Well, boo fuckin' hoo. I didn't get selected to participate in the festival where I had submitted a video of me doing stand-up. Almost sixty people were selected. I am very curious about the quality of their work and how mine lacks. In the past few days, I remembered that announcements would be made soon. So I again watched the tape I had sent, and I realized that the first minute did not get enough laughs per minute if that's how it is judged. I wondered if they'd watch the whole thing or if my first minute was it. Oh well.
I have had some free time though quite broke. My dog had vet needs which came when I'm the most broke. That's the way it goes. I know my free-ish time will be coming to an end, and though I was able to do many things, there are still many things I didn't get to. I knew I'd feel somewhat uplifted if I did some cleaning of very neglected areas. I already had the supplies, so no money was needed. I finally put the thought and desire into action at 3am one night. I felt better about myself turning something awful into its original white and shiny state. Scents changed as a result, and I wondered for a quick second if I upset the mouse world. The next day a mouse ran by and into my broom closet. Ugh. I have to work consciously to feel like it is my apartment and not the mouse's. I am afraid of rodents and detest that they enter where I exist. I stomped around to try to convince myself I am bigger and all the stuff people tell me. My dog immediately knew what that meant, and he then seems afraid which is just awful. Meanwhile, I am supposed to make sure he doesn't lie on the hard floor so his elbow can heal. I feel I need to pad the whole place. He has a bed, he uses the sofa, and I allow him on a chair, but still he lies on the floor also. Maybe for the coolness. But his elbow needs to heal. I'm not supposed to let him lick it, so I put a cone on his head which he hates. He's an old man, a darling old man, and I hate to make him miserable with the cone, but he has to heal. He's on a second round of stronger antibiotics.
Soon, both jobs are going to blast me away. That's how it feels. I have to remember to breathe and how much better it will be to be able to pay my bills more easily again.
I just opened my bottle of wine. Ten bucks, and I'm my Saturday night date. I just need a big strong man who laughs in the face of a mouse.
Other than that, I need a nonjudgmental cleaning and therapy team to help me. It's not that I don't want to throw things out. I am very happy when I've gone through clutter and fill a bag for garbage. I appreciate the cubic inches of air space. It feels hopeful. What is so very difficult is going through and looking at each thing. No one can do that for me. I'm digging out, but the pace isn't fast enough. It's like an archaeological dig. I find things from eras ago.
I have prepared a shopping bag of clothes to bring to the shelter in the neighborhood. The more stuff I get out of my house, the better. I am so overwhelmed. I need to get this place back to where it once was when it looked like someone creative and healthy enough lived here on a low budget. Now it looks like a baffling case study.
If you would like to come to a free comedy show this Thursday evening, I'll be in Johnny Zito's show at Goodbye Blue Monday, 1087 Broadway, Bushwick, Brooklyn. (J train to Koskiuszko Street & walk a block.) 7:30pm, nice place, CBGB vibe, affordable drinks, and good food. I hope to have the honor of entertaining you. It is my last free Thursday night for some months. Next week, my evening job will be in full swing. I am thankful that Johnny fit me into this week's show, and I hope you come and have some laughs with me. (Hosted by Greggory Daniels! Stand-up from Joe Newman, Robert Commiskey, Monica Taller, Gabe Zucker, Mindy Matijasevic, Rogin Kim, Momoh Pujeh, Mike Hernandez, Dee Marie, Caleb Barge, Yohei Kawamata and Johnny Zito.)
