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  1. Comics Watching Comics

    Tuesday, June 28, 2016








    Sunday, June 26th had lots going on.  In my Bronx, the Bronx Museum of the Arts hosted “Boogie on the Boulevard” which takes place on the last Sunday of each summer month on the Grand Concourse.  There’s music and games, dancing and art-making, and all sorts of things.  I want to get to one, but I couldn’t get to it this time.




    Sunday, June 26th was also the Gay Pride March in Manhattan.  Years ago, I went regularly to support my gay friends and the gay community and humanity in general.  But this year wasn’t going to be one when I could go.

        






    Sunday, June 26, 2016 was the day I was going to be at the New York Comedy Club most of the day for a taping of 50 comics for upcoming episodes 3 and 4 of Comics Watching Comics.  For those of you unfamiliar with the show, here are former episodes that I enjoyed watching before deciding to do it.

    https://comicswatchingcomics.com/videos/


    Before I reached the train to head downtown, a man who lives in my neighborhood saw me and told me, “Ever since your dog passed away, you’ve put on weight.  You look good.”  He affectionately touched my shoulder.  I believed him that he thought I looked good.  No black man ever told me I was too fat.  One once told me to put some weight on. 

    I sat through 50 comics.  I am super grateful that I was #9 on the list.  I actually went up 8th because the person before me hadn’t arrived yet.

    The show is one where the panelists are going to talk about the set of each comic.  A year ago, I might not have taken the chance.  I am also aware that my work quality and my confidence do not match.  That’s true for many people.  Many seem to have more confidence than their work merits (NOT talking exclusively about comics regarding this phenomenon – I’ve seen it across the board, teachers, writers, poets, etc.)  Then there are those who don’t feel as confident as they should.  My confidence fluctuates and sometimes may have little to do with the actual quality of my work.  

    As it got closer to the day of the taping, I questioned again if this was a good thing for me to be doing.  I’d be performing to a roomful of comics.  Those of you readers not in comedy, I will tell you that performing to comics is not typically the most responsive audience/ rewarding experience.

    Fast-forward.  The roomful of comics turned out to be a wonderful audience!  My set went quite well.  I was able then to relax and enjoy the others.  Between my set and sitting down, I was greeted by Rhonda Hansome, our Thursday “She,” who was also going to be taped performing a set.  It felt so good to see a familiar face and supportive person.  I gave her a big hug.  She hugged back.  That was a nice plus.  And even better yet, I don’t think she and I are competing with each other.  I believe I am in the episode 3 batch, and she is in the episode 4 batch. 

    I left feeling good that I did this.  I can only do my current best.  I am braced for whatever the panelists might say.  I am okay with it being aired.  I’m proud that I feel that okay with it all.  I just hope the cameras (that supposedly add pounds to the look of a person) help people see me through the lens of that man in my neighborhood.  J




    Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 12:00 AM | Labels: , , , , , , | 0 comments | |

  2. Comedy Stuff

    Tuesday, June 21, 2016






    I heard a young male comic recently say, from the stage, that he did anal, yep he did that.  That was it.  Maybe, amongst his dudes, that alone is something to laugh at.  I was waiting for a punchline, but he just said it as an accomplishment, a credit of sorts.  I didn’t get how he should get credit, unless it was his ass. 

    I had a good time being part of the Real Bitches of Comedy show last Saturday.  The trains were trying, but the woman running the show was totally in the know about what was happening with the trains, so she was so cool about it.  Two of my students went and got there before me.  They bravely sat up front.  Another person with whom I have a mutual friend showed up.  It was the first time I met him in person.  He was the audience star of the show – Rudy.  He seemed totally comfortable being part of the show.  Nice.




    I don’t tend to make anyone feel sorry for sitting up front, but I couldn’t guarantee no one else would.  They were game.  My guests all sat up front and had a good time.


    Heather Apostolidis was great to work with.  She’s funny and kind and human.  I hope to work with her again.  Her almost-husband and his family were such good-vibes people.  I enjoyed them as an appreciative audience. 


    People came over to me later to compliment my set.  That felt great.  I felt uplifted and encouraged to continue on with my funny stuff. 


    Bonus: my students drove me home.  That was a totally unexpected cherry on the cake.  


    Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 12:00 AM | Labels: , , , , , | 0 comments | |





  3. I recognize that Trump’s personality disorder is one that involves loving the fight more than the prize.  It’s not so different from parents who take pleasure in robbing the child of the other parent, fight for custody just to win, wins, and then has little skill or desire to build a happy person.  The fun is over, the fun of hurting everybody.  Now it’s just a path of destruction left behind.

    Well when Trump was called the presumptive nominee, he looked pale and frightened to me.  The part he liked was over – knocking out others in a junior high bully style.  Now he’d have to deliver something of substance.  But he only has the fight, not substance.

    So he creates conflict and manipulates others to act on his feelings.  In a family, children believe lies and become alienated from and hostile toward the actual loving parent.  In a country such as ours, race riots could become commonplace as he makes America something again.  We'd be in wars all over the globe.  All of it deflects the attention from the orchestrator.

    When Trump decided to complain about his unfair life and named the judge presiding over the Trump U case and the judge’s ethnic heritage, my first thought was he doesn’t want to be president.  It may not be conscious on his part, but this is how he will sabotage himself.  He doesn’t want the prize, only the winning. 

    I wonder how long his third marriage will last.  He can chase them and get them, but then he’s got nothing of substance to offer.
     
    He’s consistently narcissistic.  I’ll give him that. 

    On a hopeful note, on Sunday after the heavy rain became a light drizzle, I looked up and saw this which looked magnificent and colorful unlike the photo.  I know it is a great big sky, but seeing the rainbow above the buildings right across the street felt wonderfully personal.







    Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 1:48 PM | Labels: , , , | 0 comments | |

  4. Brief Update

    Tuesday, May 31, 2016











    Slowly rising from Mother’s Day depression. 



    Will be auditioning at a comedy club in a few weeks.

    And since there’s a suspicion that part of my income might end in a month or two, getting passed at a comedy club for paid work would be good timing.


    For those of you who have been wanting to come out for some laughs and a generally good time, I'm pleased to announce that I’ll be at Silvana’s (116th Street and 8th Avenue, NYC) on June 18th at 7pm.  I’ll be performing on the Real Bitches of Comedy show.  


    Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 12:00 AM | Labels: , , , , | 0 comments | |

  5. Full of Rocks and Being Funny

    Tuesday, April 26, 2016





    Last week, my internet, cable tv, and phone services were temporarily suspended. I had written the start of a blog, but after the NY primaries, it was dated. I had moments on a computer at my day job, but to write anything, I like to be home.

    Being without the tv and internet wasn’t easy. I sleep with the tv on. I awoke when it went off. I’ve not lost perspective. I had a place to go home to, food, running water, hot water, electricity, good-enough health, freedom, and my jobs. Most importantly, my beloved son, my best friend, and I are alive and well, and for my son’s sake and my step-son’s sake, I’m also grateful their dad is alive and well enough.

    Being without those services felt a bit like fasting. I knew it would be temporary. It felt uncomfortable and even irritating. Like any other change, it opened up other things. I discovered videos that were in my Dropbox. I watched myself do a stand-up set in 2008. The audience was with me that night. I couldn’t even believe it. And I was braver than usual. I also made myself look at the videos of my canine child on his last day. It was okay. I had been afraid to look at pictures and videos of that day. Intellectually, I know it is better to not run from pain but to look at it. However, I haven’t been doing so courageously in recent months, so this was an opportunity to disrupt some of my habits. There’s definitely value in “fasting” and I can understand why most religions include a time for it in their practice.

    In case my ex doesn’t think I suffered enough over our son, the weight of grief is upon me every day. Every fuckin’ day.



    In spite of it all, I do stand-up. I know this site is called She So Funny, and I ain’t been funny in my blogs for a while. I will share this. In mid-June, late on a Wednesday night, I have an audition at Broadway Comedy Club.  If I “pass,” I become one of their paid comics they book.  So I better get fuckin’ funny. 

    Though I am grateful to be able to survive, I’d really love to not need 2 survival jobs, so I can get out there and do my thing!

     

     

     

    Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 12:00 AM | Labels: , , , , , , | 3 comments | |

  6. Still Hopeful, After All These Years

    Tuesday, April 12, 2016


     
     
     
     
     
    In spite of having a heavy heart, I registered for a comedy festival. 

