She So Funny

Did a ten-hour day doing background work for “In the Heights.”  I’m glad I did it, but man, it’s hard on the body.  Arrived before 11am.  Went to wardrobe, hair, and make-up.  Hair people liked my hair the way it was.  Make-up people too.  That felt good that I do some things right on my own.  The wardrobe people gave me a t-shirt more suitable for the scene.  I was a protester at the way refugees are being treated upon arrival in this country.  But after hair, make-up, and wardrobe, I waited all day in a cold, air-conditioned auditorium, in seats that were hard to sleep in, before we finally shot the scene in the early evening.  It is known as “hurry up and wait.”  They fed us breakfast and snacks (we went out for our lunch).  But this went on for about eight hours before shooting.  I felt it.  I need the money and like the film and the people I interacted with, but dayam, it was hard on my body.  I ain’t twenty no mo’.

The director was a nice man.  He seemed very fair and a people person.  

When we were shooting and doing run-throughs, he and all the assistants were good to work with.

The mob show I’m cast in lost their cinematographer due to a personal 

emergency requiring him to leave NYC, and things are on hold for the moment.  I believe he was the camera man at the audition, and the vibes were really good.  Sorry he won’t be the one I’d be working with.  I am looking forward to playing Gina Ferrari when things are rolling again.  A Brooklyn Italian who probably voted for the orange one.  I love an acting challenge.  Plus the truth is that the things she says are things most of us have unfortunately heard in our youth.  Someone’s got to play that character, and I’m glad to be cast.  I hope things get rolling again soon.  It’s so much more interesting to be a character than to be background, but I do what I have to. 

That photo shoot I had two weeks ago was pleasant to do, but I don’t love 

the results.  I think she does, but her needs were different.  In photos, I don’t love my hair.  In person, it looks silvery.  In photos, it looks white.  Maybe if it didn’t have other meaning, I’d feel differently.  This one is one of the better ones and is acceptable while small.  I received it larger and saw every single flaw.  She didn’t want me to wear much make-up and she wanted my hair the way it is because she was going for mature.  I guess I have an image in my mind of how I look and don’t easily accept the effects of aging. 

It’s not just the hair; it’s the weight gain and extra chins and warts…  At 

this point my best buddy would say something like, “Great personal ad.”  And I’d say, “Call me,” and we’d both crack up.  

love to CGG-M <3 

Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 11:49 PM | Labels: "In the Heights", Aging, background work, best friend, Mindy Matijasevic, Mob Mentality the series, photo shoot | 13 comments | Email This BlogThis! Share to X Share to Facebook |

I admit, on an ordinary day where I’m just running to the store or doing laundry or whatever, I tend to go around looking crappy.  In my younger years, I would not have even gone to the lobby to check the mail without fussing with make-up, etc.  But in later years, it feels like a vacation from street harassment to just look plain to unattractive.  I get to walk around as a person.  No one expressing lust or hostility or lust and hostility as I get a prescription filled, take out garbage, get a slice of pizza.  It feels rather peaceful.

Then again, if I run into someone I haven’t seen in a long time, I sometimes feel like damn, why couldn’t I have looked good today.  Why can’t I look good and have peace?  Oh yeah, the patriarchy.

Yesterday I was meeting with a photographer who wants to expand her 

work to include mature people.  She liked my look with my silver hair and wanted to photograph me.  I’d receive new head shots and a small payment for my time.  I’m lucky that over the years, most of my photos have been free. 

So yesterday, I looked good and headed out toward the D train.  A male 

voice from behind me:  “I like your hair.”  As he was alongside me, I acknowledged him with a nod.  He continued, pointing to the gray hair in his own beard, “I like that gray.  Be proud.  With all we been through, we earned it.”  And he continued on his way.

I had to smile to myself.  It didn’t feel like harassment even though he 

probably wouldn’t have said that to a gray-haired man.  It didn’t feel lustful and dangerous.  Nothing about his tone or his movements felt threatening.  Some older men are more aware and sane than their younger selves.

I met the photographer at the High Line near 9^th Avenue.  We had a good 

session.  She was very enthusiastic which helped me get it up.  When I’m not engaged with anyone (like on the train ride downtown), I tend to live deep inside, and my face looks sad or angry.  It takes inner work to not look that way.  Her enthusiasm helped.  I’ll receive the photos in about a week.  Looking forward to it.

