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  1. The Flying Leap

    Tuesday, November 11, 2014


     

    I went for a walk with a co-worker friend last Wednesday.  It was late afternoon.  Though it was still daylight when we headed out, it became dark during the walk.  The ground we were on was uneven.  My co-worker had just asked me about the time early in my marriage.  I was deep into it when I took a flying leap.  Could it be any more metaphorical? 


    This time, it was a literal fall and a bit bizarre.  I was stumbling and trying not to fall, but I was losing against gravity.  I was going to the left.  That’s what made it bizarre.  Usually I’d be falling forward.  My co-worker was on my left and I tried to grab on in hopes of at least lightening the fall.  Maybe I did; I’m not sure if it would have been worse.  The street was not smooth.  I landed hard on my side.  I injured my ribs badly.  I couldn’t fuckin' believe it. 

    Some things had been going pretty well, and then this felt like a setback in some ways.

    It takes at least six weeks to heal.  The Divorced Divas Comedy Show is in less than that.  I expect to be feeling a lot better by then.  As much as it hurts, I’m supposed to breathe deeply and cough each hour to help prevent pneumonia and lung infection.

    I didn’t go to either job the day after this happened. Too much pain.  The day after that, the pain wasn’t really improving except for the shoulder area.  I was able to use that arm more.  But the rib cage area was still awful.  A friend convinced me why I should get an x-ray.  She said if it is a fracture (a crack) then it will have to mend on its own.  If it is broken, it could be doing damage to another part of me.  Since the pain wasn’t lessening, I knew I needed to go.  So I managed to take off my clothes and shower and get dressed mainly because the shoulder and arm were much improved.  Nothing is broken there.  But when I called the medical group, no one answered after more than twenty rings.  Plus I have my own desire not to go, so I decided since it was the afternoon and they may have been done for the day, I’d go the next day early in the morning with the support of my friend.  I needed help to sit there.  I knew I could get there physically, but waiting while being afraid was what I needed help with.

    We went.  The nurse had to ask me if anyone was threatening me.  (I guess because I came in saying I fell and was sure I broke some ribs.)  I said "no," but I wanted to say that if I died, some folks would be glad.  No point in complicating things.  Then she had to ask me if I drink.  Of course I drink.  I told her, "Yes but not that day." It went on:
    "Daily?"
    "No."
    "Socially on weekends?"
    "Not every weekend."
    "Monthly or less?"
    "Well, sometimes..."
    "Monthly or less?"
    Realizing there was probably no box on the form for a real answer, I said, "Monthly." 
    There are times I drink a whole bottle of wine in one night. Weeks can go by without any. Then there may be a week where it's daily for a few nights.  It's not a matter of drinking socially; I drink emotionally.  My answers don't fit in little boxes any more than I fit in a file.

    I saw a doctor on duty though it wasn’t my regular doctor.  She wanted to know if I wanted a referral also for a mammogram and a colonoscopy.  Uh, no.  I was in so much pain.  A breast flattening and ass search was not what I went there for.  To be fair, she saw how long it had been since I was there and figured she’d get some things done while she had me there.  She asked if I wanted my flu shot today.  I wanted it no day.  I told her I have never taken the flu shot.  She asked about a tetanus shot.  I couldn’t stand this when I was in so much pain.  I said, “I want an x-ray and painkillers that are strong enough to need a prescription.” 

    She sent me to the lab for an x-ray.  They said they don’t do it on Saturdays.  I couldn’t accept that after all it took to get myself there.  Then they said if I needed it today, I had to use the lab in the hospital (around the corner).  I did.  They found three fractured ribs.  The 4th, 5th, and 6th ribs were fractured in the back.  I honestly don’t think they saw everything.  I believe it is fractured in other places too, or the soft tissue is also very pained.  The doctor seemed surprised that I had what I came in saying I had -- multiple fractures.  After all, I didn't go to medical school; I just live in my body and was in it when I fell.  That, I learn over and over, doesn't hold weight with every doctor.  
     
    My buddy picked up my painkillers from the drug store.  I’ve had to take more than the dose prescribed to get any effect.  I needed something stronger to knock me out in the first few days like codeine or the date-rape drug -- without the rape. 

    I must add that I am grateful I have a friend who really cares about me and my dog (and has walked my Luigi ever since this happened), that I have insurance, and that I was able to pay the $30 co-payment (it wasn’t long ago when I would've been bouncing checks to get medical care). 

    With all my complaints and aching and paining, I am probably going to heal from this way, way faster than healing from emotional and spiritual abuse.  With that, there's no x-ray to say "Right there, that's where it is."



    The show will go on!  http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/905345
     

     
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  2. 3 comments:

    1. Rhonda said...

      Last week I was reading in the NY Times about falls. No matter the age falling can be a trial. I am so sorry to hear about your recent fall & the awful pain from it. I wish you a speedy recovery & relief from discomfort. A while back I had a debilitating fall, it was not fun, for four & a half months. You have my sympathy. Looking forward to seeing you!

    2. Wow, doesn't sound like a fall down, sounds like a beat down. Jkg. I guess that was why they asked many ?'s. I am sure you understood. But a colonoscopy and a mammogram? PA LEEZZZZZ. TOTAL hemorrhoids! I am sorry that you are in such pain. You too Rhonda. Falling sucks. I took a fall about 4 years ago, head first. Thought I had busted my head open but didn't, and this was at home. The sad thing was that at that time...I could care less. Literally, welcomed death. I bruised shoulder too. It took about a year for my should to heal. Strong woman,,,that's what we are!!! Hand in there hon, if there is anything I can do..don't hesitate to ask. As for the healing of emotional and spiritual abuse...12 steps programs ARE AWESOME!

    3. I' so sorry you are so seriously injured, and really hope you heal quick. There's a great poem here - divorce as fall, you said as much already. Fate owes you this poem, so I say collect.

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