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    Showing posts with label narcissistic disorder. Show all posts
    Showing posts with label narcissistic disorder. Show all posts








  1. Oh my God, Bob Quatrone’s 4 Horse poetry reading was a great event.  Independently it was also special for me.  I sometimes get roaring laughter from a poetry audience since there’s no expectation to be funny, so when it is, the laughter is big, and that happened more than once.  The owner of the place heard my reading and seemed impressed.  The host told me I scare him.  LOL  I left on a natural high.  The attentive and spirited 4 Horse audience is amazing.  They appreciate my frankness more than any other area of my life does except for my best friend.  He and I appreciate each other’s realness a whole lot. 


    In most other areas of life, I walk on thin ice.  But life is short, and I’m not going to waste it on phony crap. 





    A co-worker friend attended the reading, arrived before me, and held a seat for me with his jacket.  It was fun to experience the reading with him.  That really added to the thrill of the event for me.  We tend to like the same kind of writing.


    The experience was truly good for my spirit when writers whose work I love enjoy my writing as well.  Thank you for your support, Ron Kolm and Francine Witte.


    Then the next morning, I had breakfast with my best buddy.  That is always wonderful.  Medicine for my soul.


    Maybe all of that contributed to this.  I actually skipped take-out and went to the supermarket instead.  I bought food and cooked that evening.  


    My apartment smelled of chicken baking in a regular oven.  It was a welcome change from what my apartment often smells like – cigarettes and other non-food items.  

    And speaking of functioning, the next day, I did my laundry before going to a prose writing group I had been invited to be a part of.  I need a group that expects me to produce writing, but this may not be that group.  It is a small group – kept small deliberately.  It is just one woman who made it somewhat unpleasant.  I don’t know how much this can get better because I don’t think she can help herself.  I’ve learned a lot about the narcissistic personality disorder since my divorce war.  A recovery group has helped me significantly.  I’ll probably give the writing group another shot before I decide.  It is the difficult person who invited me to this small group after she heard me read a slice of memoir.  I had felt good about that, but now I have a feeling that this is yet another opportunity I’ve been presented with by the universe to see if I’ve grown.







  2. I recognize that Trump’s personality disorder is one that involves loving the fight more than the prize.  It’s not so different from parents who take pleasure in robbing the child of the other parent, fight for custody just to win, wins, and then has little skill or desire to build a happy person.  The fun is over, the fun of hurting everybody.  Now it’s just a path of destruction left behind.

    Well when Trump was called the presumptive nominee, he looked pale and frightened to me.  The part he liked was over – knocking out others in a junior high bully style.  Now he’d have to deliver something of substance.  But he only has the fight, not substance.

    So he creates conflict and manipulates others to act on his feelings.  In a family, children believe lies and become alienated from and hostile toward the actual loving parent.  In a country such as ours, race riots could become commonplace as he makes America something again.  We'd be in wars all over the globe.  All of it deflects the attention from the orchestrator.

    When Trump decided to complain about his unfair life and named the judge presiding over the Trump U case and the judge’s ethnic heritage, my first thought was he doesn’t want to be president.  It may not be conscious on his part, but this is how he will sabotage himself.  He doesn’t want the prize, only the winning. 

    I wonder how long his third marriage will last.  He can chase them and get them, but then he’s got nothing of substance to offer.
     
    He’s consistently narcissistic.  I’ll give him that. 

    On a hopeful note, on Sunday after the heavy rain became a light drizzle, I looked up and saw this which looked magnificent and colorful unlike the photo.  I know it is a great big sky, but seeing the rainbow above the buildings right across the street felt wonderfully personal.