I got back to my Bronx in the evening.  I picked up food and was heading 

home when another older man (this one more out there than the earlier guy) who was sitting on his stoop, said, “Hello sexy mama.”  That didn’t feel the same as the earlier man’s words as it isn’t something one should say to a stranger.  I normally would’ve zipped past.  This is someone who I see regularly in the neighborhood, so I nodded hello with a bit of a sigh.  I’m tired of fighting, but I would’ve preferred it if he’d just have said “hello.”  Then he added, “I know you were fine in your day because you’re still fine now.” 

I felt he was using restraint and keeping it clean.  He is probably a better 

version of himself than he must’ve been in his younger years.  I didn’t feel concerned that he’d be following me or any of that.  That’s a big difference from how it felt when I was younger.  However, the whole thing reminded me of how much less mental privacy I have outside when I look good.  I’m usually not up for it. 

Happy birthday to my mother in Heaven.  5/25.  You live inside of me.  I have a candle 

burning for you today.

Love to CGG-M every day! 

Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 9:24 AM | Labels: Mindy Matijasevic, photo shoot | 3 comments | Email This BlogThis! Share to X Share to Facebook |

The summer so far has had some good stuff, some new things, and some odd happenings. 

I was in two short plays written by teenage playwrights.  In one, I was the main character and had to play a Dominican woman in her late thirties.  It was a new challenge to play a different ethnicity and flattering to pass for late thirties.  I enjoyed the people I worked with.  A friend and co-worker at my regular job helped me with the two Spanish sentences that were in the script.  My character had an anger problem and kept getting fired from jobs and blamed it on being Hispanic (even when her boss was Hispanic).  The best part was the director loved all the faces I tend to make and didn't want anyone in the audience to not be able to see my expressions.  What I find remarkable is those are the same faces that typically have gotten me in trouble at jobs and in almost-fights with people since junior high school.  The acting world loves my expressions and doesn't want me to

hold back.  In so many ways, it is truly where I belong (though not the only place).  The writer of the play, Kari Luna, came to both performances, and she loved it both times.  She was super happy with the results, and her joy seemed to compound my joy.  She is sixteen and already writing so well.  I have to say her play was very well cast and directed.  Yet another great part was a friend and co-worker who is also a playwright came to see the plays.  I didn't know he was in the audience until afterwards when he came over to me.  I was so thrilled and surprised to see him, I threw myself into a big strong hug.  Delish.  The cherry on the cake (or the hash sprinkled on the weed) was that each person who runs the theatre company came over to let me know what a great job I did as "Carmen." 

I really want to be able to dedicate more of my time to that path, but in a few weeks, the jobs get demanding again and I will also be glad to receive the second job money again as I have some catching up to do with bills that I fell behind on as I do most summers. 

I also have connected with a group of playwrights that meets weekly.  I attend as an actress and, along with others, do cold readings of their writing.  Some of the playwrights are quite professional and have had plays produced.  I felt very welcomed.  And that's another thing I will only be able to do when on breaks from the evening job.  Grrrrr. 

A man I met and I were having a conversation that he interrupted to tell me I must've once been a real looker.  I said that I notice his emphasis on the past tense.  Then he said, "Even now you are a handsome woman."  I felt like twirling my mustache hairs, but I just adjusted my balls. 

 

The poetry workshop I attend when I can keeps me writing poetry.  In recent times, my poems have gotten more laughs than my comedy.  It's a different scene.  Those listening do not expect funny.  So when it is funny, they are really laughing hard.  I have featured in a couple of poetry readings.  I have to say that doing stand-up makes everything else I do seem easier than how I used to experience it. 

I managed to get to several open mics to work on my comedy, met some more comics I enjoyed hearing working on their stuff, and I was pleased with my performance in a show. 

I have another photo shoot coming up (free!), and I'm hoping to make this one different than the previous ones.  More daring.

 

 

 

I figured out a sexual orientation status for me for now:  I think I'm a celibate, virgin lesbian with an occasional taste for men.  I get flirted with by everyone, have sex with no one, and piss everyone off.  All in a day's work. 

Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 11:18 PM | Labels: handsome, Kari Luna, Mindy Matijasevic, photo shoot, playwrights | 4 comments | Email This BlogThis! Share to X Share to Facebook |

The Good, the Bad, the Wrinkled, and the Ugly

by Mindy Matijasevic

There is no hiding from the lens of a camera.  Every infected pore and mustache hair is right there.  I know there is photoshop, and the photographer will probably do some wart removal and skin tone evening for my face.  However, the photos included in this blog are raw, the real deal, the good, the bad, the wrinkled, and the ugly.

