When I Need a Quote About My
Comedy, I’m Asking Leighann
One day recently,
a man said something to me that he found funny but I didn’t.I didn’t find it bad or offensive, just not
funny.So after he spoke, I basically
said goodnight.He said, “C’mon, that
was blatant humor.”I again said goodnight.Then he said, “How is
it you do stand-up... having no sense of humor?”
As God/the Universe tends to do to keep me upright, at
the very same moment on Facebook, I was having this conversation.Leighann Lord had posted this gem:
Me:Great post.Funny comments.
LL:Mindy
Matijasevic, I thought of you when I first saw this.J
Me:I'm honored that I came to your mind when you saw this.
LL:Are you kidding? Yours is a consistent and
persistent voice for female equality and empowerment. You challenge on all levels basic assumptions
about women's sexuality, the power of it, and the right to explore, enjoy, and
use it as we see fit. I'm just trying to keep up.
Me:Your timing couldn't be more perfect. I mean
that. I was just answering some man whose humor I typically don't share -- he
asked me how I do stand-up when I have no sense of humor. LOL I was just
telling him that not having HIS sense of humor doesn't mean I have no sense of
humor. I wonder if he can imagine such a thing. So your comment here was just
perfect in terms of making me feel better.
LL:Mindy, what the man was
trying, and perhaps failing, to say is that your problem is you don't kowtow
and defer. If you could just do that everything would be fine. You're just
supposed to tuck your face behind your hand, giggle coquettishly and agree.
Now, before anyone lacking the
gift of reading comprehension and the ability to suss out sarcasm chooses to
respond here, let's be clear. I am not talking about all men, just the one in
Mindy's example. But if you recognize yourself there's still time to make the
necessary alterations.
He squeezed my hand as
I was trying to leave.My willpower is at
moments down to a fiber.I slowly pulled
my hand away and kept walking without looking back.I don’t know how long I can keep his vows.
Our attraction and affection
have been building for years.So when he
put pressure on my hand, I felt it elsewhere.It’s that bad.Or, it’s that
good. Yes it is.
I’m not looking for a
husband, that’s for sure.But that
doesn’t mean I feel okay about being with someone else’s husband.I don’t feel comfortable with deceit.It feels too badly.Being truthful is typically how I get into
and out of trouble in my life.It seems
the only thing worth it.
I don’t even understand
what many men mean by being married, why they propose, and why they feel the right to hold
that status while making a mockery of it.I’m not talking about
people who are straight with their spouse where both are open to both of them having
other involvements of a romantic nature.
From the attitude I
received from his spouse the first time we met, and then the nauseatingly phony
like I receive to cover her genuine dislike, they do not have such an
arrangement.
Sometimes I feel like
yelling to all of the mutual acquaintances who have decided I am guilty, “I am probably the
reason we haven’t done anything, you
assholes.”He’s suspected of having a
history of not letting his marital status stop him.That’s not my history/herstory.When I am in a monogamous relationship, I am
monogamous.If I don’t want to be, then
it’s time to wo/man up and say so.Yes,
it is painful to hear, but it’s better than allowing someone to build his/her
life on a loved one’s lies.
I’m not in a
relationship.I’m the free one.Still, from the looks, I’m held more
accountable than he.That’s just not
right.
If he is ever available when I am also
available (and I don’t mean 20 minutes between work and a dental appointment; I
mean not in a monogamous relationship), I’d love to snuggle up to him and feel
his warm skin on mine after a play, great dinner, and bottle of wine.I believe he’d know how to inspire a woman’s
body.*His hugs are delicious.
Oh this is bad ‘cuz it
could be so good.
*Though it is 2013, I should not take
this for granted.I recently heard a man’s
description of sex that so deeply disturbed me, saddened me, and chilled me. My head dropped, my spirit sunk, and my voice
locked. It was as if the past century
never took place. There was zero
acknowledgement of the woman being a human, never mind a sexually alive human
with needs to fill and pleasure to have.Sex was referred to as a price she pays.I felt such compassion for the women before me and before laws against
marital rape and for those who don't feel the right to use the law. The effects of oppression go very deep. The description had
nothing to do with pleasure for her.No
mention of a clit. No mention of her orgasm or how to inspire one. It was like a male
porn flick – the kind that would make me cry and make my libido go back generations. The kind where she'd be hurt (and not in any fun way). The kind that would make straight women
ashamed of our orientation.At this
rate, between unavailable and unacceptable, my best bud and I do think it is
possible I will die a born-again virgin.
