A few months ago, a man reached me through an on-line casting
website
where my subscription had expired months before. His email began,
“Let’s discuss you doing the lead …”
I was surprised his message got through to me. Though I could see the
listings, I couldn’t
apply to anything because I wasn’t paid up for the year. I wanted to be connected again, but I couldn’t
spare the money. So I really didn’t
think anyone could find me through that site anymore. But he did.
It was for a sizzle reel to be shown to show runners down the
line. There
was no mention of money up
front. I’d have to take off from my
job. It seemed like it would all happen
in New Jersey. I don’t drive. I hit reply and began my email, “I really
appreciate your interest, but I won’t be available for …” I stopped and asked myself why I was saying
no. I had no other acting gig going
on. I was mainly working my day job and
doing stand-up comedy. I actually missed
acting. I also realized it is much
easier to take time off from the job when we weren’t having classes. I re-read it and realized there’d be a ride
to the location from Manhattan.
I deleted what I wrote and told him the best time to call me.
Fast forward, I met the director and we went to the NJ
location where
the producer worked. We
worked on parts and they saw I had what it would take to pull off the
role. They told me I was a blessing and treated me like royalty. When they took me out to eat, they upped
whatever I ordered. If I said medium,
they ordered large. What was not offered
in money was offered in good feelings.
The following week, we were to work on the shoot with crew and
other
actors. I overslept, so they came
to get me at my Bronx location. No one
wasted energy on being upset with me though I was kidded about being a diva who
expected to get door to door service. I’ve
got a long way to go to be a diva, but I laughed and swore I just fucked up and
was up too late the night before.
The crew and other actors were very pleasant to work
with. It only takes
one bitch or bastard
to ruin a day, but everyone was cool.
Not a kunt in the crowd. Can’t
say my other days at the day job felt like that. So though I was working, I felt like I was on
vacation.
One of the scenes involved a young adult son and I having a
confrontation. I knew this was really
going to be heartfelt because of the parallels with my real life son. I had real anxiety. The actor was amazingly convincing, and as
soon as I heard the pain in his angry voice, my eyes filled with tears and
poured out. After his rant, he asked for
a hug. We hugged hard. I wished it was my son who I was hugging. My tears ran down my face. The camera stayed on me up close and very
personal.
After the director said, “Cut,” I, while crying and a bit of
laughing, asked,
“Can we eat now?”
Everyone laughed. I wiped my face,
and we all ate pizza with a variety of toppings.
The producer’s son and other family members gave me so many
compliments on my acting. I awkwardly
thanked them. I didn’t feel it was my
acting as much as my reacting to the amazing performance by the one playing my
son. When I told the director that, he
said that was what good acting is – letting it all deep inside and truly
reacting. He said I was outstanding,
surpassed his expectations, and that it was because I was in the moment.
I felt there is a God/dess looking out. I felt therapy was brought to me
since I can’t
financially afford to go to it.
Additionally, I felt that this was put out into the universe, and I
hoped so much my son could feel it -- my solid raw love for him.
To be continued …