When I’m not smiling or talking, I tend to have a face that

looks terribly unfriendly.  I think that became a defense in life in general.  I also think that may be my default position because my face reflects my thoughts, and though I’m learning to change the channel, I’m not in the advanced class with that.

 

 

I’d hesitate to approach me, so I think it is important that I see these images.  Sometimes I feel and look like I can barely hold this heavy head of mine.  However, no matter how I may look, there is that person who will take it as a challenge.  I was once told by a male in my neighborhood who I didn’t know, “You look like you’re ready for a fight.”  I couldn’t believe that he could see it and hit on me anyway.  More commonly, I’ve been told to smile and how things can’t be that bad.  I’ve never known a frowning man to be told to smile and that things can’t be that bad.  In those moments, it feels so belittling of my existence.  None of these three are shots I will use for anything where I want to look good. 

I feel lucky that this photographer gives me a sense of it being perfectly understandable that it can be a process to get into it.  We were in a little park in Herald Square.  It was a full house.  I had just come off the subway.  I had to do some serious attitude shaking. 

I tried to pretend that I was in the country and no chance of anyone around to bother me.  I tried mentally reliving moments with my best friend – the person with whom I feel so free to be.  I reminded myself that I want good shots and I have a free photo shoot here with a photographer who normally charges, and I better pull myself together and make this happen.  (In my younger years, I now realize, I screwed up many opportunities in many different ways.)  I needed to loosen up.  My lips and jaw and mouth area looked and felt so tight.  There were some where I was smiling but then my eyes were squinty and it looked like my teeth might go flying out of my mouth.

These are the temporaries, so hopefully it won’t feel that way when I get the permanent ones.  (Still paying that out.)  So while this is nice to have and see I had fun moments that made me laugh, it isn’t a shot that could be used to send for work where they need to see what I look like.  My original smile was never so gummy. 

Then I remembered that physical movement helps.  I didn’t want to dance in the park to no music, but I did decide to dry wash my hair.  I think all the different things helped. 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We did get some good ones.  I have to make a selection for him to touch up.  I like many for different reasons and dislike many for different reasons.  The hint of arm cellulite is not a look I’m going for.  The difference in color from where the sun hits and where it doesn’t reminds me of those two-flavor ice cream cups.

These are some that I do like and he will make them look even better.

 

 

 

 

I told my best friend that many pictures were looking mean or all teeth-and-gum smiling and that I had trouble finding middle ground, grey area.  He said, “I’m not surprised.  You’re not a grey area kind of gal.”

Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 12:00 AM | Labels: Herald Square, Mindy Matijasevic, photo shoot, photographer Richard Hart | 7 comments | Email This BlogThis! Share to X Share to Facebook |

When it comes to the need for drama in my life, I am glad when I get it by being in a play.  The role I am cast in is that of an ex-wife and mother of two grown children.  I am fortunate in that I like the play, “When We Met,” the director Lexy Nistico, and the cast.  That’s a pretty good deal.  Now if landlords didn’t need rent in the form of money…

If an afternoon or evening of short plays sounds like something you’d enjoy, please do get there early to get your tickets.  I am in Festival B.  That is Saturday night or Sunday day.  My friend Richard Ploetz is a playwright and has two pieces in the festival (same as the part I’m in), and he’s acting in one of his short plays. 

I’ve been lucky recently in getting free photo shoots where we both gain more experience and more photos.  The photographers ranged from student to experienced and normally paid.  Now, this is a rare occurrence, but I was motivated to wear a dress in the last one.

I felt pretty comfortable with the photographer, Richard Hart, and it shows.  When I’m not, it is so difficult to get natural looking pictures.  If I haven’t driven him nuts in the editing process, we may do another shoot.  And since I looked traditional in this one (ya know, where I could play the Avon lady), I want the next one to be very different… more like where I could play Madonna’s lover. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stay tuned…

Posted by Mindy Matijasevic at 12:00 AM | Labels: "When We Met", Lexy Nistico, Mindy Matijasevic, photo shoot, Richard Hart, Unboxed Voices Short Play Festival | 4 comments | Email This BlogThis! Share to X Share to Facebook |