❤

    Mindy Matijasevic


  2. 9 comments:

    1. Sorry for the shitty spammy comments.

    2. You are wonderful, and we all tend to be analytical about our weaknesses. You make me feel more prolific than I really am! I love sharing my struggles with folks I can trust. You have a good grasp on encouraging friends.

    3. Anne, I love how you see me.

      One of my favorite readers sent me this comment via email:

      Gotta admit I laughed out loud at the shitty spammy comment -- such a delicious non-sequitur. On the other hand, when I saw the title of your post, my heart jumped to my throat at the word "lump." Soooooooooooooo glad it was not the kind of lump that was in my mind.
      Happy to hear that the warrior has gone to battle against cigarettes. (What's coming next might seem like another non-sequitur but bear with me.) My wife has tried to exercise over the years but has always been inconsistent. Then she bought one of those watches that count her steps. She started with a goal of 7500 steps a day and would tell me, "I've done 100 days. I've done 300 days. I've done a year." Next she upped it to 10,000 a day and is now at 15,000 a day. There is something about seeing those days add up the motivates her to keep going. You might want to consider doing something like that in your drive to quick smoking. Set a goal of ab average of 10 a day for 100 days, then see if you can improve on it by one or two. Keep a calendar where you cross off the days. Remember, it's an average so some days you try to do better in order to allow for other days where you need to do more. Seeing your average drop is a great incentive to keep trying.
      In any case, I see you as a warrior, too. So keep at it!
      Oh, and avoid herpes.
      June 4, 2021 at 7:28 PM

    4. Lisa Harmon said...

      Hi Mindy not sure how this site is now, but it helped me when I was quitting cigs. When I couldn't sleep I'd meet other people in their chatroom and we would give each other advice, tell stories, laugh, etc. Also I chewed the nicotine gum. It took some time but I am over cigs now.

    5. Lisa, which pic are you referring to? Me and Frida or Xena the Warrior Princess?

    6. Joe, I, too, am so glad it wasn't the kind of lump you were thinking of. Thank God/dess.

    7. Lisa Harmon said...

      Haha you and Frida.

    8. Lisa Harmon said...

      You both look like you're having fun.

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