1) Don't eat the cat shit out of the litter box.
2) Don't try to lick me EVER (especially if you didn't listen to #1)
3) Don't lay on the beds (or any human furniture for that matter)
4) Don't fart and look surprised EVERY TIME
5) Don't wake me up by making that high pitched whine beginning at at 3 a.m. for your 5:30 a.m. walk
6) Don't have a conniption when you see the following:
A) Orange traffic cones
B) Christmas decorations
C) Decorative Flags
D) Other dogs
E) Other people
F) Cars
G) Plastic or Paper Bags
H) Banana Peels
I) Squirrels, birds, bunnies, cats, SKUNKS, for the LOVE OF GOD, SKUNKS
7) Don't allow your smaller, foofier dog cousin to hump your face, smell your dog crack or the place where your balls used to be. You're 5 gagillion times bigger than him. MAN UP!
8) Don't tangle your leash around my legs and cause me to (possibly) break my left foot (that had surgery less than 2 years ago)
9) Don't stick your snout in the leopard panties that have been laying on the sidewalk on Clifton Ave. for over a week in front of the medical offices EVERY time we pass them.
10) DO lick my ex-mother-in-law if you did not obey #1 or #9
