Yes, I am going to thrill you and all that jazz (okay, maybe just make you go "hmmmm. Helene is weird" late tonight with my latest blentry. I've missed a couple Wednesdays, due to my ever-present wacky schedule and procrastination and neuroses. So, check out this site later, after I've met my cousins Jerry and Jack in the City to find bears (the hairy, thick, male kind) and beers and babkas. Yes, they like bears, as do I, and I have not seen them in 13 years or more, and family is most important, as I am so far from all my relatives and need to be reassured that I am still a member of my wacky tribe. You'd love Jerry and Jack. Come join us as we walk the High Line, peruse Eataly, and ogle chest hair and beards in a gay bar somewhere or just hang out in the Village outside The Olive Tree Cafe and watch the parade of kidz and weirdos.
I love writing for this blog. Sorry I have neglected thee, my dear readers. I am lying before you, supine, and you may whip me with your cat-o-nine-tails. Please?
by Helene "Oh For The Love Of God I Am Forever Forgetting It Is Wednesday" Gresser
1. I actually got up before my guy, and made HIM coffee in the French press coffeepot, which takes FOREVER, because the water takes, like, 127 minutes to boil, and then there is the waiting for the coffee grounds to steep, and the insanely hard "pressing" of the press-thingy, and then the preparing of the creamer and sugar in the cups. After doing this, I adore my dude even MORE, because he does this for me EVERY time I spend the night. I wake to sleep, and take my waking SLOW.
2. I went to a networking luncheon, to network for one of my three "day jobs" (aka NOT PERFORMING,) which was cool, but ironically it took place at the Friar's Club, a private club that consists mainly of entertainment professionals. And most pro comics are members. I love this club, and long to be a member, but cannot afford the thousands of dollars for the initiation and yearly fees. I burn with envy for my friends who are members. And I was there "networking" for a job that I do just to pay some bills. Just kill me now.
3. I dropped off keys for the new tenant of an apartment I rented for my real estate jorb. I told the new tenant to buy wood glue and fix a TINY and completely unnoticeable barely-jiggly-unless-you-futzed-with-it-for-seventeen-minutes-straight threshold himself, as otherwise the apartment is PRISTINE and PERFECT, and please don't delay moving in because the owner probably will not take the time to buy the 3.99 wood glue herself and have it fixed. I should have just gone to the Duane Reade and bought the damn glue and done it myself. Maybe I will tomorrow. I am that kind of real estate agent.
4. I tried to write my blentry when I got home, but my very nice roomies were watching "Spartacus" or something and all I could hear was screaming and violent fighting coming from the show, so I turned on the radio and got so distracted by the combination of the screaming and the Clear Channel-dictated-thus-completely-predictable song list that I was rendered idea-less and prayed for my guy to call and rescue me from the cacophony. He did.
5. I am sitting at my guy's computer typing this now, eating delicious pita-pizza he made for me, and got up to sing "Why Do You Build Me Up, Buttercup" to him. Now "I'm A Believer" is playing, which is the perfect antidote to "Buttercup." I am going to sign off now, and try to be less cynical.
6. I only smoked three-quarters of a pack today. That's pretty good, right???
Yes, I am going to thrill you and all that jazz (okay, maybe just make you go "hmmmm. Helene is weird" late tonight with my latest blentry. I've missed a couple Wednesdays, due to my ever-present wacky schedule and procrastination and neuroses. So, check out this site later, after I've met my cousins Jerry and Jack in the City to find bears (the hairy, thick, male kind) and beers and babkas. Yes, they like bears, as do I, and I have not seen them in 13 years or more, and family is most important, as I am so far from all my relatives and need to be reassured that I am still a member of my wacky tribe. You'd love Jerry and Jack. Come join us as we walk the High Line, peruse Eataly, and ogle chest hair and beards in a gay bar somewhere or just hang out in the Village outside The Olive Tree Cafe and watch the parade of kidz and weirdos. 