    Announcements will be made by September 1st. I like me for moments like that where I don’t totally surrender to the unfortunate parts of my life or to depression but instead “keep hope alive.” I am as aware of my gifts as I am of my suffering.
     
    Adding to everything, the director of my main job is moving on; most of us are sad and worried.

     

    She is exceptional and rare. I even asked her if she has a friend she can recommend. It is going to be a trying time.
    No matter how long or short she was our director, she did real good, and I just hope some things stick even after she’s gone.

    The good part (I think) is she will still be involved in our program as she is promoted to head our parent organization. I just pray her new role fits her caring self. I’d hate to see the demands of the job force her to be something other than who she is (ya know how jobs can do).
    …

    In terms of the country, there is hope on the horizon:

     http://observer.com/2016/03/bernie-sanders-rocks-the-bronx/

    The lone Bronx elected official supporting Mr. Sanders, Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda, said at the rally tonight that the Democratic machine had pressured him into endorsing the more moderate Ms. Clinton—and he had to say no, citing the devastation of the Iraq War. Bronx Councilman Ritchie Torres, who is officially neutral in the primary, also attended the rally.

    “Bernie is a man of integrity,” Mr. Sepulveda said. “Bernie is a man who’s gonna lead this revolution.”

     

    http://bronx.news12.com/news/bernie-sanders-speaks-at-bx-community-college-1.11672256

    Sen. Bernie Sanders made his second campaign stop in the Bronx Saturday.
     
    http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2016/04/08/bernie-sanders-highlights-his-new-york-roots-at-brooklyn-rally/

     

     
     
    As he has in other states, Mr. Sanders told the crowd that a high voter turnout would be critical for him. “Bring your friends and your family,” he said. “Let us make the world know that in this great state, New York is part of the political revolution.”
    Amanda Hooper, a 26-year-old waitress who lives in Brooklyn, said she was excited to see Mr. Sanders in her borough. She said she dropped out of college because she couldn’t afford tuition after her scholarship money was reduced as part of state budget cuts in Florida.
    Now, she’s hoping Mr. Sanders can help people like her afford school and said she felt confident that Mr. Sanders could win New York’s primary.
    “This is his turf. He’s from here,” Ms. Hooper said, adding that Mrs. Clinton might have worked on efforts in the borough but didn’t have the same connection as someone who grew up in Brooklyn.
    “That’s her turf, all those buildings over there,” Ms. Hooper said, pointing to Manhattan’s maze of skyscrapers. “Brooklyn, I think, is Bernie’s.”

     


     
    http://www.nytimes.com/politics/first-draft/2016/04/10/bernie-sanders-did-not-disappoint-at-coney-island/?_r=0

    Mr. Sanders stopped to take photos with people as he walked into Nathan’s. “I love you Bernie,” a woman screamed to him. “I trust you.”

     

     

    Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 12:00 AM | Labels: , , , , , , , , | 2 comments | |


  7.  
     
     
     
     
    My fuchsia flowers are still upright and looking wonderful. They are in a vase I once bought for my mother.

    The day after Good Friday/divorce anniversary was a year since my Luigi went to Heaven. Though that was a very hard event, it was surrounded by events that had made it harder. A scene followed outside the place. I haven’t really gotten through all the trauma of that day. I know by how I find it so hard to walk on the block of the vet’s office.
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Much of my life feels like PTSD. That was once thought to be unique to soldiers returning from war. It has now come to include those who suffered under emotional and/or other kinds of abuse for long periods of time. I was born into a war that didn’t cease for the arrival of a baby.

    My marriage was a different kind of war; in a way, more eerie.

    (I know in my comedy, I make it sound funny, but that comedy did not come for free; it was long-earned. Writing my stand-up material is part of my healing journey. Everything I make us laugh about is something I once cried and/or fumed about.)

    The ongoing heartbreak is how my son was not protected throughout the divorce war, the pain caused him, and my ex going to lows I hadn’t thought he would (out of human decency and parental love – BUT I was wrong). My mistake was not only believing in something that just was not there, but not believing in the evil that was.

    What an education.*

    I found it difficult, but I got through the week.

    Each day I felt surprised that the flowers are still doing so well.  It helped me on a level I am not ready to discuss publicly.

     

     

     

    *(Aramis, I wasn’t able to receive when you tried to tell me certain things about the existence of evil.)

    Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 2:14 AM | Labels: , , , , , , | 3 comments | |