I submitted to a comedy festival. Those accepted will be announced by September 1, 2014. There's an entry fee and I got the early bird special entry fee, so I feel reasonable about it. I accept that the prize money has to come from somewhere. I don't have a real sense if submitting is premature, or if I'm a contender. I go back and forth on that. But I had the money and chose to take a shot. It can really boost things along if I'm among those selected to participate. Paid work, exposure to some who can impact my road, and all that jazz.
I know some who have won in the past. They are definitely further along. They may have been further along before entering as well.
Speaking of competitions, I'm also in the running in the poetry category of the annual competition from the Bronx Council on the Arts. They select people for B.R.I.O. (Bronx Recognizes Its Own) awards which comes with a grant. There are many categories. I won in 1999 for nonfiction literature and in 2001 for poetry. There is no entry fee for this as the money comes from grants. The monetary prize would help me a lot now.
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On a totally different note, I have had a twisted back for over a week now. I was in so much pain. Took a hot shower, had Ben-Gay on, but my sleeping surface isn't helpful and may be partly responsible. It had been getting better last week, but then maybe I re-injured it in my sleep. I couldn't do much this past weekend. Took me over eight hours to get one small wash done at the Laundromat. Ugh.
Then there's all the emotional stuff which is what I consider the real life. There are many people I want to be able to make contact with while we are all still on this Earth. Many are cousins who were kept in the dark about what my life was all about growing up. The problem is how risky it all is. Some prefer the dark. They paint their own pictures. Some could never believe things I experienced by people they had very different experiences with. Some feel abandoned by me but have no idea how painful it all is for me. Some can't process my reality. There's a lot of blaming the victim that goes on. Then there are people who were friends, and for whatever reasons, some still unclear to myself, I didn't continue the friendship. One has weighed on my heart much of my adult life. Billy Groginsky. A very good human. I often want to contact him but am not sure what to say that would mean anything to another person. He didn't deserve to be made to feel bad by me. He was always good to me. I've cried much over this.
There are aunts and uncles who I wish could understand what weighs on my heart. I had hoped my autobiography would've been written before now. I had hoped everyone would've understood more of the picture. But it isn't written. Truthfully it wouldn't have been as good as when I do write it because I have reached deeper understanding now. But my grandparents, parents, and my mother's oldest three siblings have all passed. I hope they are still alive in whatever form and aware of me. Sometimes I feel sure they are. I talk to them often. Some cousins and friends have passed too. It all hurts a lot. The estrangement with those alive hurts too.
When my body isn't up to par, I can really delve into unhappy places. I guess it boils down to missing my mommy which was often my grandma as well. While I miss everyone, these were also very troubled relationships (not so much with my mother as I never had to doubt her love, but that's a whole other tragedy). Anyway, I remembered a once best friend telling me about the wonders of Alleve. I bought some, and it helped my back (and mood) a lot.
Some relationships at work are great while others are challenging in very different ways. Sometimes for breakfast, I watch this to help me get ready.
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Then, due to the era in which we are living, there are moments that are such wonderful surprise gifts. A woman on Facebook from Australia saw my video and wrote:
Leila Simon Boakesposted toMindy Matijasevic
Hi Mindy loved your standup video-I would love to see more youre really good!
