♫ I wish you bluebirds in the spring to give your heart a song to sing and then a kiss, but more than this I wish you love🎜 Today I learned that Valentine's Day may have an origin even bloodier than the eponymous Chicago massacre. If the internet is to be believed, Lupercalia was an ancient Roman mid - Februrary festival honoring the she-wolf who nurtured the abandonded twins, Romulus & Remus. The ritual began with Luperci (a sect of Roman priests) sacrificing goats (representing sexuality) AND a dog. The sacrificial blood was then smeared on the foreheads of naked Luperci. After the blood was removed with milk soaked wool, feasting ensued.
And Then...
Weilding strips of the sacrificial goat hide, naked Luperci ran through the public square whipping women; who exposed their skin to receive their fertility anointing.
But Wait There's More!
Men randomly chose from a jar the name of a woman to be coupled with for the duration of the festival. Some actually fell in love and married.
🎜I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
Most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love 🎝
Valentine's Day is a commercial holiday with romantic pretensions and a sanguine provenance, without even mentioning those named Valentine, executed by Roman Emperor Claudius II.
🎜Love is strange🎝
If you are reading this please leave a comment.
I wish you the best Valentine's Day, remembering even if you're alone, you can always...
🎜Love the one you're with🎝
Rhonda Hansome is a comic, actor, director, story teller and coach. She frequently appears on webseries, podcasts and radio shows. Hear her every Monday, noon - 2, on John Fugelsang's SiriusXMInsight show Tell Me Everything.7 AM Fri. Feb. 15th, catch Rhonda on WBAI FM 99.5 on Waking Up With Julianna Forlano.
I’ve been cast as a high school principal in a play!
It is part of a one-act play festival by new
playwrights.Though no money is
involved, I am happy to be in a play.A
young woman wrote it, and I like it.I
deeply appreciate her message.I hope
the director and I manage to work well together.I will do my part.
I am performing stand-up the next two Saturdays at the same
place.I
anticipate a lot of the same
audience.So I feel the need to write
some new stuff.I hope I manage to do
that.
I was asked to be part of a special Valentine’s Dayevent in Brooklyn by my poetry
friend Evie Ivy.I’m not much of a Valentine-y
poet, so I told her I might be able to write a prose piece and asked if that
would be okay.She was very
welcoming.Now I still have to write
it.I think it might end up being an
anti-Valentine’s Day piece.Or maybe it
will be a collage of Valentine’s Days.I
tend to do okay writing collages.That
is how I put together my pieces for the What Were the
Sixties Really Like?shows I was honored to be in.
Rehearsals for the play begin this Monday.I am excited.I’ve never
played a high school principal before.I enjoy new acting challenges.I’ve played a socialist gardener, a Latina
nanny, a corporate mole, a psychic and somewhat crazy woman, a homeless woman,
a neglectful mom, a prostitute, a prostitute mother of a prostitute, a good
mom, a mom catching her young adult son with a one-night-stand, a prisoner, a
substitute teacher, a soldier, a Bible-toter, a nurse, a crack addict, an ex-wife,
one of the women in Vagina Monologues,
but never a high school principal.
After I read the script, I felt encouraged by future female
playwrights.
This one is Leslie Huynh.
Upcoming
appearances:
·Saturday, 2/10/2018 Comedy at the Days of Wild music happening
at Starving Artist Café on City Island
8pm
·Wednesday, 2/14/2018 Reader at a special Valentine’s Day event at the Green Pavilion in
Brooklyn 7pm
·Saturday, 2/17/2018 Comedy at the Days of Wild music happening
at Starving Artist Café on City Island
8pm
·Thursday, 3/1/2018
Acting
in “Passing” at the New Playwrights
One-Act Play Festival at the Lovinger Theatre on the campus of Lehman
College 7pm
·Friday, 3/2/2018
Acting
in “Passing” at the New Playwrights
One-Act Play Festival at the Lovinger Theatre on the campus of Lehman
College 7pm
·Friday, 3/9/2018
Comedy
in Funny Underground Comedy Krew show at Broadway Comedy Club 7pm
I am glad to be part of both. And they are both free!
Hector’s show is a TV taping at MNN Studio in Manhattan. So you are the
live studio audience and very
appreciated.
Papa Guyo’s show is the live music of “Days of Wild.” I’m the guest
comedian who will perform
during the musicians’ break.The music
is truly fantastic.They always play my
favorite Sly and the Family Stone songs.People tend to get up and dance in the aisles.It’s a City Island happening.
There are two Mondays off from the job in February. I appreciate that.
I need it.
And yes, there is Valentine’s Day.
