Hi all. Have I mentioned that I am a terrible procrastinator? I allow things to become a heavy weight on me. One recent example is my taxes. Each year in recent times, I get a refund. This is a good thing. I need the refund badly. Each year, I tell myself not to procrastinate next year since it means money for me. And yet I do. This year, I expected to do it in February, but I didn’t. March went by. Then April. They extended the deadline until May 17th. I did it on May 12th. It could’ve been way worse. After I did it, it felt like a weight was lifted off of me. I thought about why I let it get to that point. I think feeling weighed down is the norm for me. Awful thing to continue. Whenever I think about the taxes being done, I sigh with relief. I can’t wait for the refund. I have to admit that there is something else I am procrastinating about which may be what made doing the taxes seem approachable. I’m a trip in many ways.
After I get my refund, my next t-shirt is coming out!
In my decluttering, I found some comedy notes I’d written and forgotten about. They made me laugh. I’m too often gloomy. Knowing that in my misery, I am still funny, feels very good.
My dreams lately have continued to be very dramatic – a man calling me telling me it’s a matter of life and death, another where a man who had a crush on me and me on him (in real life) had a hugging interaction (in the dream), but I was concerned about COVID and asked him if he’s been vaccinated. I don’t remember him answering but we hugged and so did our bodies. Lordy Lordy. Dreams like that make me think maybe I haven’t totally closed up shop. Not sure.
In real life, I haven’t hugged my close friends or anyone since the pandemic. I miss hugs. Especially those with my son.
I was part of a zoom poetry reading tonight hosted by Lucy Aponte. I am glad for these moments that make me feel I’m still here doing things. The pandemic, to some degree, solidified my hermit ways. So interacting with others is a big deal. The event went very well – mostly Bronx folks. Everyone’s work was passionate. My poems were not necessarily on happy topics, but many of them were funny. Folks were laughing. It felt so satisfying, like a delicious meal.
Love always to CGG-M ❤💜❤
Mindy Matijasevic, May 2021
