The Good, the Bad, the Wrinkled,
and the Ugly
by Mindy Matijasevic
by Mindy Matijasevic
There is no hiding from the lens of a camera. Every infected pore and mustache hair is
right there. I know there is photoshop,
and the photographer will probably do some wart removal and skin tone evening for
my face. However, the photos included in
this blog are raw, the real deal, the good, the bad, the wrinkled, and the
ugly.
When I’m not smiling or talking, I tend to have a face that
looks terribly unfriendly. I think that became a defense in life in general. I also think that may be my default position
because my face reflects my thoughts, and though I’m learning to change the
channel, I’m not in the advanced class with that.
I’d hesitate to approach me, so I think it is important that I
see these images. Sometimes I feel and
look like I can barely hold this heavy head of mine. However, no matter how I may look, there is
that person who will take it as a challenge.
I was once told by a male in my neighborhood who I didn’t know, “You
look like you’re ready for a fight.” I
couldn’t believe that he could see it and hit on me anyway. More commonly, I’ve been told to smile and how
things can’t be that bad. I’ve never
known a frowning man to be told to smile and that things can’t be that bad. In those moments, it feels so belittling of
my existence. None of these three are
shots I will use for anything where I want to look good.
I feel lucky that this photographer gives me a sense of it
being perfectly understandable that it can be a process to get into it. We were in a little park in Herald
Square. It was a full house. I had just come off the subway. I had to do some serious attitude
shaking.
I tried to pretend that I was in the country and no chance of
anyone around to bother me. I tried mentally
reliving moments with my best friend – the person with whom I feel so free to
be. I reminded myself that I want good
shots and I have a free photo shoot here
with a photographer who normally charges, and I better pull myself together and
make this happen. (In my younger years,
I now realize, I screwed up many opportunities in many different ways.) I needed to loosen up. My lips and jaw and mouth area looked and
felt so tight. There were some where I
was smiling but then my eyes were squinty and it looked like my teeth might go
flying out of my mouth.
These
are the temporaries, so hopefully it won’t feel that way when I get the
permanent ones. (Still paying that
out.) So while this is nice to have and
see I had fun moments that made me laugh, it isn’t a shot that could be used to
send for work where they need to see what I look like. My original smile was never so gummy.
I told my best friend that many pictures were looking mean or
all teeth-and-gum smiling and that I had trouble finding middle ground, grey
area. He said, “I’m not surprised. You’re not a grey area kind of gal.”
Then I remembered that physical movement helps. I didn’t want to dance in the park to no
music, but I did decide to dry wash my hair.
I think all the different things helped.
We did get some good ones.
I have to make a selection for him to touch up. I like many for different reasons and dislike
many for different reasons. The hint of
arm cellulite is not a look I’m going for.
The difference in color from where the sun hits and where it doesn’t reminds
me of those two-flavor ice cream cups.
These are some that I do like and he will make them look even
better.