My first Valentine was my darling mother. She brought home fun colorful
papers and
white lacy doily paper, and we sat down to make cards as she explained the
holiday to me.I don’t recall any date
ever measuring up to the wonderful feeling of making crafts with my mother.
As an adult, the best Valentine’s Day I had was in my early
twenties when
my Valentine date was me.I dressed up and took myself to the Village.I stopped and looked in store windows and in
stores without having to consult with or be controlled or judged by
anyone.That stood out to me as
something to treasure about being single.I went to a place where performers took the stage.I sat at the bar.The bartender was a tall handsome gay
man.He smiled at me and he said, “Oooh,
you look so Valentine-y!”His comment
felt so pure and made me smile.Several
decades later, I still remember.
My most hurtful Valentine’s Day was, well, it is for another
blog. I don’t
Producing a show helps
me appreciate being in someone else’s show where I only have to concern myself
with my performance and some promoting.Being in someone else’s show helps me appreciate creating my own show
where I don’t have to risk a beating to my soul while calling it comedy.
After the last show I
produced, most things I had been sitting on for the sake of the show came
flying out of my mouth.There had been
much trying of my patience, new things to learn, disappointments, wonderfulness,
and the unexpected fractured ribs, besides all the work involved.The show was pretty terrific.Everybody left smiling, many complimenting, and
some asking for the next one.That was
fantastic.I had to tell the “Diva” I
had vented to that I had been venting and nothing I said should be considered a
decision.Days went by, and I tried to
see all the challenges as learning opportunities.
Now it is 11 days
before the next show.I am thrilled with
the line-up: Ellen Orchid, Mindy Matijasevic, Ken Watter, and Rhonda Hansome.But the to-do list is long
(though not as bad as last time since some things are settled now), and the work
of getting enough audience remains the hardest part.Several people who wanted to know about a
next show won’t be in NYC on Valentine’s weekend.Oy. I’m a worrier.That’s what I
know how to do well.
So if you care to be my Valentine -- -- oops –- I mean
The Divorced Divas of Comedy is having a Valentine's Day show. Folks, the pressure of holidays like this can get crazy. People feel like they are inadequate if they aren't someone's Valentine and all that shit. Get dressed, give yourself a hug, look in the mirror, tell that person "I love you," and take yourself out to the show. You will have a good time. Everyone who was at the last show had only one complaint -- their laugh muscles were hurting.
My earliest Valentine's Day memories were with my mother. She brought home construction paper, white lacey paper, and all kinds of fun materials for us to make cards. I feel the thrill even now when I remember how I felt then. I miss her so much. She was my first and best Valentine I ever had.
I was with a wrong man for a long time. Each year on Valentine's Day, I received something special within his means. Then he got me pregnant. I needed medical coverage for me and the baby. I married him. On my first married Valentine's Day, I received nothing. Not even a card. He was an artist, by the way, so he could've folded a piece of paper and made something impressive in minutes. But he chose to be hateful now that he believed he "had" me. I remember saying, "I'm not your Valentine anymore?" He said, "I wasn't near a store." Less than two months before, I spent 13 hours in labor. But walking across the street and two blocks to Rite Aid was too much for the man. My value plummeted after having our baby. I would not understand the pathology behind that for many years. After that, I didn't care what he gave me in future years for Valentine's Day. It had no meaning anymore. I'd even suggest he not bother. The best gift would be he leaving. The year I needed love most since I was pumping it out anywhere from 19 to 24 hours a day to our colicky baby, he showed his self. But he wouldn't leave. Didn't want to leave a space that might allow someone else to actually love me. Staying in my apartment married was his stalking style. His "love" was an act of hate. It caused a lot of misery. Finally many years later, on a Valentine's Day, he moved out.
Having a Valentine's Day comedy show is probably the best way I can spend it. I hope you'll be my Valentine and come to the show.
From the first Divorced Divas of Comedy show:
I always find it so eye-opening to watch myself perform. The jokes that work and the ones that don't work vary so much from audience to audience, delivery to delivery. I have come a long way and still could go a long way. Besides the actual comedy, there's the posture, the needing toning belly, the sneakers that I should have changed out of and into nicer shoes, the hand in the pocket, the sweating, the sounding too pissed off on certain topics, so much to become aware of.
I am so excited about the Valentine's Day show line-up. Ellen Orchid, Rhonda Hansome (our Thursday "She"), Ken Watter (our first male guest "Diva" and coming in from Maryland), and me.
Like the Sword of Damocles, suspended by a horse hair over Dionysius
Valentine's Day looms over February.
I ask you Dear Reader, what does this impending celebration of love really mean to you?
All I come up with is
& Dopamine
DRUGS!!!
