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    My fuchsia flowers are still upright and looking wonderful. They are in a vase I once bought for my mother.

    The day after Good Friday/divorce anniversary was a year since my Luigi went to Heaven. Though that was a very hard event, it was surrounded by events that had made it harder. A scene followed outside the place. I haven’t really gotten through all the trauma of that day. I know by how I find it so hard to walk on the block of the vet’s office.
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Much of my life feels like PTSD. That was once thought to be unique to soldiers returning from war. It has now come to include those who suffered under emotional and/or other kinds of abuse for long periods of time. I was born into a war that didn’t cease for the arrival of a baby.

    My marriage was a different kind of war; in a way, more eerie.

    (I know in my comedy, I make it sound funny, but that comedy did not come for free; it was long-earned. Writing my stand-up material is part of my healing journey. Everything I make us laugh about is something I once cried and/or fumed about.)

    The ongoing heartbreak is how my son was not protected throughout the divorce war, the pain caused him, and my ex going to lows I hadn’t thought he would (out of human decency and parental love – BUT I was wrong). My mistake was not only believing in something that just was not there, but not believing in the evil that was.

    What an education.*

    I found it difficult, but I got through the week.

    Each day I felt surprised that the flowers are still doing so well.  It helped me on a level I am not ready to discuss publicly.

     

     

     

    *(Aramis, I wasn’t able to receive when you tried to tell me certain things about the existence of evil.)
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  2. 3 comments:

    1. M. Slechta said...

      Lovely pictures despite the deep sense of loss and sadness in your words. I too believe that we have to be patient and loving towards ourselves as we work through trauma. Keep sharing! I'm sending a big hug.

    2. May the beauty in the world overtake the evil and the ugly in your panorama; may you find yourself among the roses.

    3. Your comments, Mary and David, are wonderful and soothing. Thank you very much.

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