Dionysius thought it was great being in the shoes of Damocles, until the horse hair shifted slightly in the breeze. Is love a double edge sword, a poet's rapture or the loneliness of the long distance runner? Have I left out any pertinent cliches? Speak on LOVE here Dear Reader(s) and let me walk a mile in your shoes.
Sun. Feb. 1 @ 4 PM I sing & sling jokes at Don't Tell Mama with Ann McCormack & Woody Regan * Sat. Feb. 14 @ 8 PM it'sstand-up with my She So Funny sister blogger, Mindy Matijasevic & other Divorced Divas of Comedy. Get there early for wine & you just might find... LOVE! Whatever that is...
There's been more deaths in my circles than I can stand right now. Didn't blog about it. Didn't blog at all last week. I just needed to acknowledge it before going on with the following. For those of you readers who are not comics, let me address something. Many people seem to think a comic is a clown type thing a joke machine a barrel of laughs who shouldn't be depressed. Even a lawyer who once saw me all depressed told me, "C'mon, you're a comic, for God's sake." It is so the opposite. Comics are often very traumatized and depressed people like much of the population, but some of us are fortunate enough to be able to, in time, turn pain into art.
Laughter
is sexy & there’s going to be a lot of it at the
"I hope you had a better Valentine's Day than my 1st after getting married. I had a new baby, no available parents, and it was the first year the man who made the baby decided his wife wasn't worth a card or gift. At first I wanted to wish you the same. But my son will suffer, so I prefer his dad has a will to live. I know you need one woman at home. Then you are able to attract others better because you don't seem desperate. So I hope you feel good with Katy. It may mean my son has peace. I'm grateful if he doesn't have to hear his mommy be referred to as a bitch. I hope you had a very loving Valentine's Day."
The Violence Against Women Act was reauthorized this week by the US Senate. Yeah!!
As a 10 year old girl I felt helpless when I saw my mother victimized by her abusive new spouse / monster. Sidebar: the entire, mercifully short, time he actually lived with us, I could never bring myself to call IT my stepfather. As much as I wanted to grab a butcher knife and plunge it somewhere, anywhere in that man; a Catholic child's fear of mortal sin's reward - an eternity in hell - stayed my hand. In view of my history, I'm delighted that re-authorization of VAWA is another step toward protecting women, men, old and young from the abuse only those nearest can inflict.
Now if you are Native American, undocumented or LGBT there may be some hemming, some hawing, and down right denial of equal protection from violent stalkers, because some persons can make it so. Yes there's potential for a fly in the buttermilk, a turd in the punch bowl, so to speak. Geez, I've never liked that (turd in punch bowl) expression; its so graphic it leaves its shitty image lingering way too long in my overly suggestive mind's eye. Be that as it may, who are the floaters* in our VAWA celebratory libation?
As the the Violence Against Women Act moves on through the House I hope our legislators can keep their turd count to a minimum. But on this day honoring love and kindness, I ask perpetrators and victims of domestic abuse to pause and wish VAWA safe travels in the House and Happy Valentine's Day!
Do: Take a shower, put on deodorant
and clean drawers, this makes you seem optimistic.
Don't: Overload with cologne, this
makes everyone sneeze.
Do: Bring flowers or another fun
appropriate gift.
Don't: Give an adult a stuffed animal
or a book of coupons where you offer to massage their feet.
Do: Plan a romantic evening doing
something fun and different.
Don't: Go to a restaurant unless you'd
like to wait three hours for a table and pay $32.50 for chicken.
Do: Shave your face. Are you a
gorgeous hunk of man that can get away with three days' growth? I
didn't think so.
Don't: Over-manscape. For crying out
loud you have to be hairier than your date.
Do: Wear clean clothes and smile.
Don't: Wear edible underwear or one of
those g-strings with the googly eyes.
Do: Bring your sense of adventure.
Don't: Bring your girlfriend,
ex-girlfriend and/or Mom.
Do: Talk about how great your date
looks.
Don't: Talk about politics, religion,
or video games.
Do: Be a gentleman and you'll make a
great impression.
Don't: Skip my mic on February 13th!
Happy Valentine's Day!
I have a little
early VD present for you! Lisa's Clubhouse, a brand new open mic
starting Wednesday, February 13th! Come to our inaugural
pre-VD show! We're at Bamiyan Restaurant at 358 Third Avenue (corner
26th Street). 6 to 8 PM. Email me to sign-up:
info@lisaharmon.net or visit
my website www.lisaharmon.net
I really hope you can make it! And I
hope you have a fantastic, sexy and romantic Valentine's Day!
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–- okay now I’m just trying to lure you -- 
